Joel Plaskett in Gravenhurst; A Literary Example of What Peptonoids Could Do For You, in Victorian Times

What Victorian Era Peptonoids could do for you; see story that follows

Spring officially arrives in the bog; there is a Robin somewhere in this picture

Joel Plaskett, center, visits our Gravenhurst shop

JOEL PLASKETT AND HIS FATHER BILL, DROP BY THE SHOP FOR A VISIT

I TOLD YOU THIS HAPPENS TO ME; WORKING IN THIS STUDIO / SHOP THAT IS NEVER, EVER, WITHOUT ITS SURPRISES

    SO YOU LIKE "FIRSTS," DO YOU? HERE'S ONE STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART OF GRAVENHURST, ONTARIO. A WELL KNOWN CANADIAN MUSICIAN, FRESH OFF A WELL RECEIVED PERFORMANCE LAST NIGHT, TO A PACKED AUDIENCE, IS NOW OPENING FOR MY HERITAGE FEATURE, TODAY, ON OF ALL THINGS, "LIQUID PEPTONOIDS." IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE ARE, OR WHAT THEY PURPORTEDLY COULD DO FOR YOU, IN VICTORIAN TIMES, YOU'LL HAVE TO READ THE SECOND PART OF TODAY'S COLUMN TO FIND OUT.
     SOME READERS OF THIS BLOG, PROBABLY THINK I'M TELLING PORKIES, WHEN I WRITE ABOUT THE PARADE OF INTERESTING CANADIAN MUSICIANS, WHO VISIT OUR MAINSTREET STUDIO. THERE ARE QUITE A FEW, WHO WOULD RATHER WE DIDN'T MENTION THEIR NAMES, OR DRAW ATTENTION TO THEM WHEN THEY ARRIVE. SOME ON THE OTHER HAND, MEET AND GREET CUSTOMERS, AND SIGN AUTOGRAPHS, THE WHOLE TIME THEY'RE HERE. SOME EVEN FORGET TO SHOP HERE, BECAUSE THEY'RE KEPT SO BUSY WITH FAN REQUESTS. BUMMER FOR US.
    SOME COME FOR THE VINTAGE VINYL, AND SOME COME TO SEE THE ANTIQUATED INSTRUMENTS. SOME JUST COME ON SATURDAYS, CHEEKY DEVILS, BECAUSE THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT SUZANNE'S FRESHLY MADE COOKIES. SATURDAY HAS BEEN "COOKIE DAY" FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW. WHATEVER REASON THEY HAVE FOR DROPPING IN, WE'RE ALWAYS GLAD THEY CAME.
    AS FOR MY POSITION, IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS AROUND HERE? SEE IT'S LIKE THIS. I HAVE THE KIND OF STIFF-HIP SYNDROME, THAT PROHIBITS ME FROM GETTING OUT OF THIS CHAIR QUICKLY. IN CASE OF A FIRE, I'M GOING TO GET TOASTY. IF THERE WAS A SUDDEN FLOOD, I'D BE GOING DOWN WITH THE SHIP. ANDREW AND ROBERT DON'T ALWAYS GIVE ME WARNING, ABOUT GUESTS COMING INTO THE STUDIO. SO SEEING AS IT WOULD LOOK, AND SOUND REAL SCAREY, IF I TRIED TO GET UP QUICKLY, WITHOUT THE NORMAL LOUD CREAKING, AND SNAPPING OF RE-ALIGNING OLD BONES, MIXED WITH MUFFLED SCREAMS OF PAIN, I JUST OFFER A PREAMBLE APOLOGY TO VISITORS; THAT I WOULD GLADLY GET UP TO SHAKE THEIR HANDS, EXCEPT FOR THE STUMBLING AND FALLING OVER PART, WHICH MIGHT PROVE EMBARRASSING TO ALL INVOLVED. I CAN GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR ON MY OWN, OF COURSE, BUT IT TAKES SOME EXTRA TIME, TO MAKE SURE THE "SOCKET" KNOWS WHAT IT'S GETTING INTO, ACCEPTING THE REST OF MY LEG.
