Opera House And Some Family Connections

THE UPCOMING MUNICIPAL ELECTION - WE NEED TO SWEEP HOUSE IN GRAVENHURST

     IN A YEAR AND A HALF, THE CITIZENS OF THE TOWN OF GRAVENHURST, WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO ELECT A NEW MUNICIPAL COUNCIL. THERE ARE ALREADY SOME COUNCIL HOPEFULS POPPING UP, AND AS I HAVE OFFERED PREVIOUSLY, I WILL GLADLY ASSIST ANY FLEDGLING OR SEASONED CANDIDATE, LOOKING TO ENTER THE ELECTION RACE. I WILL OFFER MY SERVICES FOR FREE, (WHETHER YOU CHOOSE TO SEEK MY POLITICAL SLANT OR NOT) TO HELP IMPROVE BACKGROUND KNOWLEDGE, AND SEE THAT THEY DEVELOP A FULL UNCENSORED APPRECIATION, OF THE MAJOR ISSUES THEY NEED TO BONE-UP ON, PRIOR TO TOSSING THEIR HATS INTO THE PROVERBIAL RING, IN NOVEMBER 2014. SOME MAY FIND THAT MY INSIGHTS AND ADVISORIES ABOUT COUNCIL POLITICS ARE DIRE, JADED, AND A LITTLE RADICAL AT THE SAME TIME, AS HISTORICALLY BURDENSOME……BUT ALWAYS IN A WELL MEANING WAY. I WILL MAKE THEM FEEL COMFORTABLE, TO TAKE WHAT THEY FIND USEFUL, AND IGNORE THE REST OF THE BLATHER.

    I HAVE LOST FULL CONFIDENCE IN TOWN COUNCIL, AT PRESENT, AND WHILE IT MAY SEEM EARLY IN THE PROCESS TO REPLACE THEM, WELL SIR, I'D RATHER BE AHEAD OF THE CURVE ON THE KIND OF BUMPY ROAD, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF.

     AS MANY READERS KNOW, WITHOUT THE NEED FOR A SINGLE SENTENCE OF EXPLANATION, I HAVE HAD A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PRESENT COUNCIL, SINCE THEIR FIRST FEW MONTHS IN OFFICE; AND ADMITTEDLY, AT OTHER TIMES, I'VE ACTUALLY SUPPORTED THEIR INITIATIVES, AND APPLAUDED COUNCILLORS FOR SOME OF THEIR NEW PROGRAMS AND PROVOCATIVE COUNTERPOINTS. I'VE TRIED TO BE FAIR, AND GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, WHERE I COULD, AND NOT, AS A RESULT, SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST DUE TO A SHORT-CIRCUITED CONSCIENCE. MANY TIMES I'VE JUST REFUSED TO ENTER THE FREY, BECAUSE THE ONLY REAL CHANGE WILL COME AT THE VERY NEXT MUNICIPAL ELECTION. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN I FELT THAT MY CRITIQUES WERE TOO HARSH, AND MY DISMISSAL OF SOME OF THEIR IDEAS, OVERLY PREMATURE AND THUSLY UNFAIR. I'VE ADMITTED THIS, AND ANY OVER-REACTIONS, OR HEAT-OF-THE-MOMENT TIRADES, THAT MISSED THE POINT…..I HAVE RE-VISITED AND CORRECTED. AT OTHER TIMES, AS A CITIZEN, A RATEPAYER, AND AN UNYIELDING PROMOTER OF THIS TOWN (AND THEY KNOW IT), I'VE FELT THAT WE HAVE BEEN POORLY REPRESENTED. DURING THE PAST THREE AND A HALF YEARS, I'VE BEEN A SUPPORTER FIFTY PERCENT OF THE TIME, AND A CITIZEN ADVERSARY FOR THE OTHER FIFTY PERCENT. I HAVE TALKED TO MANY CITIZENS INTERESTED IN LOCAL POLITICS, IN THE PAST YEAR ESPECIALLY, AND I CAN'T FIND THE EVIDENCE OF SUPPORT, OUT THERE, THAT THEY OBVIOUSLY THINK THEY HAVE…….AS HAVING BEEN A SOLID PERFORMING AND STALWART COUNCIL, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN SOLID PERFORMERS. THEY HAVE BEEN HIT AND MISS, AND IF THEY WERE AN ENGINE, THEY WOULD HAVE LEFT US AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, WITHOUT A RIDE HOME, A LONG TIME AGO.

     I AM NOT A CEASELESS COMPLAINER, AND I'M BY DEFINITION, A LONG WAY FROM AN ARMCHAIR CRITIC. WE ONLY HAVE ONE ARMCHAIR HERE AT BIRCH HOLLOW, AND I DON'T SIT IN IT! COUNCILLORS KNOW I OFFER SOLUTIONS WELL AHEAD OF PERCEIVED PROBLEMS, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME FEEL, BY SENSIBLE PROPORTION, LIKE A CARING, PRO-ACTIVE CITIZEN, WHO WANTS THE TOWN HE CALLS HOME, TO HAVE A BRIGHT, PROSPEROUS FUTURE. THEY KNOW I'M A WILLING HISTORIAN, WHO WOULD MAKE HIMSELF AVAILABLE TO ADVISE AND CONSULT COUNCIL OR COUNCILLORS AT ANY TIME, COSTING NARY A PENNY FROM THE TOWN COFFERS. THEY DON'T LIKE THE FACT I'M COCKY AND SELF-ASSURED, AND EVEN IF I HAD WORKABLE SOLUTIONS, AND USEFUL INFORMATION, I WOULD BE THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH, WHO WOULD BE CONSULTED. AS MUCH AS I DREAM OF ONE DAY BEING A PACIFIST, AND PLEASING EVERYBODY I COME IN CONTACT WITH, I'M REALISTIC ENOUGH TO ADMIT, THIS WILL ONLY BE POSSIBLE WHEN I HIT THE NURSING HOME, AND ENJOY THE NEVER-LAND OF SEDATION. OTHERWISE, PLEASE EXCUSE ME, BUT I FEEL COMPELLED TO SPEAK MY MIND…..BECAUSE I DO FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THIS TOWN BEING MISMANAGED. I'M JUST ONE OF A GROWING CROWD.

     QUITE AWHILE BACK, I OFFERED THE TOWN OF GRAVENHURST A SOLUTION, TO WHAT I BELIEVED WAS A LACK OF DIRECTION REGARDING THE GRAVENHURST OPERA HOUSE. I SUGGESTED TO COUNCIL, THAT THEY SHOULD GIVE SERIOUS THOUGHT, TO THE CREATION OF A PROPER CITIZEN BOARD OF DIRECTORS, LIKE MANY OTHER SIMILAR VENUES, INCLUDING BRACEBRIDGE'S NEW THEATRE, TO LIAISON BETWEEN THE THEATRE MANAGER AND THE ELECTED OFFICIALS OF THIS TOWN. IT WASN'T A BRAINSTORM. IT WASN'T AN IDEA THAT AN ALIEN PROBE PLANTED IN MY MIND, FOR LATER FRUITION, OR WAS IT THE THOUGHTS OF A MADMAN WITH TOO MUCH TIME TO CONCOCT SUCH WILD PLANS. THE TOWN, IN MY OPINION, THEN AND NOW, SHOULD NOT BE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS AS SUCH. IN FACT, IF THEY HAD GIVEN THE MATTER SOME SERIOUS SCRUTINY, AND TALKED TO SOME OF THEIR OWN CITIZEN MENTORS, I THINK THE IDEA WOULD HAVE HAD SOME SERIOUS MERIT…..AND POSSIBLY, WITH A LITTLE TWEAKING, COULD HAVE BECOME A BETTER WAY OF MANAGING OUR HISTORIC OPERA HOUSE. THEY HAD A CHANCE TO TALK WITH AN OLD BUZZARD LIKE ME, BUT TO THEM, IT WAS JUST A CITIZEN WITH A BLOG, MEDDLING WHERE HE SHOULDN'T BE. HEY, IT'S THEIR TURN AT COUNCIL, FOR BETTER OR WORSE. IT'S UP TO THE CONSTITUENTS OF THIS TOWN TO DECIDE WHETHER IT WAS ONE OR THE OTHER.

THE OPERA HOUSE IS THE PLACE TO WATCH IN THE FUTURE

     Whether you will read about it in the local press, or hear about it on the regional radio station, all is not well at the Gravenhurst Opera House. The town will spin the story to suit themselves, and their agenda. They will feel that citizens, at large, will support and appreciate their "moving forward" kind of management protocol. There will be lots of folks who aren't interested anyway, who don't go (and who never have) to the Opera House, and wouldn't attend even a free event…..if there were gifts being handed out to patrons. There are others however, who are going to go through a period of being disgruntled, and suspicious of how this new direction, with new bodies, has come about without a smidgeon of critical press. None. Promotion? Yes. Council debate? Not known! One of the biggest changes in the Opera House in recent memory, has escaped serious and critical public scrutiny. I clearly remember the hoopla and the criticism associated with a previous theatre project, several years ago, but that was then…..what about now? How has this substantial new theatre proposal, been spared the same exposure in the media? Why does the public know so little about it, and how it came to be, almost the total summer agenda? Was the media just missing council meetings, or not getting the relevant committee notes? You'd think this kind of turn-around in Opera House direction, would have drawn reporters into the message sharing. Maybe the reporters were sound asleep when this arrangement was being hammered out. How come the first theatre proposal stole all the ink? Why was the public generally avoided, in making comment, as to whether this was what the town actually wanted for their newly roofed Opera House? Well, I think it's pretty clear. They didn't want our opinions. They decided to exercise their authority as elected councillors, serving the fine constituents of Gravenhurst. They know what we want? Right?

     This…..Friday, May, 31st,  was the last day my two lads were employed as stage technicians at the Opera House. Son Robert has been with the town, in this capacity, for two years, and Andrew had been planning on reaching the first decade, of what he believed would be a long, long term relationship. This spring, even with their mentor, and friend, Fred Schulz, at the helm once again, they had to make a painful choice about their working relationship with the town, and the Opera House they both loved. They have a business across the road, and work as technical contractors for other venues, and only had ranking as occasional part time employees. They were being asked to work many more hours, this summer season, than they could possibly afford to give up, and still run their main street shop, as they have for the past eight years. Andrew has at times, balanced four entertainment venues, and still met all his time and service obligations at the Opera House. It meant a lot of driving, convenience grab and run dinners, and a huge number of late nights. Recently, we had to discuss the matter, as a business family, and the decision was clear, and without reservation……while at the same time, full to overflowing with regret. And while the Town of Gravenhurst, and the councillors, most who knew Andrew personally, would not bother to wish both lads the best in their future endeavors, or think it prudent and even politically correct, to at the very least, shake their hands on this, the last day of their relationship……each boy would have bent over backwards, to offer their hands of friendship regardless of the situation…..because that's how they were brought up……and how they have always handled situations of diplomacy, regardless of their feelings or sense of political right and wrong. I think the biggest disappointment of all, was for certain councillors, to have simply turned their backs…..because it seemed like the right protocol…..as the masters of this domain…..to not show any sense of remorse, at how their policy, has changed what Andrew and Robert had always known, and been able to work with, at a building they cherished as employees and frequent performers.

     I'm a writer. Not a preacher. I'm not a therapist or a candlestick maker. I should be able to tell the boys that life's just like that……and fairness doesn't enter into it whatsoever. I keep thinking that they're little lads…..the ones who used to tug at my leg because they were hungry, and I was writing too long. I don't know what to say to them, really, as adult children…..other than to suggest they should run their business, and look after their private contracts, and consider the likelihood that one day, a new council, will have a new plan, for the Opera House; and a need for experienced technicians. I have told them not to think adversely of their home town, because this is not the handiwork of the citizens at large. While these guys are as tough as nails, and they know how to take a punch on the chin, it's awfully hard to deal with the separation, of what for Andrew, had become a second home…..where he knew everything about the old building, and cared for it as its steward. I can't tell you how many times, during major storm events, we would run Andrew up to the Opera House, so he could check on the building…..that was prone to leaking, especially over the stage. He wasn't on the clock. It was just something he believed was an unwritten but necessary part of his job. To look after the old girl.

     No matter how I write this, I can, and will be accused, and rightfully so, of being an overly protective parent. It is full of nepotism, and sickly sweet family overtures, as if we consider ourselves the first family of Gravenhurst, deserving of special treatment. Once again, my trust, is that folks who know us, will appreciate this isn't an accurate portrayal, of citizens who have volunteered regularly, to help where it has been needed. Sentiments like mine, expressed in these humble lines, have no place in the agenda of council business. I know this, and I offer an apology for what must only seem as self serving, and a case of "family first." It isn't so, and those who know the boys' work ethic and record, will recognize this immediately. I might have left this alone entirely, if it wasn't for the reality, that history has been made by council….whether they know it or not, and it really doesn't have anything to do with our family; but this profound change of direction must be noted, and abided by, as it is council's desire. I believe it will keep making history as well, and this will either be a milestone in success, an adequate change of venue, or something else that will earn its own scrutiny later on.

     The solution to this all, and burn me at the stake if it is viewed as heresy, was to have appointed a board of directors, to act as an advisory panel, as a representative voice of the public, to decide on the entertainment protocols at the Opera House, in conjunction with the manager and the town. Simple, basic democracy.

      In a separate matter, it is with a profound, boisterous and heartfelt thank you, to the kind gentleman who mentored our lads from their earliest days, in the entertainment industry, and who has inspired us all, for so many years, about what it means to love your hometown…..and work diligently on its behalf. Thank you so much, Fred Schulz, for being an outstanding role model, always! So much good has grown from those early days at the Gravenhurst Opera House, with such enthusiasm to learn. Andrew and Robert send their best.

      

Antique Collecting and The Real World; The War in Syria

ANTIQUE COLLECTING AND THE REAL WORLD……FOREVER IN AND OUT OF CRISIS

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? DOES COLLECTING SOMEHOW INSULATE US FROM REALITY? OR DRAW US DEEPER WITHIN?

