Antiques in Burlington and The Boat That Went Away

MY OWN INDIANA JONES ADVENTURE -

WHERE THIS COLLECTING THING BEGAN - THEY CALL ME BIG-FOOT

A SIDEBAR FOR TODAY'S ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE BLOG, IS THE FACT THE GRAVENHURST WINTER CARNIVAL SONG, AS WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY THE LOCAL GROUP, "PRESSURE POINT" IS NEARING 1,100 TOTAL VIEWS OVER TWO ONLINE SITES; THE SONG WITH A STATIC PHOTOGRAPH OF SKOKIE (THE MASCOT WINTER CARNIVAL OTTER) HAS REACHED CLOSE TO 300 VISITS, AND THE SITE WITH THE ACTUAL MUSIC VIDEO IS NOW NEARING 800 VIEWS, IN JUST OVER A WEEK SINCE IT WAS POSTED ON YOUTUBE. THE GROUP, WHO DID THE MUSIC VIDEO AND SONG, AS A DONATION TO THE GRAVENHURST WINTER CARNIVAL COMMITTEE, IS COMPOSED OF LEAD SINGER, DANI O'CONNOR, AARON BINDER, ROB CURRIE, ANDREW CURRIE, WITH BACK UP VOCALS BY RAY PARSONS AND JON O'CONNOR. SKOKIE WAS PLAYED BY CHRIS O'CONNOR IN THE MUSIC VIDEO. THE HOPE IS, THAT THE POPULAR VIDEO WILL HELP MARKET THE ANNUAL WINTER CARNIVAL, AND INCREASE ATTENDANCE OVER THE THREE DAYS IN LATE FEBRUARY. YOU CAN VIEW THE MUSIC VIDEO BY CLICKING ONTO http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuwE6cFlRCg

IT'S TRUE. I'M NOT PARTICULARLY HAIRY, AND THAT INCLUDES MY HEAD, ARMS AND LEGS, AND I DON'T JUMP OUT OF THICK WOODS TO SCARE UNSUSPECTING HIKERS. SO WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER CALLS ME BIG-FOOT, IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE ONE FOOT WIDER THAN THE OTHER. NO, THIS WAS NOT A NATURAL CONDITION. IT WAS HOWEVER, THE FIRST SIGN OF THE COLLECTOR-ME, AND AN EARLY CROSS-ROADS BETWEEN BEING AN HONEST COLLECTOR, AND A TOMB RAIDER. ONE INCIDENT, ONE ACCIDENT, LED ME TO TAKE THE ROAD TOWARD HONESTY, AS A FUTURE COLLECTOR. I THINK OF THIS EVERY TIME I TRY ON A NEW PAIR OF SHOES. IT'S NOT EASY OUTFITTING MY FEET, AND THAT'S BEEN A REALITY FOR ABOUT A HALF CENTURY. HERE'S HOW I BECAME SUDDENLY MISSHAPEN.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY READERS, SOME WHO ARE ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE ENTHUSIASTS, AND EVEN DEALERS, SPEND MUCH TIME ANALYZING HOW THEIR INTERESTS IN THE FIELD BEGAN. AS I WROTE IN YESTERDAY'S BLOG, I KNOW THAT HANGING AROUND IN MOM AND POP CORNER VARIETY STORES, IN MY PERIOD OF THE 60'S AND EARLY 70'S, PLAYED A MAJOR ROLE IN ATTRACTING ME TO THE ANTIQUE PROFESSION. BUT I ALSO RECOGNIZE THE SEEDS WERE PLANTED LONG BEFORE THIS, DURING THE PERIOD MY FAMILY LIVED ON A TIDY LITTLE CUL-DE-SAC IN THE CITY OF BURLINGTON, ONTARIO. THIS WAS MY INITIAL FORAY AS A HUNTER-GATHERER, AND THERE WERE FEW DAYS GOING TO AND FROM LAKESHORE PUBLIC SCHOOL, THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE FRISKED AT THE DOOR AT BOTH ENDS OF THE JOURNEY…… TRYING TO GET IN THE SCHOOL WITH AN ASSORTMENT OF PROHIBITED ITEMS, AND THEN AGAIN AT HOME, ATTEMPTING TO SNEAK PAST MY MOTHER, WITH EVERYTHING IN MY POCKETS FROM CHESTNUTS, TO LIVESTOCK…..FROGS, INSECTS I FOUND NEAT, AND SUNDRY OTHER BITS AND BOBBS FOUND ON, AND ALONGSIDE THE ROADS, TO AND FROM SCHOOL. I HAD DEEP POCKETS. I KNOW MY MOTHER MERLE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MY PENCHANT FOR HAULING STUFF HOME, AND I'M SURE SHE RAN IT BY HER NEIGHBOR FRIENDS…."WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BOY. HE'S CRAZY WITH WHAT HE BRINGS HOME." WITHOUT QUESTION, I DID BRING SOME ODD THINGS HOME. NOTHING STRANGER HOWEVER THAN THE LEGENDARY NEIGHBORHOOD RELIC KNOWN AS THE "GOOLAGONG." (NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TENNIS PLAYER). HERE'S HOW THAT DEAL WENT DOWN.