     SO THE BOYS JUST ACKNOWLEDGE ME, TO OUR GUESTS THESE DAYS, AS "THAT'S JUST OUR DAD WRITING HIS BIOGRAPHY," WHILE QUICKLY MOVING THEIR NEW AND OLD FRIENDS, INTO THE LOW-LIGHT ALCOVE, WHERE THE VINTAGE INSTRUMENTS ARE STACKED AND RACKED, FOR STUDIO SESSIONS. A FEW OF THESE VISITING MUSICIANS, KINDLY STOP TO CHAT WITH "THE OLD FART," (ME) AND USUALLY, FIND A LITTLE COMMON GROUND TO DISCUSS, FOR EXAMPLE, LIFE IN MUSKOKA, OR THE LATEST DEVELOPMENTS ON THE CANADIAN MUSIC SCENE. I LEARN A LOT BY IMMERSION, YOU SEE, SITTING BACK AND LISTENING CAREFULLY. IT CAN GET PRETTY DIVERSE, IN BANTER, ESPECIALLY IF THEY PICK UP THE TENOR BANJO, THAT ONCE BELONGED TO CANADIAN ARTIST, TOM THOMSON. ANDREW LIKES TO WHIP THIS ONE OUT, IF THE CONVERSATION NEEDS A LITTLE BOOST.
    OVER THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS, I'VE HAD SOME GREAT ARMCHAIR CHATS WITH MUSICIANS, SUCH AS WITH THOSE MATES, FROM THE WELL KNOWN BAND, "ELLIOTT BROOD," WHO PLAYED AT PETER'S PLAYERS, BACK IN EARLY FEBRUARY. I HAD A "WE HATE WINTER DRIVING" CHAT, WITH A MEMBER OF THE BAND, (FROM MY ERA), "CROWBAR," IN LATE NOVEMBER. WE HAD A VISIT, AS WELL, FROM THE GROUP "JULY TALK," IN DECEMBER, BUT AT THAT TIME, SUZANNE HAD PRYED ME OUT OF MY CHAIR, TO PRICE SOME ART WORK, AT THE BACK OF THE STORE. POINT IS, IT'S ALWAYS NEAT TO HAVE OUR TALENTED CANADIAN ARTISTS, DROP BY FOR A LITTLE VISIT; EVEN IF THEY HAVEN'T GOT TOO MUCH TIME TO SPARE WHILE ON TOUR. OF COURSE WE ALWAYS ENJOY WHEN TOM WILSON, AARON GOLDSTEIN, JOHNNY DYMOND, AND RAY FARRUGIA, FROM THE BAND, "LEE HARVEY OSMOND," DROP BY FOR A COOKIE OR NINE. AND OF COURSE, OUR FAMILY FRIEND, JAMES BUNTON, FORMERLY OF THE BAND "OHBIJOU" IS ALWAYS GREETED WITH A TIN OF COOKIES (HE'S GOT PULL HERE); MUSICIAN SHAWN CLARKE, IS A REGULAR VISITOR, AND ANDREW ALWAYS HAS A NICE VISIT WITH BLUES GUITARIST, JIMMY BOWSKILL, WHEN HE'S IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. THERE ARE MANY OTHERS WHO LIKE TO FLY UNDER THE RADAR, REMAINING ANONYMOUS, AND THAT'S FINE WITH US. WE ALWAYS FEEL ENRICHED WHEN THEY COME AND SHARE AMAZING STORIES, ABOUT THEIR MUSIC MILESTONES, AND TOUR ADVENTURES.
     I WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF TRANSCRIBING THE TEXT, OF A LITTLE, LATE 1800'S ADVERTISING BOOKLET, ENTITLED "DICKENS DOCTORS;" A CRAZY WEE COMPENDIUM OF STORIES, TIED INTO A SLICK PROMOTION, OF THE MEDICINAL GLORIES OF "PEPTONOIDS," PUBLISHED BY THE ARLINGTON CHEMICAL COMPANY, OF YONKERS, NEW YORK,... WHEN, WELL, WE HAD A SPECIAL VISITOR IN THE STUDIO.
     I'LL OFFER THIS AS A PREAMBLE APOLOGY, TO PERFORMER, JOEL PLASKETT, AND HIS FATHER BILL, THAT I AM PLACING THIS INSERT STORY, ABOVE THE FASCINATING TALE OF BEEF, CREOSOTE, IRON AND WINE PEPTONOIDS, A CONCOCTION OF THE LATE 1800'S, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO CURE EVERYTHING THAT AILED YOU. (I MIGHT HAVE TRIED SOME, TO LUBRICATE MY HOCKEY-HIP) BUT THE STORY HOWEVER, WAS ALREADY WRITTEN, WHEN THE PLASKETTS DROPPED IN WITH THEIR SOUND TECHNICAN, TO SEE THE MUSIC STUDIO. AND NOW, ACCORDING TO SON ROBERT'S WATCH, THAT HE IS NOW HITTING WITH HIS INDEX FINGER, MY STUDIO TIME IS OVER. INCOMING LESSONS BUMP THE OLD MAN ON THE LAPTOP, TO THE BACK ROOMS; SO NOW I HAVE TO ABANDON MY COMFORTABLE CHAIR. IF I'D KNOWN THE BOYS WERE GOING TO LET ME USE A PICTURE OF THE PLASKETTS, WHO WERE BOTH PERFORMING, IN GRAVENHURST, LAST EVENING (AT PETER'S PLAYERS), A LITTLE EARLIER, I WOULD HAVE FOUND A MORE APPROPRIATE ARTICLE TO COMPANION IT; MAYBE SOME CANADIANA, A TALE ABOUT TOM THOMSON'S GHOST CANOE, OR A MUSIC PIECE, BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I'M SURROUNDED BY LOTS OF MUSICAL HERITAGE IN THE BOYS' GRAVENHURST STUDIO.