     I WAS READING THE NEWS LAST NIGHT, HALF THINKING ABOUT THE WEEK'S BURDEN OF WORK IN THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION, (WE'RE EXPANDING OUR SHOP) AND THE REALITY THAT THE WAR IN SYRIA IS QUICKLY BECOMING A MAJOR WORLD CRISIS. ON ONE HAND, I'M TIRED OF HAULING STUFF INTO THE NEW SHOP SPACE. ON THE OTHER, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET BLOWN-UP ANY TIME SOON. OR EVER! YET THERE'S SOMETHING VERY COMPELLING ABOUT THE STORY AT MY FINGERTIP, THAT SUGGESTS WE ENJOY WHAT LITTLE TIME WE MAY HAVE LEFT BEFORE THE GREAT FLASH AND BURN OF ARMAGEDDON.

   HOW DOES ANYONE REACT, THESE DAYS OF SUPPOSED ENLIGHTENMENT, WHO HAS SOME BASIC BACKGROUND IN WORLD POLITICS, AND INTERNATIONAL HISTORY, WHEN SUDDENLY, AT THE TURN OF A NEWS PAGE, WE'RE READING ABOUT RUSSIAN MISSILE DELIVERIES; AND ANOTHER COUNTRY, ISRAEL, IN THIS CASE, TELLING THEM, RATHER, WARNING THEM, TO CEASE AND DESIST. THE QUESTION OF WHICH COUNTRY IS RIGHT, WILL HAVE A LOT TO DO, I SUPPOSE, WITH THE STOCK OF WEAPONS THEY POSSESS. THE MORAL HIGH GROUND IS ONE THING. BIG BOMBS, AND LOTS OF THEM, QUITE ANOTHER. THE HIGH GROUND CAN BE LEVELED RATHER QUICKLY.

    I WASN'T VERY OLD WHEN THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS OCCURRED, BUT I KNOW THAT NEIGHBORS IN BURLINGTON, WERE CARRYING OUT PLANS TO BUILD FALL-OUT SHELTERS. I WAS NEVER ACTUALLY INSIDE ONE, BUT I DID SEE ONE BEING CONSTRUCTED. THIS WEEK'S NEWS THAT RUSSIA PLANS ON SENDING A WHACK OF MISSILES TO SYRIA, AND THAT ISRAEL HAS MADE IT CLEAR THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA, SHOULD MAKE US PAUSE FOR A MOMENT, AND THINK A LITTLE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF TWO MAJOR WORLD POWERS, IN A PRECARIOUS DEBATE, IN A VERY DANGEROUS PART OF THE WORLD. ALL OF A SUDDEN, BEING AN ANTIQUE DEALER IS LIKE BEING A GNAT ON A MOUNTAINSIDE, PONDERING WHETHER IT WILL BE MORE PROSPEROUS TO GO UP, OR SCALE BACK DOWN. WHAT WILL BE BETTER FOR HEALTH AND WELFARE, WHEN THE MATTER OF PROFIT IS SET ASIDE? CRIPES, THERE'S ENOUGH BOMBS BETWEEN THESE COUNTRIES, TO BREAK THE WORLD INTO ROCKY CHUNKS.

     I BELIEVE QUITE A FEW ANTIQUE DEALERS, BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY SAGE, AND HISTORICALLY PRUDENT AT THE SAME TIME, WHEN IT COMES TO SUCH INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS, AND SHARPLY DANGEROUS POLITICS. MOST FOLKS WHO SPEND THEIR LIVES DELVING INTO THE PAST, TO COLLECT ITS HEIRLOOM PIECES, HAVE AN INTEREST, AT THE SAME TIME, EQUATING AND UNDERSTANDING THE EVENTS OF THIS LIFE AND TIMES CHRONICLE; WITH A GENUINE INTEREST IN THE RESPONSIVE AND REACTIVE WAYS OF THE FUTURE. I HAVEN'T KNOWN A DEALER YET, WHO WASN'T TUNED IN TO THE LATEST NEWS, AND I MEAN THAT! I HAVE FOUND THAT ANTIQUE DEALERS, AND COLLECTORS, WANT TO KNOW THE DAILY NEWS, AND HAVE A PROFOUND INTEREST IN GLOBAL ACTIVITIES, WHETHER IT IS GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS, NEWS ABOUT SUCCESSES, OR NEWS ABOUT HUMAN TRAGEDY. THEY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES, AND EVENTS THAT CAUSE THE ENVIRONMENT TO BE STRESSED. THEY ARE DRAWN TO HISTORY, AND THEY WANT TO KNOW MORE; WHETHER IT IS ABOUT WORLD WAR, OR CULTURAL HERITAGE…..ARCHITECTURAL HISTORY, OR TRENDS IN ART. THEY ARE CURIOUS FOLKS, THESE ASTUTE ANTIQUE DEALERS AND COLLECTORS, AND I REALLY DO BELIEVE, THEY FEEL IT IS ENTIRELY NECESSARY, TO BE GROUNDED IN PREVAILING REALITIES, BECAUSE IT DOES INFLUENCE BUSINESS, AND MOST CERTAINLY PREVAILING TRENDS. HISTORY MAKES A STRANGE BEDFELLOW, THAT'S FOR SURE. SOMETIMES, ADMITTEDLY, IT CAN BE A LITTLE OVERWHELMING…..BEING SO CLOSE TO WORK, DAY AND NIGHT. AT TIMES, AS WELL, IT IS HARD TO STEP OUT OF HISTORY, AND THE WORLD OF OLD THINGS IN WHICH WE DWELL. IT'S OUR COMFORT ZONE. OUR RESPECTIVE WALDENS. IT'S PARTICULARLY HARD TO TAKE THE PRESENT AT FACE VALUE ANYWAY, BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS COLORED BY THE EVENTS OF THE PAST. WE MAY EVEN BE A LITTLE CRITICAL OF THOSE WHO SKIM OVER THE SURFACE OF LIFE, WITHOUT EVER FEELING THE NECESSITY OF DELVING BELOW THE SURFACE……TO SEE WHAT TIME HAS ETCHED ON THE PLACES WE NOW DWELL. I CALL IT GARDEN VARIETY APATHY. IT MAY BE THAT APATHY IS EVEN MORE DANGEROUS THAN LOTS OF BIG BOMBS.

     FOR EXAMPLE, THE MOST POPULAR COLLECTABLES WE HAVE TODAY, ARE KITCHEN RELATED, AND NOSTALGIA THEMES, RANGING FROM KITCHEN GADGETS, AND VINTAGE APPLIANCES (HAMILTON BEACH MILKSHAKE MAKERS TO MIX-MASTERS), TO OLD RADIOS, STEREOS, RECORD PLAYERS, VINTAGE VINYL AND 78'S, LIGHTING, AND RETRO FURNITURE. AND YES, EVEN FROM THE PERIOD OF THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS, WHICH WAS VERY POIGNANT TO US BABY BOOMERS. THE STYLES OF THE 1950'S THROUGH TO 1980'S, ARE BECOMING MAINSTAYS FOR FOLKS LIKE US, WHO SELL A LOT OF ANTIQUES TO HOME AND CONDO DECORATORS. AND YES COTTAGES, AND BUSINESSES, FROM LODGES TO RESTAURANTS. WE UNDERSTAND THE TRENDS, AND WE FOLLOW AS CLOSELY AS WE CAN, ESPECIALLY THE NEWS THAT MIGHT EVENTUALLY CREATE A NEW INTEREST, AND MOVEMENT IN THE COLLECTING FIELD. ANTIQUE AND COLLECTABLE DEALERS NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THEM, IF THEY PLAN ON STAYING IN THE BUSINESS FOR AWHILE LONGER. I KNOW MANY DEALER FRIENDS, WHO WERE BURNED WHEN TRENDS SUDDENLY TRAILED OFF INTO THE ABYSS, LEAVING THEM HOLDING THE BAG, ON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF UNSALEABLE INVENTORY. I'VE BEEN TRAPPED MYSELF, AND YES, IT WAS THE RESULT OF SPORTS CARD MANIA BACK IN THE EARLY 1990'S. THERE ARE A LOT OF COLLECTORS WITH STACKED BOXES OF HOCKEY AND BASEBALL CARDS THEY COULDN'T SELL THEN, WHO HAVE HUNG ONTO THE HOPE THAT "ONE DAY……THEY'LL ACTUALLY BE WORTH SOMETHING." RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE PRICED BY THE POUND, FROM THOSE YEARS WHEN COMPANIES PRODUCED WAY TO MUCH PRODUCT FOR THE MARKET TO SUSTAIN.

     I CAN COMFORTABLY DWELL HERE, IN MY OWN GENTLE AND FORGIVING NEVER-LAND, FEELING MOMENTARILY, THAT LIKE PETER PAN, I DON'T HAVE TO GROW UP. I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH BAD THINGS, AND IMPOSING DIFFICULTIES, BECAUSE I'VE GOT MY BALANCE IN THE HISTORY I PREFER. THEN I WAKE UP FROM THIS TEMPORARY DELUSION, AND SUDDENLY BREAK OUT INTO A COLD SWEAT, BECAUSE WE COLLECTORS KNOW THAT THE TIME IN HISTORY, WHICH GAVE US THIS CHARMING NOSTALGIA, ALSO HAD THE ATTACHMENT OF GREAT PERIL INFUSED INTO ITS DAILY CHRONICLE…..OF HOW IT CAME ABOUT, AND HOW IT SURVIVED……. TO NOW SO PRETTILY, DECORATE MY LIVING SPACE. 

WORLD EVENTS ALWAYS INFLUENCE TRENDS

     I sat there on our retro sofa, looking at our plethora of nostalgia pieces here at Birch Hollow, documenting the past two hundred years of history, trying to imagine what it might look like, up close and personal, when two super-powers point missiles at one another, and mean it! There have been lots of threats, and tense moments in the past twenty years, in the Middle East, (North Korea, in their part of the globe, also likes to threaten nuclear winter on its so called enemies), but not quite like this latest stand-off, if you can even call it that…..because things are escalating as I write this piece. When you put your knowledge of international history, and precedents of the years of war in the Middle East, even the recent incursions all over the region, it is crazy-frightening, to appreciate, just what carnage could ensue, because of what I can only think of as delusional reckoning, of what it might be like to be the surviving country, dictator and the enduring religion, of a smoldering ruins of dead earth. Just think of the risk to the entire world, caused by one small country, a dictator, religious extremism, and way too many weapons, including chemical and biological warfare. It just isn't a situation that is conducive at all, to buying and selling antiques and collectables, because our industry, whether you believe it or not, has to constantly reckon with the mood of those who companion themselves with history; those who prefer to sit in their homes and cottages, surrounded by friendly and nostalgic reminders of the past. Folks like us. We like our history to be peaceful and respectful.

   In war time, the imprint of history, minute by minute, is deep and cavernous, and a reality that is impossible to defer or ignore because it's unpleasant. I am surprised, frankly, by the number of people who have no idea just how dangerous it is becoming in this part of the world……more than most of us have seen in our lifetimes. It is the powder keg of the world. It has a vein of horror, that could prevail upon us, a most disastrous future. Then the movies that highlight end-of-the-world scenarios, would be seen as predictors, and having bestowed upon the public, a reality cloaked in a flimsily vail of fiction. Is this the final narrow, winding path, to the next world war? Will it be noted by historians in the future, if there are any left to make copious noters, how a brutal dictator drew the whole planet into a religious conflict of Biblical proportion, a real Holy War, but with the twist of new age tools of human destruction?

     This is a miserable, and I dare say, depressing attempt, at writing a column about antiques and collectables. I offer this then, as a humble apology, for my current worries about our general state of well being…..even in Canada, a long way from the war zone. But it is also a relevance in our profession, we can not avoid, and still call ourselves antique collectors. It is what "it's all about!" that we are lovers of history. We respect what history has created; how the peoples of the world have survived despite the chaos and carnage inherent of the ages. I'm not suggesting that other professions, and folks outside of the antique trade, aren't eager to know the prevailing realities of international affairs. What I'm pointing out, is that we very much depend, in our profession, on a knowledge of world affairs…..cultures, religions, social / economic realities, past and present, and what is pending out there, that will change the prevailing moods and trends…….and it's not just about the compromises to our way of earning a living. Being passionate about history, and its heirloom pieces, stretches well beyond what you might expect of businessmen and women, trying to protect their interests. Many of us are also world travelers and hunt and gather all around the globe. A world in crisis does very much influence the way we plan out our future enterprises, and sometimes, like me, this week, we just sit here thoughtfully, and let the ink seep slowly into our finger tips……., our bloodstream, because, as historically savvy, as we think we are, nothing addresses the fear we have……..and know so well, about how often history does repeat. And there are millions of people today, who haven't the slightest concern, news of this latest middle east debacle, will make page one of the daily press tomorrow. Us antiquarians do our homework, so we know, from our knowledge of world affairs over the centuries, how, day by day, this one-country conflict, of a year ago, is now….at this precise moment in history, a dire global event, with a hellish potential.

     I think an antique road-trip this weekend might be acceptable. I think the pastoral scenes, and lakeland vistas, might cheer me up. Maybe a picnic at one of our beautiful little Muskoka parks would be nice. As far as being overly interested in big time buying, honestly, for this dealer, it will depend on the news of the day. I'm not a doomsayer, and I am the last person you'd label as "negative," or even overly "critical," but my knowledge of history carries most weight these days; and I ponder a lot, what will eventually sort it all out, over there, before there are many craters dotting the countryside……and a new alarm in this world, about the relevance of building fall-out shelters in our backyards. If we were scared enough then, in the 1960's, to plan exit strategies, we should be petrified by the latest turn of events, because now we have religious extremism at the fore-front, and a lot more weapons of mass destruction in between.

     I love antiques, and I find great comfort sitting amongst our many collectables, most coming from our respective families over the generations. These pieces, as inanimate as they all are, are still the jazzed survivors of yesteryear's strife…..so, there is mild comfort, that we may survive with them, past this latest world crisis……and remember 2013 as the great year we prevented a nuclear winter from its first blizzard.

     We often have little gatherings of dealers and collectors, huddled in our shop, talking about current events, and world history as it applies to the present. We are all, in our own way, hobby historians by profession…..and even though some of us collect china and glass, and others prefer the company of vintage game boards, toys and old buttons, doesn't mean we don't appreciate the sharp barbs of chronology…..and not just our own. Most of us have grown up, with one hand on the daily news, while listening to the latest news broadcast, and sharing information with our contemporaries, because ours is the business of historical preservation. Before it's preserved, it needs to be understood. So this is where I am today, once again, trying to figure out how our family of antique hunters, buyers and sellers, fit into the latest world history…..of which we can not escape, but we may be able to survive. Just as Suzanne and I, and our respective parents, survived the Cuban Missile Crisis, without a single bomb landing on our heads. I do remember being taught how to climb under our school desks, in case there was a missile strike. So I do remember the social / educational impact, of the world in peril, once, long ago. Today? I don't think a fall-out shelter is going to help much.