RAY GREEN AND I WERE NOT IN A GANG. WE WERE BOTH PACIFISTS. KIDS THAT ADORED BEING OUTDOORS AND PLAYING ALONG THE BANK OF OLD RAMBLE CREEK, THAT RAN THROUGH THE SIDE LOTS OF THE HARRIS CRESCENT PROPERTIES, ONE MAJOR BLOCK FROM THE SHORE OF LAKE ONTARIO…..ABOUT THREE BLOCKS FROM BRANT STREET, THE MAIN DRAG. RAY AND HIS SISTER HOLLY, WERE PART OF OUR LITTLE GANG….IF YOU COULD CALL IT THAT AT ALL. WELL, THERE WAS A SMALL GATHERING OF KIDS, WHO HAD BUILT A BOX CLUBHOUSE, NEAR A CLUSTER OF APARTMENT BUILDINGS, ON THE END OF THE HYDRO POWER LINE, ALSO ADJACENT TO RAMBLE CREEK. THEIR PLYWOOD ENCAMPMENT WASN'T TOO FAR FROM THE BORDER OF LION'S CLUB PARK. RAY HAD SOME INSIDE INFORMATION, THAT THESE LADS HAD A SPECIAL COLLECTION OF HAND HELD DEVICES, THAT HAD SOME AMAZING POWER ATTACHED. LIKE SOMETHING A WIZARD WOULD USE TO TURN AN OPPONENT INTO A HORNY TOAD OR SOMETHING. I WAS EASILY LED AS A YOUNGSTER, RAY BEING MY SVENGALI, I SUPPOSE. SO WHEN HE SUGGESTED THAT WE COULD BE MASTERS OF THIS DOMAIN, BY HAVING THOSE MAGICAL WEAPONS, HE CALLED "GOOLAGONGS," WHO WAS I TO ARGUE WITH WHAT RAY FELT WAS OUR DESTINY OF WORLD DOMINATION. I THINK I WAS PROBABLY SEVEN YEARS OLD AT THIS TIME. I KNEW THERE WERE MONSTERS UNDER THE BED, AND I DARESAY IN THE CLOSET AS WELL. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I WAS CONFLICTED IN LOVE WITH A CLASSMATE NAMED DONNA. I STALKED HER DAILY. SHE DIDN'T KNOW I WAS ALIVE, EXCEPT WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON HER SHOES, WHEN I GOT TOO CLOSE. SO WHAT I DIDN'T HAVE IN RECIPROCAL LOVE, I RE-INVESTED INSTEAD, IN THIS HUGE ADVENTURE WITH MY CHILDHOOD CHUM.

SO, WITH STEALTH AND COMMITMENT, TO PREVAIL OVER THESE NEIGHBORHOOD TOUGHS, RAY AND I SNUCK UP ON THEIR CLUBHOUSE, USING THE AMPLE SHRUBBERY OF THE CREEK BASIN, TO CONCEAL OUR APPROACH. RAY HAD ALREADY OBSERVED THE GANG LEAVING THE FORT, AND CALCULATED WE HAD JUST ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE THE RAID, SECURE THE GOOLAGONGS, AND BEAT A HASTY RETREAT BACK INTO THE WOODLANDS. TO GET ACCESS TO THE BOX-FORT, YOU HAD TO CLIMB UP AN UNSECURED SHEET OF FOUR, BY EIGHT FOOT PLYWOOD, WITH SMALL BOARDS NAILED ONTO THE FRONT, AS A SORT OF LADDER TO THE TOP. AND YES IT WAS A LITTLE WOBBLY UNDER OUR WEIGHT. WE HAD TO CLIMB DOWN INTO THE BOX, WHICH DID SEEM A TAD STRANGE, AS THE DOOR WOULD NORMALLY BE ON ONE OF THE SIDES. WHEN WE BOTH USED AN INSIDE LADDER TO GET DOWN INTO THE NERVE CENTER OF THE CLUBHOUSE, WE FOUND TWO OF THE COVETED GOOLAGONGS. RAY GOT ONE, AND HANDED ME THE OTHER. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THEY COME BACK," HE YELLED TO ME, ALREADY HALFWAY UP THE LADDER TO THE ROOF. IT WAS THE "COMING BACK" PART I HADN'T BEEN AWARE OF. I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE ON A TIGHT BUDGET OF TIME, TO MAKE OUR GREAT ESCAPE. SO I HUSTLED OUT OF THE ENCLOSURE, JUST IN TIME TO WATCH RAY LITERALLY BOUNCE DOWN THE PLYWOOD. "THEY'RE COMING TED, THEY'RE COMING," HE SHOUTED, ALREADY RUNNING UP THE HYDRO FIELD, IN PLAIN VIEW OF THE THREE GANGSTERS COMING FROM LIONS PARK. FIRST OF ALL, WE HAD AGREED, OUR ESCAPE WOULD HAVE BEEN HARDER TO FOLLOW, DOWN THROUGH THE CREEK BED, AS WE COULD RUN AMONGST THE THICK SHRUBS, LIKE DEER IN FLIGHT…..ALMOST INVISIBLE IN THE ZONE WE WERE MOST FAMILIAR. HE DIDN'T FOLLOW PROTOCOL AT ALL THAT DAY.

WHEN I TOOK MY TURN TO GO DOWN THE PLYWOOD, MUCH THE SAME AS RAY HAD LEPT DOWN, (INSTEAD OF USING THE LADDER RUNGS), I DIDN'T KNOW THE PANEL HAD SHIFTED AWAY FROM THE STRUCTURE OF THE FORT. SO WHEN I TOOK THE FIRST BOUNCE DOWN, THE PLYWOOD DROPPED STRAIGHT TO THE GROUND WITH ME ON IT. THE DROP WAS ABOUT EIGHT FEET, AND I LANDED ON ONE FOOT, FRACTURING IT BADLY. THE PAIN WAS HORRIFIC. BUT I STILL HAD TO RUN, FOR FEAR OF BEING BEATEN TO A PULP. RAY HAD TOSSED DOWN HIS GOOLAGONG, BUT I REFUSED. WHILE RAY WAS HAVING HIS LUNCH, I WAS STILL TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THESE LADS, AND AFTER SOME INTERESTING DEKES AND DIVERSIONS, I MADE IT IN THE APARTMENT DOOR WITH ABOUT TWO SECONDS TO SPARE. THE DOOR LOCKED AS THE CLENCHED FIST OF MY PURSUER, POUNDED THE HOLLOW WOOD. MERLE HAD BEEN SNEAKING A CIGARETTE, AND SHOT UP LIKE A JUMPING JACK, KNOCKING A GLOWING PORTION OF ASH ON HER BLOUSE….WHICH MOST CERTAINLY LEFT A MARK. SHE WENT TO ANSWER THE DOOR, AGAINST MY URGING NOT TO, AND TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, WELL, SHE HANDED MY ENEMY CAPTAIN THE GOOLAGONG I HAD STOLEN, YELLED AT ME FOR ABOUT A HALF HOUR….TOLD ME THAT I WAS LUCKY TO BE ALIVE…..AS THE KID REALLY WANTED TO KILL ME…..AND THEN ASKED ME WHY MY RIGHT FOOT LOOKED LIKE I HAD A FOOTBALL TUCKED INTO MY SOCK. SO OFF TO THE HOSPITAL WE WENT. ALL FOR A GOOLAGONG I HAD TO HAVE…….BECAUSE OF ITS MAGICAL POWERS. YEA, WELL, THIS WAS TEDDY'S FOLLY. ALL I GOT WAS A REALLY BIG FOOT FOR LIFE.