     JOEL HAD A CHANCE TO SEE THE THOMSON TENOR BANJO TOO, BECAUSE IT WAS ONE OF THE MUSIC RELICS, ON SON ANDREW'S TOUR. IT SURE SHOWS THAT ANDREW SPENT HIS EARLY YEARS, CO-HABITATING A MUSEUM, WITH HIS CURATOR PARENTS, THE WAY HE GUIDES VISITORS THROUGH THE BUILDING WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE. JOEL AND HIS FATHER, BILL, CERTAINLY GOT THE PREMIUM TOUR, WHETHER THEY WANTED IT OR NOT. WHEN ANDREW GETS REVVED-UP, IT'S AS IF HE WAS THE CHIEF COOK AND BOTTLE WASHER AT THE SMITHSONIAN.
     I'VE BEEN ENJOYING OUR VISITOR'S RECORD, "JOEL PLASKETT THREE," THIS AFTERNOON, AND I CERTAINLY RECOGNIZE SOME OF THE MATERIAL FROM PLAY ON CBC 2, THAT WE LISTEN-TO RELIGIOUSLY, HERE IN THE SHOP. I HOPE THE PLASKETTS HAD A NICE VISIT, BECAUSE WE SURE DID.  

THE EARLY MISUSE OF LITERATURE TO FLOG PRODUCT - HOW LITERATURE PLAYED INTO MARKET STRATEGY IN THE LATE 1800'S

I NEEDED SOME LIQUID PEPTONOIDS THIS MORNING, AFTER HEARING ABOUT GAS PRICE INCREASES COMING

     I HAVE A BADLY DAMAGED COPY, OF A LITTLE ADVERTISING BOOKLET, WITH A LITERARY SLANT, THAT WAS PUT OUT IN THE LATE 1800'S, BY THE ARLINGTON CHEMICAL COMPANY, OF YONKERS, NEW YORK. IT WAS TO ADVERTISE THEIR PRODUCT, LIQUID PEPTONOIDS, THAT COULD FIX WHAT AILED ALL THE MEDICAL SITUATIONS, THAT GET THIS, APPEARED "AS FICTION," IN SOME OF THE GREAT WORKS OF LITERATURE. NO KIDDING. THE COMPANY DECIDED TO USE THE WORKS OF SOME OF THE WELL KNOWN AUTHORS, OF THE WORLD, TO THAT POINT, LIKE CHARLES DICKENS, TO ILLUSTRATE HOW MALADIES AFFECTING HIS CHARACTERS, IN THE FICTIONAL REALM, COULD BE REMEDIED BY USING PEPTONOIDS. CLEVER FOR THE TIME, BUT A LITTLE WHACKY WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT, APPLYING CURES TO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. THERE WAS ACTUALLY A SERIES OF BOOKS, ON THE WORKS OF THESE CELEBRATED AUTHORS, PUBLISHED BY THE CHEMICAL COMPANY. I JUST HAVE ONE OF THEM, AND IT'S ENTITLED "DICKENS' DOCTORS.' THE TEXT OF THE ADVERTISING BOOKLET, OPENS THUSLY:
     THE TITLE PAGE HAS A PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED SKETCH OF CHARLES DICKENS, AND IS HEADED, "SOME OF THE DOCTORS PORTRAYED IN THE WORKS OF CHARLES DICKENS, THIS BEING THE 2ND VOLUME." BELOW, IN WHAT APPEARS LIKE DICKENS' SIGNATURE, IT READS "PRESENTED WITH THE COMPLIMENTS OF THE ARLINGTON CHEMICAL COMPANY, YONKERS, NEW YORK, LIQUID PEPTONOIDS." UNDER THE HEADING, "DR. LUMBREY," ON PAGE TWO, THE FOLLOWING IS PRESENTED: "IN THE MIDST OF THE GENERAL HUBBUB, DOCTOR LUMBEY SAT IN THE FIRST FLOOR FRONT, AS BEFORE RELATED, NURSING THE DEPOSED BABY, AND TALKING TO MR. KENWIGS. HE WAS A STOUT, BLUFF LOOKING GENTLEMAN, WITH NO SHIRT COLLAR TO SPEAK OF, AND A BEARD THAT HAD BEEN GROWING SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING, FOR DOCTOR LUMBEY WAS POPULAR, AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD WAS PROLIFIC; AND THERE HAD BEEN NO LESS THAN THREE OTHER KNOCKERS MUFFLED, ONE AFTER THE OTHER, WITHIN THE LAST FORTY-EIGHT HOURS. 