     Thanks for joining this rather morose, slightly self-indulgent overview, of what we should all be conscious of…….as the precarious path ahead.

My Writing Now Becoming Collectible! My God!

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN THE PROFESSION LONG ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED AN ANTIQUE……

WHEN THE RELICS OF YOUR OWN HAND START TURNING UP AS COLLECTABLES

     I STILL GET A FUNNY FEELING, FROM TIME TO TIME, COMING UPON MY BOOKS FOR SALE ON THE SHELVES OF SECOND HAND SHOPS, USED BOOK STORES, OR IN THRIFT SHOPS. OF COURSE, I BUY THEM BACK AND OFFER THEM FOR RE-SALE IN OUR OWN SHOP. I'VE BEEN AN ASSISTANT EDITOR ON FIVE OTHER BOOKS, AND I FEEL IT'S NECESSARY FOR POSTERITY, TO BUY THEM AS WELL, CONSIDERING MY NAME IS ATTACHED TO THE CREDITS. I MAY JUST BE A LITTLE VAIN TO DO THIS.BUT  I'M NOT A NARCISSIST! REALLY! I'M WRITING A BIOGRAPHY AFTER ALL. I HAVE TO BE A LITTLE SELF CENTERED OR IT WOULDN'T BE A BIOGRAPHICAL.

     IN AN ORILLIA ANTIQUE SHOP, RECENTLY, SON ROBERT WAS EXCITED TO SHOW ME A LATE 1980'S COPY OF "THE MUSKOKA SUN," THAT I WAS ASSISTANT EDITOR OF, FROM ABOUT 1985 TO 1989. I TOOK A WEE PEEK, AND SAW ARTICLES ON THE "HISTORY OF BRACEBRIDGE BAY," FOR EXAMPLE, AND ABOUT A HALF DOZEN EDITORIAL FILLERS I USED TO WRITE, FOR EDITOR BOB BOYER, WHILE WORKING FROM MY HOME OFFICE…..AND ENJOYING MY ROLE AS "MR. MOM."

    BOB WAS A REAL TASK MASTER, AND HE REFUSED TO RUN WHAT WE CALLED "CANNED-COPY" WHICH REPRESENTED GOVERNMENT PRESS RELEASES THAT WERE CONVENIENTLY "CAMERA READY," TO BE CUT AND PASTED ONTO THE NEWSPAPER FLATS (IN THOSE EARLY DAYS BEFORE FULL COMPUTERIZATION IN THE WORKPLACE). BOB WOULD HAVE ME EITHER RE-WRITE THEM, TO LOCALIZE THE CONTENT, OR I'D JUST WRITE HISTORICAL VIGNETTES. EVERYTHING ROBERT (WHO WAS NAMED AFTER BOB) WAS POINTING AT, IN THE QUICK FLIP THROUGH THE PAPER, FOUND IN THE "EPHEMERA BIN" IN THIS SHOP, HAD BEEN WRITTEN BY YOURS TRULY. BOB ALMOST KILLED ME IN THOSE YEARS, WITH COPY DEMANDS, BUT I GOT LOTS OF WRITING PRACTICE AS WELL; AND MANY, MANY BYLINES. TO SEE THIS PAPER TODAY, MAKES ME A LITTLE SAD ABOUT WHAT I DID A DECADE AGO, IN A FIT OF ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND A LITTLE BIT OF WRITING ANGST.

     THE PROBLEM WITH BEING A NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST, VERSUS JUST WRITING BOOKS, IS THAT EVERY WEEK, AND SOMETIMES MULTIPLE TIMES OVER SEVEN DAYS, I WOULD HAVE MY WORK ON THE NEWSTANDS THROUGHOUT THE DISTRICT. AT TIMES MY CIRCULATION BACK THEN WOULD COME CLOSE TO SEVENTY THOUSAND A WEEK, CONSIDERING WHERE I HAD CONTRIBUTED MATERIAL. I WOULD WRITE FOR THE HERALD-GAZETTE, WHICH HAD A RELATIVELY MODEST CIRCULATION, OF ABOUT SIX THOUSAND WEEKLY. THEN THERE WAS "THE MUSKOKA ADVANCE," WHICH WENT TO EVERY HOUSEHOLD IN THE DISTRICT, ON SUNDAYS, AND IN SEASON, THE MUSKOKA SUN. I MIGHT HAVE TWENTY EDITORIAL PIECES IN THOSE THREE PUBLICATIONS. SOMETIMES MORE, DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH SPACE MR. BOYER HAD TO FILL BETWEEN THE ADS. THIS WAS A NOSTALGIC DAY, MY FRIENDS, WHEN "THE MUSKOKA SUN," WAS A LEGEND AS A PROVINCIAL SUMMER PAPER, AND ON HOLIDAY WEEKENDS, LIKE THE FIRST OF AUGUST (CIVIC HOLIDAY), WE WOULD BE UP TO ONE HUNDRED PAGES. THIS WELL RECEIVED PUBLICATION SERVED THE COTTAGE COMMUNITY, AND COTTAGERS COLLECTED THE ENTIRE SEASON'S OUTPUT, WHICH THEN, WAS STRETCHING FROM MAY 24TH TO THANKSGIVING. THOSE HUNDRED PAGE ISSUES WERE KILLERS TO EDITORIAL STAFF. IT'S WHEN WE BEGGED MR. BOYER TO USE MORE PHOTOGRAPHS, BECAUSE WE WERE "TAPPED OUT" AS FAR AS BEING ABLE TO PRODUCE ENOUGH MATERIAL, TO FILL ALL THE WHITE SPACES. I WAS HAUNTED IN MY AFTER-HOURS BY THOSE WHITE SPACES. AND I KNOW ALL ABOUT THOSE HUNDRED PAGE ISSUES, BECAUSE THE WRITING STAFF CHIPPED IN ON DELIVERY DAY AROUND THE LAKES, AND BY THE TIME OUR ROUTE WAS DONE, ALL OUR HANDS WERE BLOODIED BY THE BANDING THAT USED TO CUT INTO THE FLESH. NEWS PRINT, BLISTERS AND BLOOD. THERE'S A TITLE FOR MY BOOK ON MUSKOKA'S NEWSPAPER WARS, IF I EVER GET BORED ENOUGH TO WRITE ANOTHER BOUND TOME.

     I WENT ON TO A SHORT PERIOD AS EDITOR OF "THE MUSKOKAN," FOLLOWING MY DEPARTURE FROM MUSKOKA PUBLICATIONS, AND THESE WERE MY OWN HALCYON DAYS IN PRINT. WHILE I DID RETURN AS A REGULAR CONTRIBUTOR OF COLUMNS TO THE MUSKOKA ADVANCE AND MUSKOKA SUN, IN THE 1990'S, MY CIRCULATION DROPPED SUBSTANTIALLY. I DIDN'T HAVE AS MANY NEWSPAPERS TO HANG ONTO, AND STORE HERE AT BIRCH HOLLOW. RIGHT UP TO THE NEW CENTURY, I WAS BEING PUBLISHED MULTIPLE TIMES WEEKLY, AND I FELT COMPELLED TO HAVE ONE OF EACH. I HAVE DONE THIS WITH OTHER FEATURE PUBLICATIONS I HAVE WRITTEN FOR, INCLUDING "THE WAYBACK TIMES," "CURIOUS; THE TOURIST GUIDE," AND "COTTAGE TIMES." MY POINT? I WRITE A LOT. DAH! NO SURPRISE ABOUT THAT! NOW CONSIDER MY FEELING OF NECESSITY, FOR THE RECORD, OF KEEPING ALL THESE PUBLICATIONS, AND SOMETIMES MULTIPLES, IF I REALLY LIKED THE STORIES I WROTE FOR THAT ISSUE. IN ONE CASE, I HAD TWO BUNDLES EQUALING ONE HUNDRED PAPERS, OF A SPECIAL INSERT I WROTE, AS A BIOGRAPHY OF BRACEBRIDGE BORN, NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE ALL STAR, ROGER CROZIER (DETROIT RED WINGS). I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHY I FELT I NEEDED THIS MANY, FOR MY PERSONAL FILES, AND THEY TOO FELL VICTIM TO A VICIOUS PERIOD OF RECYCLING A DECADE AGO, WHEN I GOT MAD AT THE WORLD, AT PUBLICATIONS, AND MY ROLE AS A WRITER. AS I DO EVERY FEW YEARS, I BECOME DISENCHANTED WITH MY OUTPUT, AND START THWACKING AND DISCARDING EVERYTHING UP TO THAT POINT. I WOULD HAVE HAD MULTIPLE COPIES OF "THE MUSKOKA SUN," ROBERT WAS SHOWING ME, BUT ALAS, IT WAS PART OF THE COLOSSAL CULL OF 2003. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO REGRET IT, BUT I KEPT TOSSING THE BUNDLES INTO THE BINS AT THE LANDFILL SITE. IT FELT LIKE I WAS SHEDDING SKIN, SO THAT A NEW ONE COULD GROW ATOP THE OLD BODY.

I COULD HAVE BUILT A HOUSE FROM THE PAPERS I KEPT

     My newspaper archives was supposed to be my most important asset as a writer. As an historian, these were valuable print resources, to use for the rest of my life as a researcher. As a collector, there was a monetary value attached……just like the asking price of a few bucks, on the single issue of "The Muskoka Sun," in this antique shop. I didn't buy this copy but if it eventually sells, by golly, I'm going to feel real bad, that I pissed away a lot of money, by re-cycling what was once, the validation of a life spent in the the writing profession.

    But to look at the several walls thick with newspaper piles, the casual observer to Birch Hollow, back then, would have said to another visitor, "Our host is a hoarder!" They would have been right, of course, to think this, especially if I hadn't been able to clarify precisely why I kept four thousand old newspapers in my archives. Eventually Suzanne insisted I move them to the shed, and for years after this, she'd let me know, "One day Ted, we're going to have to clean it out…..and you're going to have to do something with those newspapers." For years I would tell her it was all looked after, until the day I caught her in there, poking about, and finding out that I'd been lying to her for years. I felt as if she'd all of a sudden found an article of clothing from a lover (I didn't have), accidentally left behind during a sordid "in the shed" affair. I sort of felt that my collection was a mistress, best kept concealed. Then she said it! What I had feared more than "Pack your stuff, cause you're out of here!" She informed me, that this particular summer, we were going to sit and go through these papers, and clip out important articles…..not just mine; but anything that was important to us as regional historians. This by the way, would have taken six months to accomplish, and I am hugely impatient.

     One day, during a yard sale, I spent some time trying to create order amongst the piles of newspapers, dating back to when I began, as a columnist on "Antiques and Collectables," for the Braccebridge Examiner, in the spring of 1978; shortly after the publication was launched. I moved twenty or so papers, and the avalanche began. Slowly at first, and then pile after pile came pounding down on my head, shoulders, and a few bundles connecting to the groin. I was buried by my own creativity. I snapped. I started tossing some of the bundled newsprint around the shed, and that brought down other boxes onto my thick noggin. Suzanne has always been kind, when I'm in one of these moods, and although she doesn't buy the artistic privilege of being moody, and prone to angry outbursts, she does understand how much time I spend at the keyboard…..and some of the demands I face on freelance projects to meet deadlines can get pretty crazy. But I don't resort to booze any more to lubricate me from one job to the next. Suzanne makes me cookies and Sleepy Time Tea. I begin to purr in unison with five sleeping house-cats. 

     For the rest of that day, I made runs to the landfill site, and the recycling bins, to dump off my entire collection of newspapers. Thousands upon thousands of bylines, on stories I felt so positive about, and labored on for so long, gone in see-through blue bags, deep down into the bins with haunting, terrible thuds…..much like I imagine a corpse would sound hitting the metal bottom. It felt a little like this, because the work I was tossing away, represented decades of my career. Yet, at almost the same time, as it felt weird to separate from my life's work, surprisingly enough, it also felt quite liberating; but I would have needed therapy to determined why I felt this way. As is tradition for me, a month after dumping all my personal archives, including a lot of rough notes and article drafts, I got a research gig, that in part, necessitated having those back issues. It created many hours of extra work, because I now had to seek out other sources and archives instead.

     Writers, artists, musicians and a host of other professionals, who rely on creativity to make a living, often suffer these little emotional set-backs, when everything done to that point, seems more like an anchor than a paved road from there to here. While I have only ever ceased being published, for one year since 1978, due to a dispute with a publisher, I started to lose my way, despite the fact I had enough personal mapping to never, ever get lost. I had a huge number of precedents in those file papers…..articles that were turning points for me, like the Crozier feature publication, that changed my life for the better. So I should have been able to take that print road map, and pull myself out of every funk that got in my way. At this particular time, after the events of 9-11, and feeling a lot of political disenchantment, including general discontent with local publishing, it was easy to bypass the idea of clipping articles……and just turf the whole lot…..and live with the regrets as a sort of self punishment for having been a writer too-long for my own good.

     When son Robert facilitated my entry into the blog-asphere, my whole perspective on writing and the future changed. I wasn't killing trees to carry the ink of my stories. I was also keeping a copious record of my work published, in a micro amount of space, that didn't necessitate its own special room. I could recall old copy back to the screen, in mere seconds, and as well, reach many more readers internationally, than I ever could have, only working in the traditional print industry. My circulation today, as an old fart in the same profession, is much greater and broader than ever before, and I now recognize it's exactly why I had to rid myself of that burden of the past……by recycling thousands of pounds of newsprint strangling our household. Going through minor depressions, is pretty much routine in the creative enterprise. I give up writing at least three times a week, until something triggers the very next inspiration to soldier-on. I get a lot of emails through this blog, and a few of them are actually complimentary, and make suggestions about other topics in the collecting (and political) forum, to explore and explain. I love this lightning speed interaction, and I'm greatly appreciative of the international audience, which got a big boost when I wrote the biography, last year, of Polish-Canadian Artist, Richard Karon. Karon had an art studio for many years in the Township of Lake of Bays, near the Village of Baysville. I received an astonishing swell of readership in Poland, and from there, I've broken into a number of other markets, especially in the discussion of basic "country" antique hunting, in rural Ontario. I'm still a long way from hauling home a Pulitzer, or a major literary award, but maybe there's a lifetime achievement plaque out there with my name on it……..with an inscription that reads, "We can't believe this guy is still writing daily after all these years, having successfully endured all the criticism, taunts, jeers, and boos!"