I PAID DEARLY FOR THAT INDISCRETION, WHERE "WANT" CLEARLY OUTWEIGHED CONSEQUENCE. THE X-RAY AT JOSEPH BRANT HOSPITAL SHOWED A SUBSTANTIAL FRACTURE IN MY FOOT, AND DOC PRESTON CAME TO OUR APARTMENT TO WRAP MY FOOT. HE PUT A DRESSING ON MY SKIN, THAT WHEN WRAPPED, MADE IT FEEL AS IF I WAS WALKING ON HOT COALS FOR ABOUT A DAY. THAT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. WHEN MERLE EXPLAINED TO THE DOCTOR, HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT, HE PUT HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER AND ASKED, "WELL TED, ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN?" I SHOOK MY HEAD BECAUSE THE PAIN IN MY FOOT, KEPT ME SPEECHLESS FOR QUITE A WHILE.

RAY AND I WERE GOOD CHUMS RIGHT UP INTO OUR TWENTIES, BUT WE MOVED A CONSIDERABLE DISTANCE APART. I DIDN'T BLAME HIM FOR GETTING ME INTO TROUBLE. I COULD HAVE SAID NO. I DO BLAME HIM FOR LEAVING ME TO FIGHT OFF THE GANG. WHILE HE WAS HIDING UNDER THE BED, SAFELY IN HIS APARTMENT. I'M TOLD I DID MORE DAMAGE TO THE FOOT BY RUNNING AWAY, THAN IF I HAD LIMPED HOME ON RAY'S SHOULDER. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THOUGH, WHERE SELF PRESERVATION KICKED IN, AND THE THOUGHT OF GETTING A DAMN SUBSTANTIAL BEATING FROM THE GANG RUNNING BEHIND, OUTWEIGHED THE POTENTIAL OF HAVING ONE REALLY BIG FOOT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WHAT STARTED WITH AN INTEREST IN SECURING AN ENCHANTED WEAPON, ENDED WITH AN ENLARGED FOOT AND A VIVID MEMORY OF MY ONLY TIME AS INDIANA JONES, IN THE PURSUIT OF THE "HOLY GOOLAGONG."

AT ABOUT THIS AGE, I REALLY DID TURN ON TO TOYS THAT WERE MINIATURES OF THE REAL MCCOYS. YOU KNOW, A WOODEN BOAT WITH AN INBOARD ENGINE, WITH BATTERY POWER, THAT ACTUALLY DASHED ACROSS THE OPEN WATER. I CAN REMEMBER MY DAD COMING HOME WITH WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A CHRIS CRAFT MINIATURE, WITH A BATTERY DRIVEN INBOARD ENGINE, THAT I THINK NOW MUST HAVE BEEN FOR MY BIRTHDAY. WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY THEN, SO I CAN'T IMAGINE, THAT HE ALL OF A SUDDEN TOOK LEAVE OF HIS SENSES, AND BOUGHT ME WHAT I THINK WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EXPENSIVE TOY. FOR WEEKS, I PLAYED WITH THAT LITTLE BOAT IN THE BATH-TUB. I KEPT BUGGING ED TO TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARK NEAR THE OLD BRANT INN, SO I COULD RUN THE BOAT IN LAKE ONTARIO. FINALLY HE RELENTED, AND FATHER AND SON HAD A PLAY DATE WITH A REALLY NICE BOAT. NOW ED WAS IMPATIENT WITH THINGS LIKE THAT, AND HE DIDN'T APPRECIATE FULLY, THE RUDDER HAD TO BE SET TO THE DIRECTION IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO. SUCH AS BEING POSITIONED SUCH THAT THE BOAT WOULD CRUISE IN A CIRCLE. SO HE JUST SET THE RUDDER STRAIGHT, SECURED THE BATTERIES, TURNED IT ON, WHILE STILL IN HIS HAND, PLACED IT IN THE WATER, AND IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT TO SEE. MY LITTLE BOAT HEADING OUT TO THE OPEN LAKE. IT MANAGED TO GO SO PERFECTLY STRAIGHT, IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH THE OPENING OF THE BREAK WALL, THAT PROTECTED THE BEACHFRONT, AND WE STOOD THERE, FATHER AND SON, WAVING GOODBYE TO MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT. I DON'T REMEMBER GETTING A REPLACEMENT TOY, ALTHOUGH I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THIS.