'WELL, MR. KENWIGS,' SAID DOCTOR LUMBEY, 'THIS MAKES SIX; YOU'LL HAVE A FINE FAMILY IN TIME, SIR.' 'I THINK SIX IS ALMOST ENOUGH, SIR,' RETURNED MR. KENWIGS. 'FOOH! POOH!' SAID THE DOCTOR, 'NONSENSE! NOT HALF ENOUGH.' WITH THIS THE DOCTOR LAUGHED, BUT HE DIDN'T LAUGH HALF AS MUCH AS A MARRIED FRIEND OF MRS. KENWIGS', WHO HAD JUST COME IN FROM THE SICK CHAMBER, TO REPORT PROGRESS AND TAKE A SMALL SIP OF BRANDY AND WATER, AND WHO SEEMED TO CONSIDER IT ONE OF THE BEST JOKES EVER LAUNCHED UPON SOCIETY." Nicholas Nickleby, chapter 36
     POSITIONED AT THE SIDE OF THE COPY, THE FOLLOWING EDITORIAL MATERIAL IS PUBLISHED. "WHEN THE STOMACH REBELS: AGAINST ANY FORM OF NOURISHMENT, AS IS SOMETIMES THE CASE, OR WHEN IT IS DEEMED UNSAFE TO FEED THE PATIENT IN THE ORGINARY MANNER, AS IN GASTRIC ULCER ETC., RECTAL ELIMINATION IS INDICATED. BEEF PEPTONOIDS (POWDER), AFFORDS THE MAXIMUM OF NOURISHMENT IN THE MINIMUM OF BULK AND CAN BE COMBINED WITH EGGS OR OTHER NUTRIENTS IF DESIRED. BEEF PEPTONOIDS IS THOROUGHLY STERILIZED DURING THE PROCESS OF MANUFACTURE."
     AS TO THE GOOD DR. JEDDLER, THE TEXT REVEALS, (ACCORDING TO CHARLES DICKENS, THAT IS) "DOCTOR JEDDLER CAME BUSTLING OUT TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER, AND WHO THE DEVIL PLAYED MUSIC ON HIS PROPERTY BEFORE BREAKFAST, FOR HE WAS A GREAT PHILOSOPHER, DOCTOR JEDDLER, AND NOT VERY MUSICAL. 'MAKE SOME ALLOWANCE FOR IT, FATHER,' REPLIED THE DOCTOR. 'DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY? DID YOU NEVER HEAR HOW MANY NEW PERFORMERS ENTER ON THIS - HA, HA, HA! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO SPEAK GRAVELY OF IT, ON THIS PREPOSTEROUS AND RIDICULOUS BUSINESS CALLED LIFE; EVERY MINUTE?' DOCTOR JEDDLER WAS, AS I HAVE SAID, A GREAT PHILOSOPHER; AND THE HEART AND MYSTERY OF HIS PHILOSOPHY WAS, TO LOOK UPON THE WORLD AS A GIGANTIC PRACTICAL JOKE, AS SOMETHING TOO ABSURD TO BE CONSIDERED SERIOUSLY BY ANY RATIONAL MAN. THE DOCTOR NEVER DREAMED OF INQUIRING WHETHER HIS CHILDREN, OR EITHER OF THEM, HELPED IN ANY WAY TO MAKE THE SCHEME A SERIOUS ONE. BUT THEN HE WAS A PHILOSOPHER." THE BATTLE OF LIFE.
     IN THE COMPANION ADVISORY, PROVIDED BY THE COMPANY, IT IS NOTED, "THE VIS MEDICATRIX NATURE: IS THE LATENT, INTRINSIC POWER THAT FINALLY OVERCOMES THE TOXIC INFLUENCES AND ELEMENTS OF THE ACUTE INFECTIOUS DISEASES. BUT NATURE CAN BE HELPED MATERIALLY. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS CONSERVES NUTRITION AND REINFORCES THE BLOOD AND TISSUES WITH ABSORBABLE PORTEIDS, AND THAT, WITHOUT DISTURBING THE DIGESTION."