     So that's the story of when I ceased being a textbook hoarder, and unburdened myself…..and my family, of a lifetime's worth of newspapers…..I really didn't need at all!

Editorial Note: I'm not kidding. Due to the pressures of respective work places, for both Fred Schulz and I, we are going to take a wee break for awhile, publishing the "Muskoka as Walden" blog. With our expansion plans at our shop sucking the hours out of our family, big time, I've been getting home so late in the evening, it's been nearly impossible to provide fresh copy. Suzanne's "Cookery Nookery" is in the final month of preparation, and in order to keep it on schedule, we've had to put in a lot of over-time hours as well, leaving little time to sit and compose at this keyboard, for two blogs each daily. Fred has similarly been in a tough work environment, and there seems to be less hours to pursue what we mutually enjoy in both writing and landscape photography. We have been running the blog for two months now, and anyone who has been following us, during this time, will certainly realize just how accomplished Fred is, as a regional photographer. I've been delighted to have his work to use, for these two months, but alas, it has been a lot to ask, to have daily photographs, when there are only a few open hours of daylight left, to take pictures, following the chores of the day. If he does catch up on his photographic interests, he is welcome to submit them, once again, to be used in this blog instead. I hope you will stick with this blog, and there is a lot more to write about, in the field of antiques and collectables……and antique hunting adventures here in Muskoka. I might even write a few "Zorro-pointed" political pieces, which would at least, save me grinding my jaw instead. I was told by a local councillor, recently, that I had a Zorro-like articulation, as a political critic. Hey, it probably wasn't meant as a compliment, but I'll take it anyway. And honestly, I've been called a lot worse, like the time another local author, and minister, named a character in his play, "Turd" Currie, apparently in my honor. The audience got quite a chuckle on opening night. As for the published review the next morning, by this author's hand……well sir, I chuckled while I was writing it, but me thinks, the "Turd" got even by the last smoking paragraph. Ah, the joys of being "The Reviewer!"

Range Of Antique and Collectible Finds Makes It Crazy Fun

YOU'VE GOT TO BE A BIT OF A LOON TO LIKE THIS ANTIQUE THING

IT'S THE RANGE OF STUFF THAT MAKES IT CRAZY FUN -

     WHAT I FIND MOST DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN, ABOUT THE ANTIQUE AND COLLECTABLE TRADE, IS THE EXCITEMENT FACTOR. IT IS MOST DEFINITELY AN ADDICTION, AND IT CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, ASSOCIATED WITH GAMBLING, AND OF COURSE HOARDING. I HAVE, ON MANY OCCASIONS, GAMBLED SERIOUSLY ON ANTIQUES. BIG MONEY! BIG RISK! I HAVE, AT TIMES IN MY LIFE, BEEN A TEXTBOOK HOARDER. BUT IN MY FAVOR,  WASN'T COLLECTING OR STORING GARBAGE. I DIDN'T HAVE FIFTY THOUSAND PLASTIC OR PAPER GROCERY BAGS, BUNDLED UP, OR HAVE CLOTHES STACKED TO THE CEILING….THAT I MIGHT WEAR ONE DAY. MY HOARDING INVOLVED THE GOOD STUFF. THE SALABLE ITEMS. THE PIECES THAT ARE NOW FILLING OUR SHOP TO OVERFLOWING. I INVESTED CONSTANTLY BECAUSE THIS WAS MY PROFESSION. SEEING AS WE DIDN'T HAVE A SHOP, FOR SOME OF THIS TIME, I WAS PURCHASING MORE PIECES THAT WE WERE SELLING AT SHOWS AND DURING ONLINE SALES. SO OF COURSE, WE STARTED FILLING UP THE HOUSE. THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW. IN REALITY, AS I'VE NOTED PREVIOUSLY, THIS HAD BEEN THE MISSION SUZANNE AND I HAD BEEN WORKING ON FOR SEVERAL DECADES. TO HAVE A SUBSTANTIAL INVENTORY OF ANTIQUES AND COLLECTABLES, TO FEATHER OUR RETIREMENT. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAS HAPPENED. AS FAR AS GAMBLING, I HAVE NEVER GOT STUCK ON A MAJOR INVESTMENT IN THE ANTIQUE DOMAIN. I MIGHT NOT HAVE MADE A HUGE PROFIT, BUT IT'S NEVER BEEN A CASE, THAT I ACTUALLY LOST MONEY. IF SUZANNE AND I ENJOYED THE COMPANY OF A NICE PAINTING, OR A WONDERFUL JAM CUPBOARD FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS, FOR EXAMPLE, WE COULD THEN TURN AROUND, AND SELL IT, FOR A LITTLE OVER WHAT WE PAID FOR IT…..AS A GENERAL RULE. WE WOULD CONSIDER THIS "HAVING HAD NICE THINGS IN OUR HOME," AT VERY LITTLE COST, EXCEPT A MINOR AMOUNT OF INTEREST. WE'VE ALWAYS HAD A RULE FOR BUYING, AND EVENTUALLY SELLING, AND IT'S ALL ABOUT QUALITY. WE WILL ONLY BUY PIECES WE KNOW ARE HIGH QUALITY, WHETHER IT IS A PAINTING, A PIECE OF VINTAGE GLASS, VINTAGE CLOTHING, HATS, FURNITURE OR RUGS. WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO SELL THEM FOR A PROFIT DOWN THE ROAD, AND EVEN THOUGH IT MAY STAY IN THE SHOP FOR A CONSIDERABLE TIME, QUALITY WILL SHINE THROUGH EVENTUALLY, AND THE SUBJECT PIECE(S) WILL SELL. THEY ALWAYS HAVE. COMPROMISE ON QUALITY, AND PEDIGREE, AND THE RISK OF LOSING GROWS CONSIDERABLY.

     IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS, WE HAVE EXPERIENCED AN INCREDIBLE SURGE IN ACQUISITION, AND THIS IS MIND BLOWING, EVEN TO AN INDUSTRY OLDTIMER. THIS IS THE PART OF THE BUSINESS THAT IS SO DARN EXCITING, BECAUSE EVERY DAY IS LIKE CHRISTMAS. I MEAN THAT. WE HAVE HAD WONDERFUL HUNT AND GATHER ADVENTURES, TURNING UP MANY INTERESTING PIECES, FROM OLD HI-FI UNITS FOR ANDREW'S NEW "MIUSKOKA JAM ROOM," AT THE BACK OF OUR SHOP, TO A SUBSTANTIAL VINTAGE VINYL HAUL, FOR ROBERT. NOT TO MENTION GUITARS. OH, SO MANY GUITARS. PRESSED GLASS, COOKBOOKS BY THE DOZENS, AUTOGRAPHED BIOGRAPHIES SUCH AS A SIGNED COPY BY ANNE MURRAY. LEATHER COWBOY BOOTS….THAT ANDREW SELLS REGULARLY, ON TO A NICE 1960'S HANDCRAFTED DOLL HOUSE, WITH CEDAR SHINGLES THAT NEEDS A LITTLE WORK, AND MARTHA STEWART QUALITY DECORATING. ADD TO THIS, A COUPLE OF BOXES OF EPHEMERA FROM SEVERAL ESTATES, AND A FEW INTERESTING PIECES OF VINTAGE CLOTHING THAT SUZANNE NOW DOESN'T WANT TO SELL. WE DEALERS ALL FORGET OUR MOTTO FROM TIME TO TIME, AND WISH TO KEEP IT ALL, AND OPEN UP A MUSEUM INSTEAD. IT'S THIS INCREDIBLE CONFLUENCE, WHEN ONE DAY, YOU'RE OFFERED A 1971 TABLE-TOP HOCKEY GAME….WHICH MAKES ME CRAZY, AND A 1960 LIONEL TRAIN SET STILL IN ITS ORIGINAL BOX. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A STORE TRAIN FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON, SO WE PLAN ON PURSUING THIS LITTLE GEM. WE'VE SPENT ALL OUR MONEY FOR THE MONTH, BUT THAT'S NEVER COOLED OUR JETS BEFORE. WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO PURCHASE A VICTORIAN ERA PUMP ORGAN FROM A MAJOR MUSKOKA RESORT, AND DOZENS OF OFFERS TO PURCHASE INDIVIDUAL ITEMS, TO JOB-LOTS OF GARAGE PROPORTION. OF COURSE, IT'S A TWO WAY STREET. YOU HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF OF THIS, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BUY UNLESS YOU SELL SOMETHING. AND YOU HAVE TO GUARD SOME PROFIT FOR A RAINY DAY FUND. WHAT SHOULD BE USED FOR RECREATION IS INEVITABLY SPENT WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS US A COLLECTION OF VINTAGE DOLLS, OR A BOX OF HAND-CARVED PIPES. SOMETIMES IT GETS A LITTLE FRUSTRATING, BECAUSE AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR, WHEN THERE ARE LOTS OF SALES TO ATTEND, EACH WEEK, YOU DO NEED TO BE SOMEWHAT CAREFUL BUYING OVER THE COUNTER. BUYING OVER THE COUNTER DOES USUALLY MEAN MORE EXPENSE, THAN IF WE ARE OUT ON THE SALE HUSTINGS, FINDING BARGAINS (SLEEPERS). WE CAN'T DO THIS WHEN WE ARE ASKED TO OFFER AN APPRAISAL, FOR POTENTIAL PURCHASE. I LIKE WHEN CUSTOMERS KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, AND ARE WILLING TO STATE IT FROM THE BEGINNING OF NEGOTIATIONS. I HATE THE DANCE, AND I'M TERRIBLY WORRIED ABOUT HURTING SOMEONE'S FEELINGS, BY TELLING THEM THE TRUTH; THAT THEIR CHERISHED HEIRLOOM PIECE IS A FRAUD, OR BASICALLY WORTHLESS. ON OTHER OCCASIONS, I'M STARING A MAJOR WORKS OF ART, AND I HAVE TO CONFESS THAT OUR SHOP WOULDN'T BE THE BEST PLACE TO SELL SUCH WORK. I HAVE SENT MANY CUSTOMERS TO ART APPRAISERS, GALLERIES AND AUCTION HOUSES.

     THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION IS LIKE A CARNIVAL SETTING UP EVERY DAY, AND YOU'RE NOT ONLY INVITED, YOU'RE THE OWNER / OPERATOR. IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, THE WORK WITH FASCINATE YOU BEYOND ANYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE. IF YOU HAVE A HEART AND SOUL FOR THIS KIND OF WORK, HANDLING PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED ITEMS, THAT HAVE BEEN ASSOCIATED WITH DEATH IN SOME FASHION, AND MULTI-GENERATIONS OF DEMISE, YOU CAN ENTER ALICE'S WONDERLAND TIMES TEN. I HAVE HAD A BALL WITH HIS BUSINESS, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW, FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT, WHAT WILL CROSS THAT SHOP THRESHOLD……OR WHAT YOU MIGHT FIND AT THE FARM AUCTION DOWN THE ROAD, THAT WILL MAKE YOUR SHOP THE BEST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. THERE ARE DAYS WHEN IT'S BORING, AND THE ONLY OTHER OCCUPANT OF THE SHOP IS ONE OF THE ATTACHED GHOSTS, TO ONE OF THE PIECES FOR SALE. YOU MAY HAVE WEEKS OF RATHER BORING CONDITIONS, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE FLOOD GATES OPEN, AND YOU GET OFFERS OF THE MOST AMAZING ANTIQUES AND COLLECTABLES……FROM BEAVER TOP HATS, HUDSON BAY BLANKETS, MEDICAL SKELETONS, COFFINS, VICTORIAN TABLES, CHINA CUPBOARDS, AND WELL, EVEN A "HAMILTON TIGER CAT, GREY CUP SOUVENIR CUP AND SAUCER, FROM THE EARLY 1960'S." HOW ABOUT A MILITARY BATON FROM THE ROYAL MILITARY ACADEMY? A SMALL TOTEM POLE. WOODEN TRUNK FULL OF OLD PAPER? IT CAN GET PRETTY WILD, WHEN YOU'RE ON THE RECEIVING END OF THIS MATERIAL, AND EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS, AND USUALLY OVERLAPPING WITH OTHER MAJOR ACQUISITIONS, YOU WONDER HOW THE HECK YOU'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH IT ALL. JUST CATALOGUING IT CAN MEAN DAYS OF NOTHING ELSE. BUT HAVING A CHANCE TO PLAY MUSEUM CURATOR AT THE SAME TIME……AND TREASURE HUNTER, IS TOO MUCH FUN TO BE CONSIDERED WORK. THIS IS OLD FASHIONED PLAY, AND IT KEEPS ON COMING THE LONGER YOU'RE IN BUSINESS. THE REAL JOY….IS SEEING THAT THESE RESCUED PIECES GO TO CONTENTED PATRONS. IT'S A NICE FEELING TO BE PART OF THIS CONNECTION, AND SINCE WE BEGAN OUR COLLECTIVE OF FAMILY BUSINESSES, WE'VE SENT ANTIQUES AND COLLECTABLES ALL OVER THE WORLD. AND WE'VE KEPT IN TOUCH WITH SOME OF THESE BUYERS, WHO HAVE A LONG AFFECTION FOR OUR LITTLE TOWN. THIS IS PART OF THE BUSINESS I HAVEN'T WRITTEN MUCH ABOUT, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO THE OVERALL FEELING, OF DOING SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT IN HISTORY, OTHER THAN WRITING A BOOK. MANY OF OUR PIECES HAVE PROVENANCE ATTACHED, AND WE PASS THAT ON TO THE NEW BUYERS, WHO SEEM VERY PLEASED TO HAVE THIS INHERENT CONNECTION OF FAMILY HISTORY. AN EXAMPLE OF THIS IS WHEN WE SENT A TABLE-TOP CREAM SEPARATOR TO ONE OF THE NORTHERLY AMERICAN STATES, WITH A WHOLE STORY OF WHERE IT CAME FROM AND HOW A LOCAL FARM FAMILY USED IT FOR FOUR DECADES BEFORE SELLING IT OFF. THE NEW OWNER WAS A "BACK-TO-THE-FARM" YOUNG COUPLE WITH TWO CHILDREN, WHO WERE PLANNING ON USING IT, AS IT HAD BEEN IN GRAVENHURST……ON THE HARVEST TABLE IN THE FARM KITCHEN. I LIKE THAT CONTINUITY. IT WASN'T JUST PURCHASED AS AN INTERESTING FARM RELIC. IT WAS GOING TO BE USED AND ENJOYED. I'M SURE IT PROVED JUST AS EFFICIENT THERE, AS IT WAS IN MUSKOKA.