I ALSO HAD, AT THIS TIME, A WONDERFUL LITTLE TIN BATTLESHIP, ON WHEELS, THAT YOU COULD PLAY WITH ON A TILE OR WOOD FLOOR, AND IT WOULD CHANGE DIRECTIONS WHEN IT HIT AN OBSTACLE, OR THE WALL. I LOVED THAT SHIP BUT REPLACING THE BATTERIES WAS COSTLY. MY MOTHER GAVE IT AWAY TO ANOTHER KID IN OUR APARTMENT BLOCK, BECAUSE SHE DETERMINED I HAD OUTGROWN IT. ED ONCE BOUGHT ME A NICE LITTLE ROBOT FOR CHRISTMAS, ALSO REQUIRING BATTERIES, AND THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, CAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND CRUSHED IT UNDER-FOOT. THEN HE BOUGHT ME AN EVEN BIGGER ROBOT THAT I THINK WAS CALLED "ROBBIE THE ROBOT," AND IT WAS PRETTY MUCH INDESTRUCTIBLE. I THINK IT TOOK FOUR LARGE BATTERIES, BUT IT WAS SPECTACULAR WHEN IT WAS SWITCHED ON. IT WALKED, HAD LIGHTS ON THE INSIDE THE GLASS SHIELD, OF THE ROBOT'S HEAD, AND THE ANTENNAE ROTATED WHEN IT WALKED. ANOTHER CLASSIC TIN TOY I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE NOW, THAT MY MOTHER DECIDED WAS SURPLUS, JUST BECAUSE I GOT OLDER. I CERTAINLY WASN'T OVER-RUN BY TOYS, BUT I ALWAYS GOT A HOCKEY STICK FOR CHRISTMAS, AND THAT KEPT ME GOING THROUGH THE YEAR. I COULD USE THE STICK AS A MAKE-BELIEVE GUN IN A PINCH, IF THE NEIGHBOR KIDS DECIDED TO HAVE A WESTERN-THEME DAY. I ALSO REMEMBER A GUN AND HOLSTER, PLUS CALLING CARDS, INSPIRED BY THE TELEVISION SHOW "PALADIN," I BELIEVE, AND I WAS ALWAYS DRAWING MY GUN ON FOLKS I DIDN'T CARE FOR. I GAVE ALL MY CALLING CARDS OUT ON A DOOR TO DOOR CANVAS, ONE DAY, WHICH REALLY FREAKED OUT THE NEIGHBORS. I WAS A GUNSLINGER, YOU SEE. WHEN I FELT LIKE BEING A BAD GUY, I WAS JACK PALANCE, IN HIS HIRED GUN ROLE IN THE MOVIE "SHANE." ONCE AGAIN, I THINK THAT LONG BEFORE I GOT THE URGE TO HEAD WEST, TO JOIN THE REST OF THE HIRED GUNS, MERLE LEFT ME GUN-LESS WHEN I GOT HOME ONE DAY AFTER SCHOOL. TO COMPENSATE, I JUST KEPT FINDING NEW THINGS TO BRING HOME FOR MYSELF INSTEAD. I HAD LOTS OF CONTRABAND STASHED UNDER MY BED, AND AT THE BACK OF THE CLOSET. I WASN'T A THIEF, EXCEPT IN THE GOOLAGONG INCIDENT, BUT I HAD A FASCINATION FOR FOUND ITEMS THAT WOULD SERVE SOME FUTURE USE. THE ROOT OF THE EVENTUAL HOARDER. MAYBE IF MERLE HADN'T CHUCKED ALL MY STUFF OUT, OR DONATED IT TO NEIGHBORS' KIDS, I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO ENACT PLAN "B." THE HUNTING AND GATHERING OF EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING ELSE I COULD FIND ON MY GAD-ABOUTS.

WHEN I THINK BACK TO OTHER SOURCES OF INSPIRATION, BACK IN THOSE YEARS, I REMEMBER GOING WITH MY FATHER ONE DAY TO BUY MY MOTHER A CUP AND SAUCER, FOR HER BIRTHDAY. SHE WAS A BIG TEA DRINKER, AND WAS, AT THE TIME, TRYING TO COLLECT A PARTICULAR PATTERN OF CHINA, LITERALLY ONE CUP AND SAUCER AT A TIME. HE TOOK ME TO A BUSINESS, A COUPLE OF BLOCKS AWAY, NEAR THE SHORE OF LAKE ONTARIO, THAT ONLY DEALT WITH COLLECTIBLE CHINA. I WAS IN AWE. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS SEA OF CHINA CUPS, SAUCERS, DISHES, PLATTERS, COVERED DISHES, AND BOWLS EVERYWHERE IN THE SHOP. ED PICKED OUT THE PATTERN MERLE LIKED, AND WE GOT THE CUP AND SAUCER WRAPPED AND BOXED IN THAT INTERESTING SHOP, AND I ALWAYS REMEMBER THE SOFT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC BEING PLAYED, AND THE PERFUME SMELL OF THE AIR INSIDE….WHICH SORT OF REMINDED ME OF OUR LANDLADY'S SPRING GARDEN. I ALSO REMEMBER ED TAKING ME TO THE BURLINGTON BUS STATION, AND THE FRAGRANT SMELL OF TOBACCO FROM A SHOP CONNECTED, I BELIEVE, AND IT WAS MY FIRST INTRODUCTION TO PIPES AND TOBACCO POUCHES. I THINK THERE WAS A BARBERSHOP AS WELL, SO I GOT THE STRONG SCENT OF SHAVING FOAM, AFTER SHAVE AND BRUSH DISINFECTANT….AND THE CLEAR RECOLLECTION OF THE SOUND OF A RAZOR BEING HIT, AND RUN UP AND DOWN THE STRAP, HUNG AT THE SIDE OF THE HUGE BARBER'S CHAIR. I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS WHERE I GOT TO GO, ONCE A MONTH, FOR MY OWN "EAR LOWERING" AS MY MOTHER USED TO CALL IT. THE BARBER USED TO PUT A BOARD ACROSS THE ARMS, AND THAT'S HOW HIGH IN THE CHAIR I HAD TO SIT, SO THE POOR BUGGER DIDN'T HAVE TO HUNCH OVER TO CUT MY CURLS. I'M PRETTY SURE THERE WAS A CHAP WHO HAD A SHOE-SHINE STAND IN THE MAIN HALL, OF THE STATION, THOUGH I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THIS. I CAN RECALL THE SMELL OF THE SHOE POLISH, AND I'M REASONABLY SURE ED USED TO HAVE HIS DONE AT THE SAME TIME AS I GOT MY HAIR TRIMMED. THERE WAS A PLETHORA OF SIGHTS, SMELLS AND TEXTURES GOING AROUND THESE PLACES WITH MY FATHER, THAT STILL AFFECT ME TO THIS DAY……..WHEN I COME UPON AN ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE SHOP, THAT HAS NOSTALGIA PIECES I REMEMBER FROM THESE CHILDHOOD VISITATIONS. I STILL GET ENTRANCED BY BARBERSHOP AROMAS, AND THE SWEET SCENT OF FRESH PIPE TOBACCO, AND THE CURL OF SMOKE FROM A NEWLY LIT PIPE BOWL. THE PERMEATING AROMA OF SHOE POLISH…..(AND NO I DON'T SNIFF IT FOR A KICK), ALWAYS REMINDS ME OF THOSE FATHER-SON MOMENTS. I HAVE SEVERAL SHOE-SHINE BOXES WITH CONTENTS…..TO ONE DAY SHOW MY GRANDKIDS WHAT PROFESSIONS USED TO EXIST, BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