     IN THE CASE OF DR. BLIMBER: "THE DOCTOR WAS A PORTLY GENTLEMAN, IN A SUIT OF BLACK, WITH STRINGS AT HIS KNEES, AND STOCKINGS BELOW THEM. HE HAD A BALD HEAD, HIGHLY POLISHED, A DEEP VOICE, AND A CHIN SO VERY DOUBLE THAT IT WAS A WONDER HOW HE EVER MANAGED TO SHAVE INTO THE CREASES. HE HAD LIKEWISE A PAIR OF LITTLE EYES THAT WERE ALWAYS HALF SHUT UP, AND A MOUTH THAT WAS ALWAYS HALF EXPANDED INTO A GRIN, AS IF HE HAD, THAT MOMENT, POSED A BOY, AND WERE WAITING TO CONVICT HIM FROM HIS OWN LIPS. INSOMUCH, THAT WHEN THE DOCTOR PUT HIS RIGHT HAND INTO THE BREAST OF HIS COAT, AND WITH HIS OTHER HAND BEHIND HIM, AND A SCARCELY PERCEPTIBLE WAG OF HIS HEAD, MADE THE COMMONEST OBSERVATION TO A NERVOUS STRANGER, IT WAS LIKE A SENTIMENT FROM THE SPHYNX, AND SETTLED HIS BUSINESS. THE DOCTOR'S WAS A MIGHTY FINE HOUSE, FRONTING THE SEA. NOT A JOYFUL STYLE OF HOUSE WITHIN, BUT QUITE THE CONTRARY. SAD-COLORED CURTAINS, WHOSE PROPORTIONS WERE SPARE AND LEAN, AND HID THEMSELVES DESPONDENTLY BEHIND THE WINDOWS." DOMBREY AND SON, CHAPTER ELEVEN.
     THE SIDE COMMENTS, GO ON TO SUGGEST, "THE PNEUMONIA PATIENT, REQUIRES SUPPORTIVE DIETETIC TREATMENT AS WELL AS SUPPORTIVE THERAPY. HEART STRENGTH IS MAINTAINED AS MUCH THROUGH NUTRITIVE REINFORCEMENT AS THROUGH CARDIAC STIMULATION. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS BEING COMPOSED OF THE ESSENTIAL NUTRIVE ELEMENTS OF BEEF, CONTRIBUTES MUCH TO THE RECONSTRUCTIVE VALUE OF MILK AND OTHER FLUID FOODS TO WHICH IT MAY BE ADDED. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS IS ASEPTIC AND CANNOT FERMENT; IT IS PREDIGESTED AND THEREFORE PROMPTLY ABSORBED."
     AS FOR DR. KUTANKUMAGEN (OF MOSCOW)) "READ TO THE SECTION, A REPORT OF A CASE WHICH HAD OCCURRED WITH HIS OWN PRACTICE, STRIKINGLY ILLUSTRATIVE, OF THE POWER OF MEDICINE, AS EXEMPLIFIED IN HIS SUCCESSFUL TREATMENT OF VIRULENT DISORDER. HE HAD BEEN CALLED IN TO VISIT THE PATIENT ON THE IST OF APRIL. HE WAS THEN LABORING UNDER SYMPTOMS PECULIARLY ALARMING TO ANY MEDICAL MAN. HIS FRAME WAS STOUT AND MUSCULAR, HIS STEP FIRM AND ELASTIC, HIS CHEEKS PLUMP AND RED, HIS VOICE LOUD, HIS APPETITE GOOD, HIS PULSE FULL AND ROUND. HE WAS IN THE CONSTANT HABIT OF EATING THREE MEALS PER DIEM, AND OF DRINKING AT LEAST ONE BOTTLE OF WINE AND ONE GLASS OF SPIRITOUS LIQUORS DILUTED WITH WATER, IN THE COURSE OF FOUR AND TWENTY HOURS. HE LAUGHED CONSTANTLY AND IN SO HEARTY A MANNER, THAT IT WAS TERRIBLE TO HEAR HIM. BY DINT OF POWERFUL MEDICINE, LOW DIET, AND BLEEDING, THE SYMPTOMS IN THE COURSE OF THREE DAYS PERCEPTIBLY DECREASED. A RIGID PERSEVERANCE IN THE SAME COURSE OF TREATMENT FOR ONLY ONE WEEK, ACCOMPANIED BY SMALL DOSES OF WATER GRUEL, WEAK BROTH AND BARLEY WATER, LED TO THEIR ENTIRE DISAPPEARANCE. IN THE COURSE OF A MONTH HE WAS SUFFICIENTLY RECOVERED TO BE CARRIED DOWNSTAIRS BY TWO NURSES AND TO ENJOY AN AIRING IN A CLOSE CARRIAGE, SUPPORTED BY SOFT PILLOWS" - REPORT OF THE MUDFOG ASSOCIATION, SECTION B."