     I JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE THIS WITH YOU, BECAUSE SOME TIMES I FEEL I NEGLECT TO EXPLAIN, WHAT REALLY COMPELS US TO BE PART OF THIS WHACKY PROFESSION IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT'S A BASIC NEED FOR ADVENTURE AND EXCITEMENT, AND WE GET SO MUCH OF BOTH, THAT IT CAN BE VERY EXHAUSTING. YET WE LOVE TO GET BACK TO WORK BRIGHT AND EARLY THE VERY NEXT DAY.

    ONE LAST NOTE FOR TODAY. A FEW YEARS BACK, WE TEAMED UP WITH THE LOCAL GRAVENHURST RE-STORE, TO REPATRIATE A SAMPLER ORIGINALLY DONE AT A PRIVATE SCHOOL IN ENGLAND, CIRCA THE 1770'S. WE DID THE RESEARCH WORK, AND MADE CONNECTION WITH THE SCHOOL, WHO KEPT AN ARCHIVES OF RETURNED NEEDLEWORK, THEIR STUDENTS HAD DONE OVER THE CENTURIES. THE RE-STORE MANAGEMENT AGREED, AS A GESTURE OF GOODWILL, TO DONATE THE HISTORIC PIECE (THAT HAD BEEN DONATED BY A KIND PATRON TO THEIR STORE), IF AND WHEN WE COULD BROKER A DEAL FOR SAFE PASSAGE ACROSS THE POND. WE DID, AND IT WAS A WONDERFUL FEELING, TO RETURN THIS SCHOOL AND FAMILY HERITAGE, BACK TO ONE OF THE OLDEST PRIVATE SCHOOLS IN ENGLAND. I WAS PLEASED TO GET THE CONFIRMATION, IT HAD ARRIVED IN ONE PIECE. SUZANNE DID THE WRAPPING, AND BY GOLLY, SHE WAS AS NERVOUS AS I'VE EVER SEEN HER. THE PIECE WAS PROBABLY WORTH SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS, SO IT WAS A GENEROUS ACT BY THE HABITAT FOR HUMANITY ORGANIZATION…..A NICE HANDSHAKE BETWEEN TWO COMMONWEALTH NATIONS. THIS IS THE KIND OF REWARD, BEING IN THIS BUSINESS GENERATES ROUTINELY, BUT MOST OFTEN DOESN'T GET MENTIONED. WE'VE DONATED MANY HISTORIC PIECES OURSELVES, INCLUDING A RARE PLAQUE COMMEMORATING THE 122ND MUSKOKA BATTALION, FROM THE FIRST WORLD WAR. WE PURCHASED IT AT AN AUCTION IN GRAVENHURST, AND DONATED IT TO THE MILITARY DISPLAY, AT THE MUSKOKA LAKES MUSEUM IN PORT CARLING. NOW THAT FELT REAL GOOD, AND LOOKED BETTER IN THAT MEMORIAL SHOWCASE.

     THANKS FOR JOINING ME TODAY. I'VE HAD MY HEAD IN CARTONS FULL OF OLD PAPER, FOR MOST OF THE DAY. SO EXCUSE THE FACT I'VE STAYED IN UPPER-CASE FOR THE ENTIRE BLOG. SOMETIMES THIS IS THE SIGN OF BEING TIRED, AT MY STATION, OR EXCITED OUT OF MY SKIN, BY THE WORK WE'VE BEEN UP TO AT THE SHOP. I THINK BOTH APPLY TONIGHT. LOTS MORE TO COME. THIS WILL BE AN INTERESTING SUMMER SEASON. I'M HALF EXPECTING AN EGYPTIAN MUMMY TO SHOW UP HERE. OF COURSE, WE'D MOST DEFINITELY REPATRIATE THAT ACQUISITION…..AS WE WOULD ANYTHING QUALIFYING AS A NATIONAL TREASURE, OR SIGNIFICANT ICON. IT'S THE RIGHT THE THING TO DO.

     SEE YOU AGAIN SOON.

Please visit my other blog at http://muskokaaswaldenpond.blogspot.ca

Gag Collectables Part Two and A Wonderful Life

THE REASON WE DO WHAT WE DO FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND PROFIT

I'VE BEEN HOOKED ON THE ADVENTURE AND THE GREAT OUTDOORS AS MUCH AS THE ANTIQUE HUNT ITSELF

     FIRST OF ALL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN TOTALLY RELIANT ON THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION TO PAY THE BILLS. LIKE MOST OF THE ANTIQUE DEALERS OUT THERE, IT IS USUALLY A FILL-IN ENTERPRISE, WITH A LOT OF RETIREES AMONGST THE GROUP. IT'S NOT TO SAY THERE AREN'T DEALERS WHO RELY ON THE SUCCESS OF THEIR TRADE TO PAY THE MORTGAGE, AND DAY BY DAY SURVIVAL, BUT IN THE RURAL CLIMES OF NORTH AMERICA, THERE ARE PLENTY OF PART-TIME DEALERS, WHO FIND THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS FUN AND MODERATELY PROFITABLE. I CAN'T SAY A DARN THING ABOUT CITY SHOPS AROUND THE WORLD, BECAUSE I DON'T GO TO THE CITY THAT OFTEN TO CHECK THEM OUT. BUT IT IS AWFULLY DIFFICULT, ESPECIALLY HERE IN MUSKOKA, A TOURIST ECONOMY, TO MAKE IT A FULL-TIME COMMITMENT. SUZANNE AND I ARE GOING TO GIVE IT A TRY, (WHY NOT) BECAUSE SHE'S RETIRING FROM TEACHING AT THE END OF JUNE, AND WITH ONLY MY FREELANCE WRITING GIGS, IT COULD GET A LITTLE TIGHT IF WE DON'T PLAY THIS PROFESSION PROPERLY. AS I'VE ALSO MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY, WE BEGAN PLANNING FOR OUR RETIREMENT WITH ANTIQUES, AND COLLECTABLES, BACK IN THE LATE 1980'S, WHEN WE OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED BIRCH HOLLOW ANTIQUES. IT'S TAKEN THIS LONG TO GET IT RIGHT. THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION IS ALWAYS LIKE RIDING A PORCUPINE UP AND DOWN A HILLSIDE. WE'LL SEE HOW FAR WE CAN RIDE THE BEAST. WE'VE GOT A SAFETY NET, WHICH MAY REQUIRE ME TO WRITE ROMANCE NOVELS…..OR SOMETHING A LITTLE  MORE RISQUE. I'M A WORDSMITH. I CAN DO THIS! SO WE'RE BOTH HOPING THAT ALL THE PLANNING, AND ADVANCE BUYING, AND TRACK RECORD IN THE PROFESSION, WILL GIVE US A WEE ADVANTAGE. AND WHEN I TALK ABOUT LOW PRICING, AND MY COMMITMENT TO FAIR MARK-UPS, I'M NOT KIDDING. WE HAVE TO BE HIGHLY COMPETITIVE NOW, BECAUSE THIS IS IT…….ONE OF THE LAST NOTES ON THE OLD BUCKET LIST. "ENJOY THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS." TO ENJOY IT, HOWEVER, INEVITABLY FALLS BACK ON THE WORDS "SUCCESS," AND "PROFIT," AND WE DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF AN ANTIQUE MALL. WE LIKE THIS VENUE WE'RE IN, WITH OUR LADS, IN THE FORMER THEATRE BUILDING ON MUSKOKA ROAD. THIS IS OUR DREAM RETIREMENT JOB. IF WE BLOW IT? WE'LL BE BUSKERING OUTSIDE THE BUILDING. I CAN SING, AND SUZANNE CAN PLAY THE AUTOHARP. TO HEAR A COUPLE OF NEAR-SENIOR CITIZENS PERFORMING? GOT TO BE WORTH A LOONIE, AT LEAST. I'D BE FLATTERED WITH FIFTY CENTS. THEY TELL ME A SING LIKE GEORGE FORBY! 

     IN THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS, I'VE HAD A NUMBER OF ETHICAL, PHILOSOPHICAL, AND BUSINESS DISCUSSIONS WITH MY CONTEMPORARIES IN THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION. SOMETIMES THEY BORDER ON WHAT COULD BE DESCRIBED AS "ARGUMENTS," BUT I WANT TO CALL THEM PROFESSIONAL DISAGREEMENTS; MISALIGNED PERSPECTIVES, AND SIMPLY, DIFFERENCES OF OPINION ON THE MATTER OF WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO! THE ANTIQUE HUNT! IT'S A PROFESSION THAT YOU HAVE TO MARRY, AND THE DIVORCE IS USUALLY DEATH. WE OFTEN STICK WITH OUR PASSION FOR HISTORY, RIGHT TO THE END. I HOPE IT WILL BE QUICK AND PAIN-FREE, AND NOT THE RESULT OF A PINE CUPBOARD CRUSHING ME BENEATH.  

     I PITY THOSE IN THE PROFESSION, WHO DO IT FOR MONEY ALONE. I KNOW MORE THAN A FEW ASSOCIATES, WHO ONLY FIND THEIR INSPIRATION, IN THE RETURN THEY GET FROM SELLING THEIR ANTIQUE AND COLLECTABLE FINDS. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL, ESPECIALLY WHEN I TALK OR WRITE ABOUT THE TRADITIONS OF THE PROFESSION, DATING BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE BUY AND SELL, OF USED ITEMS, BEFORE CHRIST. THEY DON'T GET ME WHEN I REFER TO THE SPIRITUAL, INSPIRATIONAL, EMOTIONAL SIDE OF COLLECTING. THEY DO IT FOR THE RUSH OF MAKING A BIG, BIG FIND, AND PROFITING FROM THEIR SUCCESS. I DON'T BEGRUDGE THEM FOR FEELING THIS WAY, AND I'VE NEVER TRIED TO CONVINCE THEM OTHERWISE. I MIGHT FEEL SOMEWHAT SORRY FOR THEM, BECAUSE I DO VERY MUCH BELIEVE THEY ARE MISSING SOMETHING FAR MORE IMPORTANT ABOUT OUR PROFESSION, THAN JUST PROFIT TAKING. IT'S NICE BUT NOT VERY FULFILLING. THE FUN FOR ME, FROM CHILDHOOD ADVENTURES OF SEEK AND DISCOVER, HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONNECTED WITH THE OUTDOOR EXPERIENCE. FIRST IN THE VALLEY OF RAMBLE CREEK, IN BURLINGTON, AND ON EVERY WALK TO AND FROM SCHOOL I EVER TOOK, ON TO THIS POINT IN HISTORY, WHERE I ENJOY EVERY MILE TRAVELLED IN QUEST OF THE VERY NEXT CURIOUS VENUE, YARD SALE, OR AUCTION. I'M NOT THE MODEL ANTIQUE DEALER, AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A VERY MODEST PERSPECTIVE OF HOW I RATE AMONGST MY COMPETITORS. I JUST KNOW THAT MY INTEREST AS A DEALER, WOULD DIMINISH DRASTICALLY, IF EVERYTHING CAME DOWN TO HUSTLING FOR A BUCK……EVERY DAY BEING THE SAME AS THE ONE BEFORE. I LIKE THE SHOP SETTING, AND THE FOLKS WHO ENTER INTO OUR LITTLE HISTORIC WORLD. I'M AFRAID IT WOULD BE MY UNDOING, TO BE IN IT FOR THE MONEY ALONE, BECAUSE THERE SO MUCH MORE TO THIS HUNT AND GATHER GAME, THAN SPECULATION. MAYBE IT HAS TO DO WITH THE FACT, THAT SUZANNE AND I BUY WHAT WE LIKE AND NOT JUST SOMETHING WE BELIEVE CAN TURN A QUICK PROFIT. IT PROBABLY IS OUR FAILING BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY WE HAVE BEEN RUNNING OUR BUSINESS SINCE THE BEGINNING. AND EVEN THOUGH I COULD MAKE A LOT OF MONEY WRITING PORNOGRAPHY, WELL SIR, I WOULDN'T STOOP SO LOW. I'D RATHER BUSKER FOR QUARTERS.

     AS I'VE MENTIONED MANY TIMES IN THESE BLOGS, MY TRUE DISCOVERY OF HOW MUCH ANTIQUE HUNTING HAS MEANT TO ME, OVER OUR DECADES OF FRIENDLY ASSOCIATION, CAME WHEN I WAS WORKING FOR SOME FOLKS I DIDN'T LIKE, IN THE NEWSPAPER BUSINESS. I LIKED THE BUSINESS, BUT I DISLIKED MANAGEMENT INTENSELY. I CAN REMEMBER SUZANNE TAPPING ME ON THE SHOULDER ONE AFTERNOON, WHEN I HAD STOPPED MOWING THE LAWN FOR A MOMENT, TO WIPE THE SWEAT OUT OF MY EYES. "TED, PLEASE STOP MOWING THE LAWN," SHE YELLED OVER THE SPUTTER OF THE ENGINE. "YOU'RE KILLING THE GRASS. YOU CAN'T MOW IT EVERY DAY." I LOOKED BACK AT HER, THEN OUT ON THE GRASS I'D JUST CUT AGAIN, AND COULD SEE THAT IT WAS MOSTLY DIRT WITH A FEW SHORT GREEN STALKS POKING UP. IT WAS NOW SHORTER GRASS THAN ON A PUTTING GREEN. I TURNED OFF THE ENGINE, AND SHE PULLED ME OVER TO A TABLE ON THE PATIO FOR A GLASS OF LEMONADE. "YOU'RE TAKING OUT YOUR ANGER ABOUT WORK, ON THIS POOR BEDRAGGLED BACKYARD," SHE SAID. "BY THE LOOKS OF IT, YOU MUST BE PRETTY MAD." I FIGURED MOWING THE LAWN WAS BETTER THAN DRINKING HEAVILY, WHICH I DID BEFORE I WAS MARRIED. 