I KNOW THAT THERE ARE MANY THINGS FROM THOSE DAYS, WHICH LINGER IN MY ANTIQUE INTERESTS ALL THESE YEARS LATER. BUT I DON'T THINK THAT ANYTHING MY PARENTS DID, OR MY FRIENDS PARTICIPATED IN, OR ANYTHING I PICKED UP AT SCHOOL, HELPED ME PLANT THOSE SEEDS OF A FUTURE PROFESSION. I WAS INFLUENCED BY MANY THINGS, TO ENJOY THE PRESENT TENSE…..SO MUCH I GUESS, THAT I TRAPPED THOSE TIMES IN MY HEART AND SOUL, SUCH THAT I HAVE WANTED TO LIVE THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. EVEN DOWN TO THE BLACKPOOL ROCK CANDY, I USED TO BE ABLE TO GET FOR A TREAT (AND A FEW PENNIES), AT THE THEATRE MATINEES, IN BURLINGTON AND THEN BRACEBRIDGE. I STILL GO NUTS FOR THE STUFF, THAT ROTTED AND BROKE OFF MY TEETH, BUT BY GOLLY, COULD LAST A WHOLE DAY OF LICKING. I STILL LIKE TO PICK UP THE OCCASIONAL BROWN BAG OF BLACKBALLS, THAT ALSO DESTROYED MY TEETH, BUT FOR THE CASH STRAPPED KID, A THREE FOR A CENT DEAL, WAS WELL WITHIN MY BUDGET. AND WHEN I WAS IN THOSE FASCINATING CORNER SHOPS, WHERE THEY SOLD CENT CANDY, IN BURLINGTON AND BRACEBRIDGE, I WAS MOST DEFINITELY BEING INFLUENCED BY EVERYTHING I WAS SURROUNDED BY…….AND THOUGH I DIDN'T BECOME A COLLECTOR JUST BECAUSE OF THESE SHOPS, IT CERTAINLY WAS THE CRADLING OF MY IMAGINATION, AND THE FERTILIZATION OF THE SEEDS THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN PLANTED.

I CAN REMEMBER RAY GREEN AND I ENTERING AN OLD HOUSE, ON THE HILLSIDE OF TORRANCE AVENUE, AND KNOWING IT WAS ABOUT TO BE TORN DOWN, STARTED HARVESTING EVERYTHING THAT HAD BEEN LEFT LAYING AROUND. INTERESTING STUFF SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR, RANGING FROM VIVIDLY COLORED GLASS, SHATTERED OUT OF THE ELEGANTLY APPOINTED ENTRANCE-WAY, TO GLASS LIGHT SHADES, OLD WIRING, PIECES OF BOOK SHELF TORN FROM THE WALL, AND STRANGE KITCHEN UTENSILS WE FOUND ON THE CLUTTERED KITCHEN COUNTERS. WE ASSUMED THAT IT WAS A CASE OF PICKER'S RIGHTS, AT A TIME WHEN I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT PICKING, OTHER THAN WHAT I PRACTICED OUT OF INTEREST, NOT FOR PROFIT. WE CAME OUT OF THAT HOUSE WITH OUR POCKETS JAMMED TO OVERFLOWING. WHEN WE CAME UP TORRANCE AVENUE THE NEXT DAY AFTER SCHOOL, A TRACTOR WAS PULLING DOWN THE REMAINING WALL OF THE ONCE BEAUTIFUL OLD HOUSE, NESTLED AMONGST THE CHESTNUT TREES. WE COULD NOW CALL THESE ITEMS SOUVENIRS, LIKE THE ONES MY PARENTS USED TO BUY ME WHEN WE WENT TRAVELLING TO PLACES LIKE NIAGARA FALLS AND BUFFALO. IT TOOK MERLE ABOUT A MONTH TO FIND AND THROW OUT THE JUNK I'D HAULED HOME, FROM THE OLD VICTORIAN ERA HOUSE. I WAS DONE WITH IT ANYWAY. IT HAD SERVED ITS PURPOSE OF INSPIRATION. A COLLECTOR WAS BORN. SHE COULDN'T THROW OUT OR GIVE AWAY EVERYTHING. COULD SHE?

MY YOUTH WAS SPENT WITH, AS THEY SAY, "EYES WIDE OPEN." I'M GLAD OF THIS. BUT I TRULY THINK I WAS BORN THIS WAY. MY GRANDMOTHER USED TO SAY I HAD AN "OLD SOUL," BUT I NEVER KNEW WHAT SHE MEANT BY THIS. I THINK I DO NOW.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING TODAY'S BLOG. PLEASE JOIN ME AGAIN, FOR MORE STORIES ABOUT ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE HUNTING.

Corner Store Antiques

THE 1960'S, THE CORNER STORE WITH CRACKER JACK AND LUCKY ELEPHANT-

WHAT WERE THE INFLUENCES OF LIL & CEC'S VARIETY STORE?

I CAN TELL YOU HONESTLY, I KNEW ABOUT NOSTALGIA AND THE FEELINGS OF SENTIMENT IT INSPIRES, LONG BEFORE I KNEW WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANT BY STRICT DEFINITION. EVEN AS A TRINKET CHASING KID, I KNEW THAT THE PLACES I VISITED TO GET MY TREATS, WERE OUT OF THE PAGES OF A HISTORY I HADN'T YET READ. LONG, LONG BEFORE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NEAT TO BECOME AN ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE DEALER, I WAS INTUITIVELY AWARE THAT MY SURROUNDINGS WERE GOING TO CHANGE SOON. THESE OLD CORNERS STORES WERE GOING TO BE REMOVED OFF THE LANDSCAPE BY WHAT MY PARENTS USED TO TALK ABOUT……AS TRENDS IN REDEVELOPMENT AND URBAN SPRAWL. I REMEMBER WHAT THE CITY LOOKED LIKE, AND IT WAS A SERIOUS MATTER, AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED, IF THE CITY WAS TO INTRUDE UP THIS LITTLE TOWN I HAD COME TO ADORE……AFTER OUR OWN GREAT ESCAPE FROM SOUTHERN ONTARIO.