     THE COMPANION ADVISORY READS AS FOLLOWS: "COMPARISON AND COUNTERPART; THE GALLANT DEFENSE OF THE VITAL FORCES AGAINST THE INVADING ARMY OF MICROBES IN A CASE OF TYPHOID FEVER, IS THE COUNTERPART OF THE DEFENSE, OF A BELEAGURED CITADEL AGAINST A SWARM OF BESIEGERS. THE FIRST THING TO DO, IS TO PROVISION THE FORT. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS ADDS NUTRIMENT TO THE BLOOD AND TISSUES, AND PROVIDES AN EASILY AVAILABLE AND EFFECTIVE REINFORSER OF VITALITY."
     HOW ABOUT PROFESSOR MUFF? "PROFESSOR MUFF RELATED A VERY EXTRAORDINARY, AND CONVINCING PROOF, OF THE WONDERFUL EFFICACY OF THE SYSTEM OF INFINITESSIMAL DOSES, WHICH THE SECTION WERE DOUBTLESS AWARE, WAS BASED UPON THE THEORY THAT THE VERY MINUTEST AMOUNT OF ANY GIVEN DRUG ADMINISTERED IN THE USUAL MANNER; THUS THE FORTIETH PART OF A GRAIN OF CALOMEL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EQUAL TO A FIVE GRAIN CALOMEL PILL, AND SO ON, IN PROPORTION, THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE RANGE OF MEDICINE. HE HAD TRIED THE EXPERIMENT IN A CURIOUS MANNER UPON A PUBLICAN, WHO HAD BEEN BROUGHT INTO THE HOSPITAL WITH A BROKEN HEAD, AND WAS CURED UPON THE INFINITESIMAL SYSTEM, IN THE INCREDIBLY SHORT SPACE OF THREE MONTHS. THIS MAN WAS A HARD DRINKER. HE (PROFESSOR MUFF) HAD DISPERSED THREE DROPS OF RUM THROUGH A BUCKET OF WATER, AND REQUESTED THE MAN TO DRINK THE WHOLE. WHAT WAS THE RESULT? BEFORE HE HAD DRUNK A QUART, HE WAS IN A STATE OF BEASTLY INTOXICATION, AND FIVE OTHER MEN WERE MADE DEAD-DRUNK WITH THE REMAINDER." REPORT OF THE MUDFOG ASSOCIATION, SECTION B., ANATOMY AND MEDICINE."
     THE SIDEBAR? IT READS, "THE THERAPAUTIC VALUE OF CREOSOTE IS PRETTY GENERALLY ACKNOWLEDGED. JUST HOW TO ADMINISTER THE DRUG IS THE ONLY MOOTED POINT. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS WITH CREOSOTE, FURNISHES THIS PATIENT ANTISEPTIC, ANTI-TUBERCULAR REMEDY, IN COMBINATION WITH A TISSUE-BUILDER, WHICH BY ITS PALATIBILITY, ABOLISHES THE UNPLEASANT TASTE AND IRRITANT PROPERTIES OF THE DRUG. EACH TABLESPOON CONTAINS TWO MINIMS OF PURE BEECHWOOD CREOSOTE, AND 1 MINIM OF GUAIACOL, ITS ACTIVE PRINCIPLE. DOSE 1 TO 2 TEASPOONFULS, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY."
     BLEAK HOUSE? "DR. BAYHAM BADGER HIMSELF WAS A PINK, FRESH-FACED, CRISP LOOKING GENTLEMAN, WITH A WEAK VOICE, WHITE TEETH, LIGHT HAIR AND SURPRISED EYES. 'PERHAPS YOU MAY BE INTERESTED, MR. JARNDYCE,' CONTINUED MR. BAYHAM BADGER, LEADING THE WAY INTO THE NEXT DRAWING ROOM, 'IN THIS PORTRAIT OF CAPTAIN SWOSSER. IT WAS TAKEN ON HIS RETURN HOME FROM THE AFRICAN STATION, WHERE HE HAD SUFFERED FROM THE FEVER OF THE COUNTRY. MRS. BADGER CONSIDERS IT TOO YELLOW. BUT IT'S A FINE HEAD. A VERY FINE HEAD. I FEEL WHEN I LOOK AT IT,' SAID MR. BADGER, 'THAT'S A MAN I SHOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEEN! IT STRIKINGLY BESPEAKS THE FIRST CLASS MAN THAT CAPTAIN SWOSSER PREMINENTLY WAS. ON THE OTHER SIDE, PROFESSOR DINGO, I KNEW HIM WELL, AND TENDED HIM IN PAST ILNESS; A SPEAKING LIKENESS! OVER THE PIANO, MRS BAYHAM BADGER, WHEN MRS. SWOSSER. OVER THE SOFA, MRS. BAYHAM BADGER, WHEN MRS. DINGO. OF MRS BAYAM BADGER IN ESSE. I POSSESS THE ORIGINAL AND HAVE NO COPY." BLEAK HOUSE, CHAPTER THIRTEEN.