     SUZANNE HAS BEEN MY WRITING MANAGER SINCE WE GOT HITCHED, AND I VALUE HER ADVICE. I SNORT AND COMPLAIN A LOT, WHEN SHE MAKES CERTAIN SUGGESTIONS; BUT MORE SO ON ACCOUNT OF EGO, THAT I DIDN'T THINK OF IT FIRST. SHE STARTED TO EXPLAIN, THAT I WAS CUTTING THE GRASS AS A MEANS OF VENTING MY FRUSTRATION WITH NEWSPAPER WORK. I DISAGREED AT ONCE, AND SAID IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GRASS, MOWERS, OR THE FACT MY HAIR WAS FALLING OUT IN CLUMPS. BUT I KNEW THAT WHAT SHE WAS SAYING ABOUT MY EMPLOYERS WAS ACCURATE…..AFTER A FEW LIP-LOOSENING SIPS OF HER MAGNIFICENT HOMEMADE LEMONADE. SUZANNE KNEW ME TOO WELL. SHE HAD SEEN THIS BUILDING FOR MORE THAN A YEAR, AND IT WAS AFFECTING OUR MARRIAGE. SO WHEN I GOT IRRITATED AT WORK, I'D JUST ARRIVE HOME, AND WELL…., CUT THE GRASS AGAIN. SOMETIMES SIX TIMES A WEEK! SO I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO LISTEN TO WHAT THE GOOD WOMAN WAS TELLING ME ABOUT "MYSELF," THAT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT. I LOVE TO WRITE, BUT I WANT TO WRITE FOR PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE MY CAPABILITIES. INSTEAD, I WAS MICRO-MANAGED, AS A STAFFER, AND I FELT LIKE I HAD TWO HEADS ON MY SHOULDERS, WHEN I WAS SITTING AT THE TYPEWRITER. ONE HAD BAD BREATH, AND THAT WAS MINE. THE OTHER WAS AN INTERLOPER. AN UNDESIRABLE! I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO ORDER MANAGEMENT STAFF TO CEASE AND DESIST WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER, AS I PUT TOGETHER THE FINAL EDITORIALS. I DID KEEP A FLASK OF WHISKY IN MY DESK, AND IT SAVED THE LIVES OF THOSE WHO CROWDED MY WORK SPACE. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WASN'T ENJOYING MY JOB AS I SHOULD HAVE….BEING YOUNG, WITH A LOT OF JOB OFFERS. BUT THE OTHERS JOBS WERE THE SAME, AND I VOWED THAT NO PUBLISHER WOULD EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRITE AN EDITORIAL. I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION. SO I HAD TO MAKE MYSELF THE BOSS. SUZANNE IS NOW THE BOSS OF HER OWN BUSINESS……KNOWN AS THE "COOKERY NOOKERY." (OPENING JULY IST)

     FROM THIS POINT, I BEGAN TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE ABOUT WORK AND PLEASURE. I WAS ABLE TO SHIFT MY JOB FROM EDITOR, TO FEATURE EDITOR, SPECIFICALLY WORKING AS A WRITER FOR ROBERT BOYER, AND THE MUSKOKA SUN, WHICH ALLOWED ME TO WORK COMFORTABLY AT HOME…….AND YES, WHILE LOOKING AFTER OUR YOUNG SON, ANDREW. I SOON REMOVED MYSELF FROM THE DOMINION STREET OFFICE, IN BRACEBRIDGE, AND FOUND MYSELF WORKING MORE, AND PRODUCING BETTER COPY, JUST DOWN THE ROAD ON ONTARIO STREET, BELOW THE HIGH SCHOOL WHERE SUZANNE WORKED. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE PRODUCTIVITY CHANGE, AND THE QUALITY WAS MUCH BETTER THAN IT HAD BEEN FOR THE SEVEN YEARS PREVIOUS. I WANTED TO WRITE. I ALSO WANTED TO GET OUT AND ATTEND AUCTIONS AND FLEA MARKETS; YARD AND CHURCH SALES, AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT OFFERED A LOW-KEY ANTIQUE COLLECTOR / DEALER SOME OPPORTUNITIES FOR PERSONAL ADVANCEMENT. BEST OF ALL, IT WAS RELAXING. I CAN'T REALLY EXPLAIN IT, OTHER THAN TO SAY IT GAVE ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO PUT MY SKILLS TO WORK, AS AN ANTIQUE HUNTER, AND IF I WAS AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT I WAS…..WELL THEN, I WOULD GET SOME REALLY BIG FINDS. I DID OKAY. I DIDN'T MAKE A MILLION BUCKS, BUT I DIDN'T LOSE A MILLION EITHER, AND ALL THE BILLS WERE PAID; AND EVENTUALLY, ALL THE ITEMS I PURCHASED WERE SOLD-OFF. IT WAS A SUBSISTENCE KIND OF DEAL, BUT THE FACT THAT IT ABSORBED STRESS LIKE A THICK SPONGE, WAS PERFECT FOR FREE WEEKENDS WHEN I NEEDED TO UNWIND. THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD FRIEND. I'M HOPING OUR RELATIONSHIP OF GIVE AND TAKE WILL CONTINUE WHEN I NEED ITS FRIENDSHIP MOST.

     AT THE SAME TIME AS THE NEWSPAPER BUSINESS WAS GETTING ON MY NERVES, MOSTLY DUE TO MANAGEMENT ISSUES, I WOULD TREAT MY ANTIQUE ASPIRATIONS MUCH LIKE CUTTING THE LAWN. ATTENDING ANTIQUE SALES AND SHOWS, AND HUSTLING ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR INTERESTING FINDS, WAS GOOD AND NEEDED THERAPY, BUT IT WASN'T AS ENJOYABLE AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN…..AND THAT BOTHERED ME A LOT. I ENJOYED CUTTING THE LAWN TOO, UNTIL I BEGAN USING IT AS A STRESS RELIEVER. THEN IT JUST GOT STUPID. EVEN IN THE ANTIQUE TRADE, I MADE SOME OF MY DUMBEST BUYS, DURING THIS PERIOD, BECAUSE MY HEAD WASN'T "IN THE GAME" SO TO SPEAK. I WAS THERE, IN BODY, BUT I JUST COULDN'T RELAX OR CONCENTRATE, AND THAT'S ABOUT NINE TENTHS OF THE BUSINESS OF ANTIQUE HUNTING. THERE ISN'T A LOT OF ROOM FOR ERROR, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE BIDDING AT AN AUCTION. WHILE I WAS COMPETING FOR PIECES, I WAS THINKING HOW CRAPPY IT WAS WORKING FOR UNAPPRECIATIVE BOSSES, WHO WERE ANYTHING BUT INSPIRING. THEN I'D FIND OUT I PURCHASED SEVEN MUSTY SUITCASES FOR FIFTY BUCKS, WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS BIDDING ON THE PRESSED GLASS COMPOTE, ONE OF THE HELPERS WAS HOLDING TO THE SIDE. (I GOT A NICE ONE YESTERDAY, BY THE WAY, AT A CHARITY SHOP, AND I WAS THRILLED TO PAY THE ASKING PRICE OF ONLY TWENTY-FIVE BUCKS). POINT IS, I WAS TREATING THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION DISRESPECTFULLY, AND THEN, MOSTLY FOR PROFIT. IT BECAME KIND OF A HOLLOW EXPERIENCE. SUZANNE SAYS I WAS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. I KNOW I WAS USING BOOZE THEN, AS A NUMBING AGENT, SO SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE IN OUR YOUNG MARRIAGE, AND THE SHIFT TO FEATURE WRITING FROM HOME, AND THE WHOLE "MR. MOM" EXPERIENCE WITH BOTH OUR BOYS, KEPT ME OUT OF THE CYCLE OF FUNK I'D BEEN IN FOR YEARS.

     AS A FEATURE WRITER, FOR THE MUSKOKA SUN, I WROTE ABOUT EVERY ANTIQUE OUTING, EVERY AUCTION, EACH ANTIQUE SHOP I VISITED, AND OVER TIME, IT BECAME CLEAR TO ME, THAT THE ETHEREAL ASPECTS OF TRAVELING THROUGH THE DISTRICT COUNTRYSIDE, WAS MORE THAN JUST A LITTLE CONTENTING. EXHILARATING COMES TO MIND. IT WAS BECOMING A HUGE PART OF THE ANTIQUE ADVENTURE, THAT I COULDN'T SEPARATE FROM THE PROFESSION ITSELF. I WAS BEING MOTIVATED BY THE CLIMATE. THE LANDSCAPE. MY PRIME ANTIQUE HUNTING SEASON CAME IN LATE AUGUST, RIGHT THROUGH UNTIL JUST AFTER THANKSGIVING. I WAS HUGELY INSPIRED THIS TIME OF THE YEAR, BY THE MATURITY OF THE SUMMER SEASON, AND THE COMMENCEMENT OF THE "HARVEST" TIME OF THE YEAR. I GOT SUCKED INTO ALL THOSE "IDEALS" PUBLICATIONS, HIGHLIGHTING THE NOSTALGIA OF THE SEASONS, ESPECIALLY THANKSGIVING. IF SUZANNE HAD WANTED TO SHOW ME THE PROOF OF THIS, I'M SURE SHE COULD HAVE DUG UP THE STATS FROM HER ACCOUNTING BOOKS, TO SHOW THAT I WAS SPENDING WAY MORE IN THE AUTUMN SEASON, THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME OF THE YEAR. IT DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T TRAVEL WIDELY OVER THE FOUR SEASONS, JUST THAT I WAS MORE INSPIRED DURING THE LATE SUMMER AND EARLY FALL, TO TRAVEL A LITTLE FURTHER POSSIBLY…..AND SHOP A LITTLE MORE AGGRESSIVELY. AND I MADE COPIOUS NOTES OF OUR TRIPS, AND IT WAS PERFECT FOR MR. BOYER AT THE MUSKOKA SUN, WHO NEEDED REGIONAL COPY, AND LOTS OF IT EACH WEEK, IN OUR PUBLISHING SEASON. I WENT FROM BEING A WORN OUT NEWS EDITOR, WORKING UNDER THE THUMBS OF MANAGEMENT, TO HAVING THIS HUGE EDITORIAL FREEDOM OFFERED TO ME, BY MR. BOYER, AND IT WAS A TREAT FOR THE SENSES. IT IS FACT, AND I'M PROUD OF THIS, THAT I PRODUCED TWICE AS MUCH COPY, WHILE WORKING AT HOME, AS I EVER WOULD HAVE DONE, STUCK IN A NEWS ROOM CUBICLE, HAVING TO PARTICIPATE IN STUPID-ASS MEETINGS THREE TIMES EACH WEEK. WE HAD MEETINGS TO DISCUSS HAVING MEETINGS. "BUSY WORK" AS MY MOTHER MERLE WOULD SAY. "ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING, EXCEPT WASTING TIME."

     WHILE THIS DOESN'T REALLY ENCIRCLE THE PRECISE TIME, NATURE AND COLLECTING BECAME IMPORTANT TO ME, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN LIFE-LONG (OF THAT I'M SURE), BUT IT DID MAKE ME THINK MORE ABOUT HOW MY ANTIQUE INTERESTS AND WRITING, WORKED SO MUCH BETTER, WHEN I ALLOWED MYSELF THE PRIVILEGE OF TIME; TO ACTUALLY RECOGNIZE THE ROLE THE LANDSCAPE WAS PLAYING IN EVERY OUTING. I WAS A HAPPIER WRITER, AND A MORE FOCUSED COLLECTOR. WE STOPPED TO HAVE PICNICS ALL OVER THE PLACE, IN THIS HUGE, AND BEAUTIFUL REGION. INSTEAD OF PASSING THESE AMAZING PLACES, AND LOOK-OUTS, AS SEEN THROUGH A CAR WINDSHIELD, WE WERE STOPPING TO SEE IT ALL, UP CLOSE. IT BECAME THAT IMPORTANT, AND WE KNEW IT WAS CHANGING OUR WHOLE APPRECIATION FOR MUSKOKA, AND MY TWO PROFESSIONS. I WAS ENTHRALLED TO KNOW I HAD MADE THIS KIND OF PROGRESS, AND MY READERSHIP BEGAN TO CLIMB WITH MUSKOKA PUBLICATIONS. IT WOULD SOON LEAD INTO MORE RESEARCH PROJECTS, PIGGY-BACKING THE ANTIQUE ADVENTURES, AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW I BEGAN WORKING ON THE MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF CANADIAN ARTIST TOM THOMSON. IT LED US ALL THE WAY TO ALGONQUIN PARK, AND CANOE LAKE, WHERE WE USED TO PADDLE TO THE PLACE TOM LIVED, BACK IN 1917, SHORTLY BEFORE HIS ALLEGED ACCIDENTAL DROWNING. WE ALL BECAME SO ENTHRALLED WITH THE STORY, WE GOT HOOKED ON ALGONQUIN AT THE SAME TIME, AND BECAME REGULAR CAMPERS. WE USED TO HIT EVERY ANTIQUE AND COLLECTABLE VENUE FROM GRAVENHURST TO THE EAST SIDE OF THE PARK GATES……AND WE DID THE SAME WAY ON THE WAY HOME. IT BECAME A FAMILY TRADITION. IT STILL IS. THAT WONDERFUL MIX OF RECREATION AND PROFITABLE BUSINESS, ENJOYING EVERYTHING THAT NATURE HAS TO OFFER ALONG THE WAY…..AND COLLECTING HERITAGE PIECES FOR OUR CUSTOMERS…..WHO I THINK APPRECIATE THE DISTANCE WE ARE WILLING TO TRAVEL, TO FILL THEIR WANT LISTS.

     THIS IS THE WAY WE LIVE WITH THE ANTIQUE TRADE TODAY. MAYBE WE'RE NEVER GOING TO BE BIG-SHOTS IN THE PROFESSION, BUT BY GOLLY, WE'RE GOING TO BE HAPPY TO GO TO WORK….AND ISN'T THAT ONE OF LIFE'S GREAT HURDLES TO CLEAR? AH, THE THRILL OF WORKING BECAUSE IT'S SO DARN INTERESTING. WELCOME TO OUR WORLD OF ANTIQUES AND COLLECTABLES. THERE'S ROOM FOR EVERYONE. THINK ABOUT IT!