IT WAS THE LATE 1960'S IN BRACEBRIDGE, ONTARIO. IN BURLINGTON, WHERE WE HAD RESIDED UP UNTIL THE WINTER OF 1966, URBAN SPRAWL WAS QUITE PREVALENT, AND SACRED PLACES I'D KNOWN AS MY PLAYGROUND, HAD ALREADY BEEN SERIOUSLY COMPROMISED BY THE MID 1960'S. SO I HAD A MINOR INKLING THAT THE LITTLE "MOM AND POP" CORNER STORES, IN BRACEBRIDGE, HAD ALREADY PASSED THEIR PEAK. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE NUANCES OF COMPETITION, AND THE LAWS OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND, JUST THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE A REAL SHAME TO LOSE THOSE WONDERFUL OLD SHOPS……FILLED WITH SO MUCH NEAT STUFF.

I'VE ALWAYS FELT I LIVED SOME TIME BEFORE. WHEN I PASS A PLACE AND GET THAT STRANGE FEELING, AS IF I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, WALKED THESE SAME STREETS, PLAYED IN THE ADJACENT FIELDS AND PARK, YET HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THAT LOCALE IN THE PAST. IT WAS LIKE THIS THE FIRST TIME I WENT INTO THE FORMER "BLACK'S VARIETY," ON BRACEBRIDGE'S TORONTO STREET. IT BECAME "LIL & CEC'S," AND THEN "FRASER'S" BEFORE I LEFT THAT NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE MID 1970'S. THE SHOP, UPDATED OF COURSE, STILL OPERATES, BUT NOW IS KNOWN AS THE "QUIKEE MART." THERE WAS ANOTHER CORNER STORE, ON THE OTHER END OF THE SAME BLOCK, KNOWN AS BAMFORD'S VARIETY, AND WAS PART OF THE WOODLEY PARK GUEST COTTAGES, THAT OCCUPIED THE LARGE LOT BETWEEN THE TWO STORES. I LIVED IN THE WEBER APARTMENTS, ON ALICE STREET, WHICH WAS DIRECTLY BEHIND BOTH STORES. I HAD EASY ACCESS, YOU BET.

IT WAS DURING THE LIL & CEC YEARS THAT I SPENT MOST TIME IN THAT NEAT LITTLE SHOP, WITH ONE OF THOSE COKE MACHINES WITH THE METAL TRACKING, AND ICE COLD WATER TO NAVIGATE. NEVER GOT ONE OF THOSE POPS OUT EASILY OR WITHOUT NUMB FINGERS.

BAMFORD'S STORE WAS WHERE MY MOTHER MERLE, WORKED PART TIME, AND IT WAS JUST OUT OF THIS WORLD, AS FAR AS INTERIOR DECOR. IT WAS A SMALL SHOP, WITH A CUBBY HOLE FOR THE CLERK TO SIT, WITH THE PACKAGES OF CIGARETTES ON SHELVES BEHIND. IT WAS CROWDED WITH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING A CORNER STORE SHOULD HAVE, PLUS A LOT OF MERCHANDISE BEST SUITED A HARDWARE AND GROCERY STORE. I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY JAMMED SO MUCH INTO SUCH A SMALL SPACE. THEY DID HAVE A STORE ROOM, BUT IN THE SHOP, EVERY INCH, EXCEPT THE NECESSARY WALKWAYS FOR CUSTOMERS, WAS OCCUPIED WITH INVENTORY DISPLAY, INCLUDING THE CEILING. THERE WAS MORE STUFF HANGING OVER YOUR HEAD THAN WAS ON THE SHELVES. IT WAS JUST A DIFFERENT KIND OF MERCHANDISE. I WOULD BUY MY COMICS OFF BAMFORDS, AND MY MOTHER USED TO TIP ME OFF WHEN THE NEW SHIPMENT HAD BEEN DELIVERED. I REALLY LIKED MAD MAGAZINE BETTER, SO I HAD HUNDREDS OF THESE AT ONE TIME IN MY LIFE. THEN, ACCORDING TO MY WIFE, I GREW UP.

THE LOCAL HUNT'S HILL LADS USED TO DIVIDE OUR ALLOWANCE MONEY UP BETWEEN THE SHOPS. THE TREAT ITEMS WERE PRICED ABOUT THE SAME, BUT THERE WAS NO PORCH TO SIT ON AT BAMFORD'S. JUST A CONCRETE PAD, AND CARS COULD DRIVE INTO A PARKING SPOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SHOP, THAT LEFT YOU SUCKING EXHAUST FUMES. THAT WENT BACK TO THE STORE'S HEYDAY, AS A TOURIST AND CAMPING RESORT. SO IF YOU WANTED TO GET OUT OF THE MOTOR POOL, YOU COULD SIT ON THE STOOP AT LIL & CEC'S, AND THEY'D ONLY KICK YOU OFF AT STORE CLOSING….WHICH WAS LATE ON THOSE HOT SUMMER NIGHTS. THEY ALWAYS HAD THE AIR CONDITIONING CRANKED WAY UP, SO WE LINGERED A LOT OVER THE CENT CANDY DISPLAY, ENJOYING THE COOL RESPITE FROM THE STEAMY ENVIRONS OUTSIDE.