     THE COMPANION NOTE READS: THE FACTS OF THE MATTER ARE AS FOLLOWS: ALL PHTHISICAL (THAT IS THE WAY IT WAS SPELLED), PATIENTS NEED NUTRIVE REINFORCEMENT. MOST OF THESE PATIENTS DERIVE BENEFIT FROM CREOSOTE. WHY NOT FULFILL THIS DOUBLE INDICATION WITH ONE REMEDY. LIQUID PEPTONOIDS WITH CREOSOTE. YOU CANNOT ADMINISTER A MORE EFFICIENT FLUID FOOD. YOU CANNOT DISCOVER AN EQUALLY PLEASANT METHOD OF GIVING CREOSOTE. DOSE: 1 TO 2 TABLESPOONFULS EVERY 3 TO 4 HOURS."
     AND THEN THERE'S OLD DR. MARIGOLD. "I AM A CHEAP JACK AND MY OWN FATHER'S NAME WAS WILLIAM MARIGOLD. I WAS BORN ON THE QUEEN'S HIGHWAY, BUT IT WAS THE KING'S AT THAT TIME. A DOCTOR WAS FETCHED TO MY OWN MOTHER, BY MY OWN FATHER, WHEN IT TOOK PLACE ON A COMMON; AND IN CONSEQUENCE OF HIS BEING A VERY KIND GENTLEMAN, AND ACCEPTING NO FEE BUT A TEA TRAY. I WAS NAMED DOCTOR, OUT OF GRATITUDE, AND COMPLIMENT TO HIM. THERE YOU HAVE ME. DOCTOR MERIGOLD. I OFTEN SAW THAT TRAY, AFTER I WAS THE INNOCENT, SMILING CAUSE (OR MORE LIKELY THE SCREECHING ONE), OF THE DOCTOR'S STANDING IT UP ON A TABLE, AGAINST THE WALL IN HIS CONSULTING ROOM. WHEN EVER MY OWN FATHER AND MOTHER WERE IN THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY, I USED TO PUT MY HEAD IN AT THE DOCTOR'S DOOR, AND THE DOCTOR WAS ALWAYS GLAD TO SEE ME, AND SAID, 'AHA, MY BROTHER PRACTITIONER! COME IN, LITTLE M.D. HOW ARE YOU INCLINATIONS AS TO SIX PENCE?" DOCTOR MARIGOLD'S PRESCRIPTION.
     THE ADD-0N FROM THE CHEMICAL COMPANY, READS THIS WAY: "COCA WINE, WHEN GIVEN ALONE, WILL SOMETIMES PRODUCE REACTIONARY DEPRESSION. WHEN COMBINED WITH LIQUID PEPTONOIDS IT NEVER DOES IN LIQUID PEPTONOIDS WITH COCA; THE DEPRESSING EFFECTS OF THE COCA, ARE CORRECTED BY THE PEPTONOIDS, WHICH SERVES NOT ONLY TO PREVENT UNTOWARD RESULTS BUT ALSO TO CONTRIBUTE RECONSTRUCTING QUALITIES TO THE MORE TEMPORARY STIMULATING ACTION OF THE COCA. THIS COMBINATION IS REASONABLE IN THEORY AND EFFECTIVE IN ACTION."
     AS FOR THE HEALING CAPABILITIES OF ANOTHER OF THEIR PRODUCTS, THE BOOKLET REPORTS THAT, "PHOSPHO-CAFFEIN RELIEVES THE HEADACHE, NERVOUSNESS AND INSOMNIA OF NEUROTIC INDIVIDUALS. IT POSSESSES BOTH SEDATIVE AND STIMULANT PROPERTIES. SEDATIVE TO BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM; STIMULANT TO HEART AND CIRCULATION. A GLANCE AT ITS FORMULA, WILL SERVE TO SUBSTANTIATE THESE STATEMENTS."
     "MANY OF THE GREAT ROMANCERS REVELED IN ASSORTED MEDICAL PRODIGIES. THE DOCTORS OF FICTION ARE NOT, LIKE THEIR MODERN BRETHERN, BOUND TO THE COLD ACTUALITIES OF PHYSIOLOGY AND PATHOLOGY. THEY ARE WORKERS OF MARVELS, AND THEIR ONLY MODERN COUNTERPARTS ARE THE PROPHETS OF CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND FAITH CURE.