WHERE WOULD I HAVE BEEN ON A SUNNY LATE-SPRING AFTERNOON IN 1968?

SITTING ON THE STOOP OF THE CORNER STORE - WITH A BOX OF LUCKY ELEPHANT, AND A COLD BOTTLE OF COKE!

AS I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT BEFORE, VIA THIS BLOG, I WAS A VERY FORTUNATE KID BY GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION IN THE TOWN OF BRACEBRIDGE. WE LIVED ON THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE WEBER APARTMENTS, AT 129 ALICE STREET. ONE BLOCK OVER WERE THOSE MAGNIFICENT, ALLURING CORNER STORES ON TORONTO STREET. BAMFORD'S STORE WAS RUN BY FRED AND MARY BAMFORD. ON THE OPPOSITE CORNER

WAS LIL & CEC'S, WHICH WAS FORMERLY BLACK'S VARIETY. LATER IT BECAME FRASER'S VARIETY. THE HUNT'S HILL KIDS GOT THEIR CENT CANDY AND COLD BOTTLED POP FROM LIL & CEC'S, AND WE USUALLY GOT OUR ICE CREAM TREATS AND COMICS FROM BAMFORDS. OF COURSE BOTH STORES SOLD CRACKER JACKS AND LUCKY ELEPHANT, BUT WE'D SPLIT IT UP FROM WEEK TO WEEK. ACTUALLY LIL & CEC'S IS STILL OPERATING AS A CORNER STORE. ON A NICE WARM LATE-WINTER DAY LIKE THIS, WE'D MOST CERTAINLY HAVE WOUND UP ON THE STEPS, OF ONE STORE, OR ANOTHER, HAVING A COLD…..REAL COLD BOTTLE OF POP…….COCA COLA WAS MY ALIXIR, WHILE MOST OF MY MATES PREFERRED MOUNTAIN DEW. BOTH STORES HAD THE LOW COOLERS WITH THE ICE-WATER AND METAL TRACKS, THAT YOU HAD TO NAVIGATE, WITH YOUR HANDS IMMERSED IN THE COLD WATER. I LOVED THIS WHEN IT WAS A HUNDRED DEGREES OUTSIDE. THEY USED TO HAVE TO TELL ME IT WAS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE POP WATER.

BY TIME WE'D HIT THE CORNER STORE FOR REFRESHMENTS, YOU CAN BET THE LADS HAD ENJOYED MANY LOCAL ADVENTURES. SURE AS HELL WE'D HAVE TAKEN THE TRAIN STATION LUGGAGE CART FOR A RIDE ON THE RAMP…..SPENT A LITTLE QUALITY TIME SITTING IN THE LOBBY OF THE STATION, WAITING FOR OUR TRAIN TO COME IN, HAVE THROWN SOME PENNIES ON THE TRACK TO FLATTEN THEM (YES I KNOW THIS IS WRONG), AND MOST LIKELY WE HAD VISITED BILL ELLIOT'S FIVE AND DIME STORE, AND POSSIBLY STOPPED IN TO SEE IF LORNE SHIER, AT BB AUTO HAD ANY BICYCLE TIRE TUBES TO FIT OUR RIMS. MAYBE WE HAD STOPPED AT BASS ROCK TO THROW STONES AT THE LONG-ROBED BROTHERS OF THE SOCIETY OF SAINT JOHN THE EVANGELIST, WHO USED TO COME DOWN TO THE MUSKOKA RIVER, ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE, AND READ IN THE SUN. SO WE THREW ROCKS AT THEM. I WASN'T A NICE KID. WE NEVER ACTUALLY HIT ONE, BUT WE USED TO LIKE KEEPING THEM ON THE RUN. I THINK THEY THOUGHT THERE WERE SNIPERS HIDING IN THE BUSHES. IT IS KNOWN THAT THE FACILITY WAS HOME TO DRAFT DODGERS FROM THE UNITED STATES AND SUNDRY OTHER HIPPY TRAVELLERS. THIS IS WHAT OUR PARENTS WERE TALKING ABOUT, WHEN THEY PLAYED EUCHRE IN OUR KITCHEN ON SATURDAY NIGHTS. I NEVER REALLY KNEW WHAT THEY MEANT BY DRAFT DODGERS…..I THOUGHT IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH WINDOWS FITTING POORLY.

Actually, what I wanted to write about today, is the increasing prevalence of novelty-ware out on the antique hunt these days. I don't think I have ever seen this much 1960 era souvenir, oddball, novelty stuff appearing in such large quantities, in local second hand and thrift shops. Bamfords was the place to buy these items back in the 1960's and 70's. Not so much at Lil & Cec's, because it was more milk, food, pop, treats, and cigarettes, than actual merchandise. They had some but not in the same quantity that Mary and Fred jammed into the small store, where every inch of wall and ceiling space was loaded with merchandise. Even Charles Dickens would have gasped, his chin hitting his chest, to see the circus inside that tiny, multi room corner store…..run by two eccentric folks who liked clutter. I wish I'd had the good sense to get a picture of the place, because it was a landmark for neighborhood shopping. It was a time warp environs from the 1930's to 70's, and I think some of the canned food items were that old as well. They could have been sold over the counter to advertising nostalgia collectors. I don't believe there were "best before" dates on these cans. I think the labels were actually done by the Group of Seven artists, who, by the way, made their living before selling landscape paintings, working for graphic arts companies in Toronto.

As the small acreage, which wasn't more than a block wide and deep, had 1930's vintage guest cottages, that they rented by the week and month. It was the craziest situation for me, a transplanted city kid, looking out onto this strange rural - urban mix of land-use. We were living a town life, in an urban neighborhood, without any waterway abutting, or sandy beach, and here was this campground set-up, tourists having bonfires late into summer evenings. We'd horn our way in with a bag of marshmallows to toast. Even in the 1960's, it seemed so out of place. But we made more friends, of the kids that came to stay at what was called Woodley Park. So the Bamfords stocked their corner store for the summer guests as well as the neighborhood's small grocery needs. But you could buy a ball glove or a cheerleader's baton, souvenir back-scratchers, fireworks, shovels and pails for the toddlers, and lots and lots of bagged charcoal. But what I always found so amazing, was the selection of novelty mugs, plaques, decals, pennants, risque novelty items for the outhouse, every kind of crass, rude, hunt-camp joke glass, ash-trays, bottle openers, coffee mugs with breasts, plastic boys who peed when you gave them the right encouragement, you name it…..and we loved this stuff.

Every time we entered that wonderful museum of weird souvenir inventory, we hand to fondle it all. Mary used to watch us very closely, but she knew we wouldn't steal anything. All our parents shopped there. My mother Merle actually worked there for a time. I guess the folks who stayed in those old cabins, must have really liked these novelty items, because I don't think many from our neighborhood, would have found these curiosities house-worthy decorator objects. I think I bought my dad a mug with a hole in the side, that was supposed to be a joke, except when drinking hot coffee.

I just picked up a vintage sales catalogue that took me back to those days, standing in Bamfords with our mouths hanging open, as Fred hung more novelty items from hooks in the ceiling. Just having a quick glance through the catalogue, I couldn't believe how many of these items I've seen recently, on the shelves of local thrift, and second hand shops, between Bracebridge and Orillia. I'm not sure why it's all appearing now, but it is…..and I'm just not sure if this is going to qualify as nostalgia for those who are period collectors. The small format, staple bound booklet, is from Roy Sales, of Box 55, Winnipeg, Manitoba, and from the looks of the merchandise within, it must be from the mid 1960's, to the mid 1970's. The mail order company offered big deals on magic-tricks, toys, disguises, cards, party favors, books, jewelry, puzzles, drug sundries, novelties and articles described as "fun." The first part of the catalogue is devoted to enhancing the pleasure of adults, with a substantial selection of prophylactics, right beside the big deals on Old Fashioned Beer Steins, and the ever popular Whistling Beer Mug. The first nine pages are devoted to adult pleasures, with ample diversification depending on your acrobatic requirements. Some were triple strength, and may or may not have glowed in the dark. Then it was the "Ladies and Gents' Ring values section……because after the fun of the first nine pages, and the beer you had in those steins, you really should shop for high quality rings at incredible discount prices. Swiss made watches for $6.50. How about a camera by Imperial, or a Bronze Horse and Rider, Men's Pin-up Billfold, poker chips, nudie playing cards, exquisite hand-carved bark pictures (I've got one of those). How about a comic Bartender Whisky Set? Or a Comic Ash Tray of a dog urinating on a fire hydrant? How about a fifty cent socket wrench, or novelty liquor cups? Certainly you wouldn't want to miss out on the Comic Ash Trays, like the Smoky Poky….that allows you to put a lit cigarette in the woman's mouth and smoke will come out here eye. Nice. Well, not really. I saw so much of this gag nostalgia in the comfortable but crazy quarters of Bamford's Store. Now I realized just how much I adored that place on the corner of my childhood. That place has influenced me in so many ways…..because nostalgia is still one of my big collecting interests. I'm just not sure what the market value of leftover itching powder and sneezing powder…..or novelty elephant pins? I guess I need to do some homework.

As for the real novelty items, like Rat Perfume Box (rat leaps out when top removed), Can-Can Girl decals, Pop-Out Snake Tulip, Realistic Cat-Cry container, rubber eggs (can't get enough of them), Naughty Chewing Gum that turns your teeth black…..does anyone collect these? How about the toilet bowl pipe for the smoker, made of wood too? Or the whoopee cushion? Harem girl key-chain, where the scantily clad woman is caged in a plastic rocket, where she performs when the item is moved? You can order the Lord's Prayer Telescope, Tom Thumb Miniature Playing Cards, Invisible Ink, compass ring, novelty shooting ball pen, and a pop-up tie. Come on, you gotta have "toilet water perfume" in in a replica toilet container. Here's a gem worth some money. A Coca Cola Lighter for seventy-five cents. If that doesn't turn your crank, how about a Jivaro Shrunken Head - authentic and life-like? If you're into the more dramatic nostalgia, you could have ordered "Wee Wee Willie," which was apparently a "deluge of laughter? A flood of fun. The cutest guy - fill with water. See him in action. Pee a river." A Break-A-Part Glass? Half-a-cup for your coffee? Or for your neighbor….an "auto prankster exhaust whistle," which produced a high pitch whistle to cause the driver to keep stopping to find out what's wrong.

This is a great little book, and perfect for accompanying me out on the antique hustings…..because I've got to find some of this gag stuff, as I'm the worse kind of practical joker. We'll re-visit this topic tomorrow, so I can share more pages of this fabulous catalogue.

Thanks for joining me. More fun and laughs to come!

Please visit my other blog at http://muskokaaswaldenpond.blogspot.ca

The Perfect Environment For Antique Hunting - Is Every Day

THE DAY OF DAYS TO BE HUSTLING ANTIQUES - IN THE SUN, IN AN AMAZING REGION OF ONTARIO

     AS I'VE STRESSED ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES IN THIS SERIES OF BLOGS, ON ANTIQUE HUNTING, THE ENVIRONMENT FOR ME, HAS ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE DRAW IN THE WHOLE ENTERPRISE. IT'S NEVER BEEN A CASE THAT IT WASN'T A MOTIVATING FACTOR, AND IN MANY CASES, IT WAS THE PREVAILING WEATHER THAT MAY HAVE INSPIRED US TO DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER ALONG, AND POTENTIALLY COME UPON ANOTHER ROADSIDE ANTIQUE SHOP, A FLEA MARKET, OR ESTATE SALE…..TO MAKE THAT LAST GREAT FIND OF THE DAY. IN THE EARLY YEARS, MOST OF MY HUNTING AND GATHERING WAS DONE OUTDOORS, AS AN AVID BOTTLE DIGGER, AND HOMESTEAD SCROUNGER. WHEN SUZANNE AND I MARRIED, I WAS A HUNTER-GATHERER OF OLD STUFF, FROM OUR MANY CANOE PADDLES AROUND THE SHORELINE OF LAKE ROSSEAU, AT WINDERMERE, BECAUSE FOR DECADES, CITIZEN CREATED REFUSE WAS DUMPED FROM BOATS INTO THE LAKES…..ON PURPOSE. BOTTLES WERE TOSSED OFF THE END OF DOCKS, AND ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING RELICS, DISPOSED OF IN THIS FASHION, AND THEY ALL ARE EVENTUALLY WASHED TO SHORE. THAT'S WHERE SUZANNE AND I WOULD FIND THEM, IN THE SANDY SHALLOWS, AND THEY COULD REPRESENT EVERYTHING FROM OLD SHELL OIL BOTTLES, TORPEDO SHAPED BOTTLES (POINTED AND ROUNDED BOTTOMS), MEDICINAL BOTTLES, AND LOTS OF POP BOTTLES DATING BACK THROUGH THE CENTURIES. WE WOULD FIND CROCKERY GINGER BEER BOTTLES AND ALL KINDS OF VINEGAR CROCKS. IT WAS SO AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL OUT IN THE MUSKOKA LAKELAND, FROM SPRING BREAK-UP, UNTIL LATE AUTUMN. WE'D HAUL OUR FINDS UP TO THE COTTAGE PORCH, AND GET PAILS OF SOAPY WATER FOR THE EXTENSIVE CLEANING TASK. SO THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE OF SEARCHING FOR BURIED AND SUNKEN RELICS, LIKE HERITAGE GLASS, WAS CONNECTED TO THE WEATHER….AND NOT JUST THOSE PERFECT, SUNNY, WARM DAYS…..BUT COUNTRY DAYS WITH ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING CHARACTERISTICS, THAT MADE US WANT TO TRAVEL AND HUNT FOR ANTIQUES AND COLLECTABLES. THERE WILL BE MANY FOLKS, WHO FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT MIGHT NOT HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THE PARALLELS. AND WHEN I DID BEGIN GOING TO AUCTIONS SERIOUSLY, AND BUYING A LOT OF PRIMITIVE PINE, HARVEST TABLES, PIE SAFES, FLAT-TO-THE-WALL CUPBOARDS, JAM CUPBOARDS AND LATER, HOOSIER CUPBOARDS, THE OUTDOOR SCENERY, AND GENERAL AMBIENCE, OF PIONEER TIMES, MADE THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE SO INCREDIBLY ENJOYABLE. ADD TO THIS, THE FACT THAT SINCE MY EARLIEST DAYS AS A NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST, I HAVE BEEN WRITING THESE EXPERIENCES INTO HUNDREDS OF TRAVEL PIECES FOR A WIDE VARIETY OF LOCAL AND REGIONAL PUBLICATIONS. THERE REALLY HASN'T BEEN A CLEAR SEPARATION FOR ME, FROM THE BEGINNING OF MY COLLECTING INTERESTS, EVEN AS A CHILD, FROM THE INSPIRATION OF THE OUTDOORS UPON ANTIQUE INTERESTS. THE HISTORY FOR ME, IS IN THIS ACTUALITY, OF AMAZING SCENERY, THE FOUR SEASONS, AND ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING WEATHER CONDITIONS, FROM BAD SNOWSTORMS, TO MAJOR RAINSTORMS, TO SOME OF THE MOST SOOTHING, PLEASANT WEATHER ON EARTH.