THE POINT IS, AND I'M NOT SURE HOW THIS WAS SEEDED IN MY MIND, BUT I LIVED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT NOSTALGIA WAS, AND THE SENTIMENT IT INSPIRED……AND REPRESENTED, IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, EVEN BEFORE I KNEW WHAT IT MEANT BY DICTIONARY DEFINITION. I HAD A BASIC IDEA OF HISTORY BUT THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING COMPELLING ABOUT THE OLD SHOPS, THAT BEGGED MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION……MUCH AS IF IT WOULD ONE DAY BE OF CONSIDERABLE IMPORTANCE. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS ABOUT THESE PLACES, AND CERTAINLY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RE-INCARNATION (IF I'D BEEN A FORMER OWNER OF A SHOP LIKE THIS), I PAID ATTENTION THROUGH THIS ENTIRE PERIOD, ALMOST AS IF I FEARED MISSING SOMETHING I WOULD NEED LATER. LIKE THE RAW INFORMATION TO PUT THIS ANTIQUE BIOGRAPHY INTO PRINT. I STUDIED THESE SHOPS, TRYING TO SECURE THESE MEMORIES FOR POSTERITY. AS SOON AS I'D POP IN THE DOOR OF THOSE SHOPS, I FELT THIS TIDAL WAVE OF SENTIMENT THAT AT TIMES MADE ME SAD, FOR NO APPARENT REASON, AND AT OTHER TIMES, JOYOUS THAT I STILL HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY ITS LAST FEW YEARS OF OPERATION.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AS A GENERAL PANG, OF KINSHIP TO THIS WAY OF LIFE, ALSO GOT SPECIFIC, ABOUT WHAT I WAS SECURING IN THESE CURIOUS HOLE-IN-THE-WALL CORNER STORES. WITH MATES, WE SPENT LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY, AND INVESTED HUGE AMOUNTS OF TIME, BUYING AND ENJOYING THE MERCHANDISE WE WERE ABLE TO PURCHASE THERE. YOU KNOW, THE TREASURES FOUND IN LUCKY ELEPHANT PINK POPCORN, CRACKER JACKS, HOSTESS POTATO CHIPS, BURIED TREASURE ICE CREAM CONES, AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. THEN THERE WERE THE PACKAGES OF HOCKEY AND BASEBALL CARDS, WITH THE ROCK HARD, THIN CHEWING GUM. THERE WERE "MONSTER" CARDS WHEN I STARTED COLLECTING, ADDING TO MY SMALL COLLECTION OF "MUNSTER" CARDS, THE OFFSHOOT OF THE TELEVISION SHOW, AND OF COURSE "BEATLES" CARDS, OF WHICH I HAD STACKS AT ONE TIME. THIS WAS THE DAY, HOWEVER, WHEN CARDS WERE TOSSED AT SCHOOL, IN GAMES LIKE "CLOSEST TO THE WALL" WINNING THE LOT. I WAS GOOD AT THIS BUT THE CARDS WERE DESTROYED ON THE ASPHALT, AND CONCRETE SURFACES, WE SLID THEM ACROSS. THERE WERE ALSO COLLECTOR PICTURE COINS THAT CAME IN CHIP BAGS, THAT I REALLY LIKED. I'M NOT SURE OF THIS HOWEVER, THOUGH I DID GET THE JELLO PICTURE COINS AS WELL;…..CARS AND PLANES IF NOT MISTAKEN. I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THIS. I'M NOT SURE WHAT SHERIFF PUDDINGS OFFERED IN THEIR PACKS. MY FAVORITE COLLECTIBLE FROM THIS TIME, WERE THE PLASTIC WAR PLANES FOUND IN HOSTESS CHIPS. I HAD THE WHOLE COLLECTION AT ONE TIME, UNTIL MERLE DECIDED TO GIVE THEM TO SOME LOCAL KIDS WHEN I WENT OFF TO UNIVERSITY.

THE PERIOD WHEN COKE HAD THE SPECIAL EDITION CAPS WITH NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE PICTURES ON THEM, WAS A DANDY AS WELL……AND WE STILL HAVE A FEW FROM THOSE DAYS. OUR FAVORITE, AS A FAMILY, IS THE ONE OF ROGER CROZIER, THEN OF THE DETROIT RED WINGS. AS ALL US CURRIES WORKED WITH ROGER IN LATER YEARS, WITH HIS CHILDREN'S FOUNDATION, WE ACTUALLY FOUND OURSELVES VISITING SPORTS CARD SHOPS, TRYING TO BUY BACK WHAT I HAD AS A KID. ROGER WAS A HOMETOWN HERO, THAT'S FOR SURE, AND HAD A PARADE IN HIS HONOR, AFTER WINNING THE CONN SMYTHE TROPHY, IN THE 1966 STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS AGAINST MONTREAL. I REMEMBER HE WAS AWARDED A GOLD MUSTANG FOR HIS GOALTENDING PROWESS. SO WE COLLECTED EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING WITH HIS NAME ATTACHED. IN BRACEBRIDGE SPECIFICALLY, THIS ALSO GENERATED A HUGE INTEREST IN HOCKEY CARDS FOR THE REST OF THE 1960'S.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS PERIOD, AS BEING A BIG INFLUENCE ON MY ANTIQUE HUNTING CAREER. I KNOW IT WAS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I PUT THESE RECOLLECTIONS IN PRINT, AND FORCE MYSELF TO RE-LIVE THOSE EARLY HUSTLING TIMES IN MY LIFE, HOARDING "BOUGHT AND FOUND" STUFF INTO MY PARENTS SMALL APARTMENT. IT DID SORT OF BECOME AN OBSESSION, TO COLLECT, BECAUSE OF THIS OFTEN REPEATED ISSUE OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND. WE WERE CONVINCED, YOU SEE, THAT HOSTESS WAS GOING TO RUN OUT OF WAR PLANES, OR THAT THE PROMOTION WOULD END BEFORE OUR COLLECTION WAS FILLED. WE SUSPECTED THE HOCKEY PLAYER BOTTLE CAPS WERE ALSO BEING HOARDED BY OTHERS, RUINING OUR CHANCES OF GETTING A COMPLETE SET. THE SAME FOR HOCKEY CARDS, AND ALL THE CARDS WE COLLECTED, INCLUDING "THE MONKEES" I BELIEVE. IN FACT, IT WAS A BRILLIANT STRATEGY BY THESE COMPANIES, TO CREATE COLLECTORS OUT OF THIN AIR. I DID THE EXACT SAME THING WITH CEREAL BOXES. I HAD TO BUY HONEYCOMBS, WHEN THEY CAME OUT WITH A BRILLIANT COLLECTION OF WESTERN FIGURES, AND WAGONS, AND I'M PRETTY SURE, CUT-OUTS ON THE BACK OF THE BOXES, TO MAKE FORTS FOR THE CAVALRY TO DEFEND. THE CEREALS WERE EXPENSIVE, AND WE WERE BROKE MOST OF THE TIME, SO IT WAS A LOW PRIORITY ON GROCERY NIGHT, TO BUY ME HONEYCOMBS, WHEN CORN FLAKES WERE MUCH CHEAPER. I BEGGED A LOT IN THOSE DAYS.