     "SCOTT'S DOCTORS ARE MYSTERIOUS AND THEATRIC; HAWTHORNE'S MYSTIC AND OCCULT; THACKERAY'S BIBULOUS AND CONVIVIAL; DUMAS' DELIGHTED IN EATERS OF FIRE AND BREATHERS OF FLAME; WHILE BALZAC AND THE MODERN FRENCH WRITERS LOVE THE DEVOTED SCIENTISTS WHO BITE THEMSELVES WITH MAD DOGS OR SNAKES, AND DO THRILLING THINGS WITH BACTERIA. LYTTON'S DOCTORS KEEP ON LIVING FOR CENTURIES UNTIL THEY GET TIRED OF THEMSELVES AND ARE GLAD TO QUIT. THEY SELDOM SHOW THEIR AGE, AS THEY TRADE BODIES WITH HEARTY YOUNGSTERS OR CHANGE THEIR SKINS LIKE SNAKES EVERY FIFTY YEARS OR SO, WHENEVER THAT TIRED FEELING BECOMES OPPRESSIVE. CHARLES DICKENS' IMAGINARY DOCTORS ARE NOT MARVELOUS; BUT THEY ARE UNCTUOUS, AMUSING AND FAR FROM PLAUSIBLE. THEY ARE THE SECOND IN OUR SERIES OF 'DOCTORS OF FICTION,' WHICH, WHEN COMPLETE, WILL FORM A CURIOUS AND ENTERTAINING BOOK. OTHERS WILL FOLLOW AT INTERVALS, AND WE RECOMMEND OUR FRIENDS TO CAREFULLY PRESERVE THEM FOR BINDING."
     I'D LIKE A FLASK OF THIS STUFF RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I'M FEELING A TAD TIRED, AFTER A THREE HOUR WRITING JAG. "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, WHEN YOU'RE UP ALL NIGHT WRITING," SAYS MY NON-FICTION WIFE, WHO IS RIGHT NOW, LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER. GEEZ I HATE THAT. I HAD A FEW PUBLISHERS AND MANAGERS WHO USED TO DO THE SAME THING, UNTIL I'D CATCH THEIR TOES, WHEN I'D SUDDENLY, AND WITHOUT WARNING, SHIFT MY CHAIR BACK. SEEING AS I VALUE OUR MARRIAGE MORE THAN MY WRITING PRIVACY, I SHALL SIT STILL UNTIL EVENTUALLY, SHE DOESN'T SEE HER NAME IN TODAY'S COPY, AND WANDERS BACK TO HER SHOP. SHE'S A GOOD SPORT. BUT NOT IF I PUSHED THIS CHAIR BACK ONTO HER TOES.
     IT WAS ANOTHER BEAUTIFULLY APPOINTED, WARM AND SPARKLING SPRING DAY, HERE IN THE SOUTH MUSKOKA CLIMES OF UPTOWN GRAVENHURST. IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE WE HAD FOUR FOOT SNOWBANKS, JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND HUGE ICE PILES AT BOTH SIDES, OF THE SHOP'S FRONT DOOR. IT HAS BEEN BUSY TODAY, AND WOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN SELLING; BECAUSE I'VE SEEN QUITE A FEW THINGS WALKING OUT THE DOOR, UNDER THE ARMS OF SEEMINGLY PLEASED CUSTOMERS. NOW THAT, LIKE A ROBIN SIGHTED ON THE LAWN, IS ALWAYS A SIGN THE BLEAK WINTER HAS FINALLY SUCCUMBED. THIS WINTER HAS DEFINITELY REDUCED TRAFFIC, OUT AND ABOUT, AND IF SUZANNE AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME TO THE SHOP EVERY DAY, WE WOULD HAVE INSTEAD, BEEN INCLINED TO STAY HOME, WARM AND COMFY, TO RIDE IT OUT. I JUST GOT A VINTAGE BOOK, ON BARN CONSTRUCTION, BY BEATTY BROTHERS OF FERGUS, AND EVEN WITHOUT IT'S ORIGINALLY COVER BINDING, IT SOLD ONLY MINUTES AFTER BEING PRICED. NOW THAT'S THE KIND OF SPRING REVIVAL WE RETAILERS LOOK FORWARD TO!
     THANKS FOR VISITING MY BLOG TODAY. IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO HAVE YOU ABOARD. SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT I'VE SOMEHOW ASSUMED THE ROLE OF "THE FRIENDLY GIANT," FROM THE OLD TELEVISION PROGRAM (OF MY YOUTH), WHERE I SET OUT PLACES FOR FOLKS TO SIT, SO WE CAN SHARE SOME STORIES. I LOVED THAT SHOW. REMEMBER RUSTY AND JEROME?