     TODAY WAS SUCH A CIRCUMSTANCE, WHERE WE FOUND OURSELVES PULLED AWAY BY THE ALLURE OF THE OPEN ROAD, ON A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY, WITH A FEW COINS TO INVEST JANGLING IN OUR RESPECTIVE POCKETS, AND NO OTHER COMMITMENTS. I DON'T HAVE IT ALL WRITTEN DOWN NOW, AS WE ARRIVED HOME LATE THIS AFTERNOON, AND YES THERE WERE THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES. WE HAVE FIVE CATS AND THEY ARE A DEMANDING LOT. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU A FEW MORE INSIGHTS, THAT I HAVE COME TO REALIZE MORE THIS YEAR THAN EVER, JUST HOW TIGHTLY CONNECTED MY INTERESTS IN ANTIQUES, FINDING THEM, AND CELEBRATING THE WHOLE TRAVEL ADVENTURE. IT SHOULD BE NO WONDER THEN THAT MY FAVORITE BOOK IN UNIVERSITY WAS "ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE." I DISCOVER ALOT ABOUT THE DYNAMIC OF LIFE, TRAVELING OUT AND ABOUT, AS WE DO, AND IT'S FASCINATING NOW, TO REALIZE JUST HOW INTERTWINED IT'S ALL BEEN, IN A CONNECTED PROFITABILITY TO BUSINESS, IN ONE DEGREE, HEART AND SOUL IN THE OTHER. I MAY GO TO ANTIQUE MALLS, BUT I ENJOY GETTING THERE, JUST AS MUCH AS PURSUING THE HOLY GRAIL WITHIN. IN THE NEXT FEW BLOGS, I'D LIKE TO EXAMINE THIS A LITTLE CLOSER, BECAUSE HONESTLY, IT'S ONLY BEEN IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS, THAT I'VE GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT…..I'VE JUST DONE WHAT I'VE ALWAYS DONE…..AND NEVER REALLY FELT THE NEED TO ANALYZE IT AS SUCH. WE HAD A GOOD DAY OUT ON THE HUSTINGS, AND AS ALWAYS, A WONDERFUL RESPITE FOR LUNCH, THIS TIME AT THE MARIPOSA MARKET IN ORILLIA…..WHERE WE USED TO TAKE OUR YOUNG LADS ON SUNDAY MORNINGS BACK IN THE EARLY 1990'S, WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS, MERLE AND ED. IT'S ALWAYS A NOSTALGIC EVENT WHEN WE RE-VISIT. MORE TO COME THIS WEEK. I COME HOME FEELING SO DARN GOOD ABOUT THE DAY……AND IT'S NEVER JUST BECAUSE OF THE GOOD FINDS UNCOVERED. IT'S A MOST AMAZING LIFESTYLE WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT…..AND ONE I COULD NEVER GIVE UP VOLUNTARILY.

NOVELTY AND GAG ITEMS FOR HOME, PARTY AND HUNT CAMP

FOR THE LOVE OF NOSTALGIA - ROY SALES OF WINNIPEG

YESTERDAY I SHARED SOME PAGES OUT OF THE NEAT 1960'S ORDER CATALOGUE FROM ROY SALES, OF WINNIPEG, MANITOBA. THE SMALL, STAPLE-BOUND BOOKLET, OFFERS A GRAND PLETHORA OF TOYS, MAGIC TRICKS, DISGUISES, PLAYING CARDS, NOVELTIES, PUZZLES, JEWELRY, PARTY FAVORS, AND WHAT THEY REFER TO AS "DRUG SUNDRIES." I HAVE CATALOG NO. 27. IT'S A WELL PRESERVED BOOKLET, AND FOR THE COLLECTOR OF NOVELTIES ETC., IT IS A PRECIOUS COMPANION TO CONTEMPORARY PRICE GUIDES. I COULD PROBABLY FIND TWENTY OR SO PIECES, FROM THIS VINTAGE, AND THIS TYPE OF CATALOGUE, ON THE SHELVES OF LOCAL SECOND HAND AND THRIFT SHOPS……WITHOUT LOOKING HARD. SO A LOT OF THIS MERCHANDISE WAS SOLD, AND I'M NOT SURE WHY SO MUCH OF IT IS SURFACING RECENTLY, BUT FOR SOMEONE COLLECTING NOVELTY AND GAG ITEMS, THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO GO SHOPPING…..AT LEAST IN OUR REGION OF ONTARIO. NOT EVERYTHING IN THE BOOKLET IS RISQUE UNLESS YOU COUNT A BEER STEIN, A SWISS MADE WRISTWATCH OR A CAMERA, AS CROSSING THE BOUNDARY OF DECENCY. THERE ARE A LOT OF POLITICALLY INCORRECT OBJECTS AND ORNAMENTS, THAT'S FOR SURE.

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, I grew up in a neighborhood, with two really neat cornerstones….that while markedly different from one another, did have some of the same inventory, and much of it I can find in this same catalogue. So I pretty much saw it every day in those years from 1966 to 1974, when I lived on Bracebridge's Alice Street, a short walk to either Bamford's Store or Lil & Cec's. Corner stores were my cornerstone, as a kid, and I dare say as a modern day collector…..they were my inadvertent source of inspiration.

My first trading cards came from Lil & Cec's. Hockey, baseball, television novelty cards like The Munsters, and Coke bottle caps with photographs of National Hockey League players printed on the tops. My favorite of course was one of "Roger Crozier," of the Detroit Red Wings, because he was a hometown boy. This was the period, of course, of the original six hockey clubs. I think Lil & Cec's was also the place I bought my cent candy, the sherbet powder and licorice straws that almost killed me, (when I'd inhale the powder) the potato chips, Hostess, I think, that had plastic war planes inside. And of course Cracker Jacks and Lucky Elephant, and a cold Coke. I was a candy junky by time I was thirteen. Geez, a trip to the dentist was like the movie "The Deer Hunter," for the fear and loathing it inspired in me……and the dentist. We both yelped at the same time. Even Merle from the waiting room. "You have how many cavities Teddy Currie? Whenever Merle was ticked-off with me, I went from being Ted, to "Teddy." Do you know how many black balls a kid could buy for a quarter. An insane number. I crunched those wickedly hard candies at the expense of my teeth. I went to the dentist on one occasion, and had 17 cavities. Poor Merle was trying to save face. "He won't stop eating those black balls and that toffee stuff," she'd say, as the dentist was already thinking about the new car he was going to buy with what my sweet tooth was going cost ultimately.

Bamford's was more of an intellectual pursuit. You really had to study the place, because it wasn't anything like you supposed, on the way through the front door. You'd hear the bell ringing, as vibrated by the door's movement, and on the first step inside, it was like you'd entered the Twilight Zone. You bounced on the floor, as I suspect the floor joist were straining under the weight, and once the door closed, you were in a sort of cupboard with stuff hanging over your head, from souvenir tomahawks, fake birch bark drums with feathers, "Muskoka" imprinted back scratchers, baseball gloves, puppets, and anything else Fred Bamford could hang from hooks in the ceiling…..as all the shelving was already packed with merchandise. I don't think they ever had to have the heat on, in that building, because of the hot air coming of the big coolers being operated in the two rooms of the main store. There were nooks and crannies all over the place, jammed with tin goods and packages of coffee and tea. There were narrow passages and large storage areas behind the alcove, where the store clerk sat. Fred or Mary, or Cora White or my mother Merle, sat inside this alcove (wicket), with the cigarettes and related tobacco products. If you wanted a tin of beans, you had to ask, and they would slip into the store-room and bring it back to the counter. I know there were a lot of unsavory folks who asked for something in the store room, so they could have few moments to steal cigarettes. I didn't smoke. If they were away from the wicket, I won't lie. I may have checked out the male-only magazines, like "Fling" or something like that, they used to keep in the top section of the magazine rack, right inside the door. A lot of folks took their magazines, for free, when they opened the door, and blocked the Bamford's view of the stand. The Bamfords were nice folks and they gave my mother a job when my dad was out of work. They were quite charitable, without making a fuss. At Christmas they treated their staff pretty well. So I would never have shop-lifted anything. But I do feel somewhat embarrassed that I would have snuck a peak at those forbidden magazines. It was a pretty big temptation……seeing as they were one up from the comics and Mad Magazines. Maybe I'd just been mistaken, and my hand-eye co-ordination was off by a tad. Yea, that explains it!

Getting back to this little catalogue. I wanted to republish a few more pages from "Roy Sales," that I found interesting. In Muskoka, and Bracebridge specifically, the onset of tourism season, on the Victoria Day weekend in May, brought this stuff out onto the shelves of many variety stores, not just Bamfords. Bamfords did tend to be a little more risque about it, than say, the local five and dime store, but from what I see in this catalogue, much that wound up in average shops, especially in tourism season, was of a similar style and purpose. I don't know why exactly. Possibly then, the types of cottagers, and the day-travellers, felt this novelty merchandise was a big deal. Bamfords used to sell hundreds of the fake wood wall plaques with sayings and graphics on them, in bright colors…..ranging from outhouse depictions, to the image of, yes indeed, "the horse's ass." I guess you could call it household / cottage decorations, but most of it was suited for the male-dominated hunt camps and lodges where a cup with breasts might fit in better. Obviously these items turned a profit, because what we're seeing on the rebound today, on the shelves of second hand shops, had obviously been purchased by someone back then……before estate executors had to find it all a good home (as donations). Yet there's still something nostalgic about the gag and novelty pieces, and I'm sure that somewhere out there, there are collectors who have a real passion for whoopee cushions, and leftover snowstorm tablets; which you put on the lit end of your cigarette to create ash that looked like snow.

Get this. You could even acquire "Prison Pennants," like Sing-Sing and Alcatraz, for twenty-five cents a pop. What about the ruckus you could stir up with a barking dog, that isn't really there. It's mounted on a rubber ball, that when squeezed, emitted the sound of a barking dog……but was small enough to conceal……thus the joke about "what dog?" What a riot eh? So how about a household ornament of a child on a ceramic potty or bed pan, as a decorator statement. The "brown" child on the bed pan, reads "For old butts and Ashes." Here's the washroom novelty the guests will love. It's called 'Wet Seat," and is a soft water bladder that fits just under the seat. When you sit down, the water hits the behind with considerable force. "Just picture the expression on the victim's face when he/she sits down?" These are different times! I'm thinking it might inspire a lawsuit today. Then there are the packages of novelty cigarettes, that you can jam into any orifice on any other interesting ceramic in the house, and it will give the impression, eg., that the bust of Mozart or Bach, for example, is smoking. The rubber wiener? Who couldn't find a novelty use for this? Switch the real hot dog for the rubber one, and watch your kid go nuts trying to eat it. Of course, we don't know how many rubber wieners were consumed in the heyday of this product. Once again, a lawsuit comes to mind. I get a kick out of reading about the itching and sneezing powder you could buy, and blow at one of your friends or enemies. Geez, I wished I'd known about the itching powder gag. At university we had to grind down some fiberglass insulation, to get a quantity of nearly invisible powder. It's true. I did put it on the black toilet seat in the residence washroom. It's also true that the gent who used it that Friday afternoon, was scratching his arse all the way home on the bus to Huntsville from Toronto…..and right through the weekend. "What did you put on that toilet seat Currie, you bastard," was the short version of the questioning I got the very next Monday morning. "I've got to go to the doctor, so I need to be able to tell him what it was." I responded that, "well, he'll need patience, a good magnifying device and tweezers." I'd have been all over this catalogue, I'll tell you that, because I was a huge practical joker back in university days. I've calmed somewhat since. But I'm always thinking.

If I could, I'd like to put an order in today for a "Wart Nose and Fun Beak," being offered by Roy Sales, for only seventy-five cents. Maybe I'd add a "Crazy Thumb," which was a "super giant rubber thumb over five inches long…..for hitchhiking I guess. I should also pick up a have dozen "New Corkers," "for the hole in your head," that Suzanne thinks I have. The cork comes with hair on top, so that you can fill the hole with the cork, and the hair just combs into place. I like it. I would ask her to buy me the "Old Guzzler Tonic," which apparently is "good for what ales (not ails) you. An attractive box, contains a miniature beer bottle with a baby nipple attached…..a short beer in a goofy box," for only sixty cents. I'd really want a genuine Jimmy Durante nose…..remember….."That's no banana….that's ,my nose." I could also have ordered giant slip-on hillbilly feet, monster rubber hands, horror rubber feet, comical fake ears and horrible teeth. If I'd have known about this catalogue as a kid, I would have spent all my money ordering stuff……and probably have spent a lot less on black balls, pop and chips. I thought the novelty items on the backs of comic books were a big deal. Those x-ray glasses didn't work. Geez, that was pretty disappointing, you know. The only fun I had was making the girls think I saw something with these wild looking glasses, and that got them covering up. Never run from a guy with x-ray glasses. It just makes it so much more fun. "I saw it, I saw it!" And, as usual, those teachers always ruined things. Figures after all the trouble I got into with teachers, for all those years, that I'd actually marry one. Now I'm in trouble all the time. I won't be leaving an apple on her desk, that's for sure.

I've thrown in a few more images of this wonderful, nostalgic catalogue…….and whether in bad taste or not……our moms and pops bought this stuff…..and now it's showing up all over the place. Believe it, or not!

Thanks for joining today's blog. Come back and visit soon.

Please visit my other blog at http://muskokaaswaldenpond.blogspot.ca