SO TO GET MORE MONEY TO BUY MORE PRODUCTS CONTAINING BURIED TREASURE, WE WOULD HUSTLE-UP EMPTY POP BOTTLES FOR THE REFUND. ON SOME DAYS, WE COULD GATHER UP FIVE TO TEN BUCKS WORTH OF EMPTIES, AND THAT BOUGHT A LOT MORE PRODUCT. MY MOTHER THOUGHT I WAS STEALING MONEY FROM SOMEWHERE, AS SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE I COULD FIND SO MANY EMPTIES LAYING AROUND. HERE'S THE THING. THE LOCAL "JAMES DEAN" WANNABES, USED TO HANG AROUND THOSE SAME STORES, ESPECIALLY LIL & CEC'S, DRINKING POP AND EXCHANGING GIRL STORIES. WE'D WAIT TILL COOL AND THE GANG DEPOSITED THEIR POP BOTTLES IN THE TRASH. THEY WERE TOO COOL TO CASH THOSE BOTTLES IN FOR THE SMALL REFUND. SO THEY EITHER HANDED THEM TO US, WAITING ON THE STORE PORCH, OR TOSSED THEM IN THE GARBAGE….JUST TO MAKE US GET IN TO FISH THEM OUT. LOTS OF PEOPLE WOULD SIT IN THEIR CARS, AFTER COMING OUT OF THE SHOP, READ A LITTLE OF THE PAPER, AND FINISH A BOTTLE OF POP BEFORE DRIVING AWAY. I HAD LOTS OF FOLKS YELL AT ME, "HEY, CURRIE, WANT THIS POP BOTTLE." I'D HAVE JUMPED OVER THEIR CAR TO BEAT ONE OF MY BOTTLE COMPETITORS. I'D BE RIGHT BACK AT THE COUNTER, BUYING MORE TREATS WITH THAT LITTLE EXTRA INSIDE. YES, IT WAS BONKERS, AND I COULD HAVE BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH WHAT I SPENT ON TRADING CARDS, TOY PLANES, PICTURE COINS AND BURIED TREASURE THEME-STICKS, BUT I WAS DOING WHAT MADE ME HAPPY. AND THEN SPENDING A LOT OF TIME VISITING THE DENTIST…..WHO I THINK WHOLE-HEARTEDLY SUPPORTED MY EXCESSES.

SUZANNE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DISTRICT, GROWING UP IN WINDERMERE, ON LAKE ROSSEAU, HAD A BIG ADVANTAGE OVER ME. HER FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED THE WINDERMERE MARINA, AND "THE SKIPPER," THE SNACKBAR IN THE UPPER LEVEL OF THE LAKEFRONT BUILDING. THEY SOLD LUCKY ELEPHANT, AMONGST OTHER TREASURE FILLED MERCHANDISE, AND PATRONS USED TO DONATE THEIR PRIZES, TO ADD TO A LARGE DISPLAY OF FOUND OBJECTS ADORNING A CAFE SHELF. WHEN WE WROTE A SMALL BOOK ABOUT THE SKIPPER, IN THE LATE 1990'S, MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED THAT THIS WAS STILL A VIVID MEMORY TO THEM……THE FAMOUS LUCKY ELEPHANT PRIZE PARADE.

SUZANNE AND I BOTH HAVE SOFT SPOTS FOR THOSE DAYS, AND THE PLACES WE WORKED, SHOPPED, OR VISITED OCCASIONALLY, THAT DIDN'T SIMPLY INSPIRE US AS TODAY'S COLLECTORS, BUT MADE US APPRECIATE THE QUALITIES OF WHAT MAKES SOMETHING COLLECTIBLE…..SOMETHING PERSONAL AND MEMORABLE. FOR ME, COLLECTING STUFF WAS ALMOST SECOND NATURE, AND IT SEEMED TO DEVELOP LIKE A PIMPLE. ONE MOMENT IT ISN'T THERE, AND THE NEXT, IT'S PART OF WHO YOU ARE. I DIDN'T THINK OF IT, AS THE BEGINNINGS OF A LIFE-LONG PROFESSION. I WROTE ABOUT IT LOTS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAD A COLUMN IN A PUBLICATION KNOWN AS THE MUSKOKA ADVANCE, BACK IN THE 1990'S. I DID A COLUMN ABOUT MY OWN YOUTH, GROWING UP IN BRACEBRIDGE, WHERE I DEVOTED MANY COLUMNS TO THOSE WONDERFUL CORNER STORES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD…….WHERE TRUTHFULLY, I CUT MY TEETH AS A FLEDGLING COLLECTOR. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW SERIOUS IT WAS GOING TO BECOME. I CAN TRACE A LOT MORE INTERESTS IN ANTIQUES AND COLLECTIBLES, BACK TO THOSE EARLY DAYS, STUDYING THE CORNER STORES, AND THE INVENTORY THEY USED TO STOCK. I PARTICULARLY HAVE AFFECTION FOR THE ADVERTISING SIGNS AND DISPLAYS, FROM GUM RACKS (WE HAVE A COUPLE), TO THOSE CARDBOARD BACKDROPS SENT BY COKE AND PEPSI FOR THE CHRISTMAS PERIOD. THERE WAS A CULTURE WITHIN THOSE SHOPS, WHERE SMALL WAS GOOD, AND IT WAS GOOD TO BE SMALL……AND WE WERE VERY SATISFIED SMALL CUSTOMERS.

LIKE I NOTED EARLIER IN THIS COLUMN, MY MOTHER DECIDED TO GIVE A LOT OF MY COLLECTIBLES AWAY, WHEN I REGISTERED FOR UNIVERSITY. THERE WAS AN ELDERLY WOMAN, WHO LIVED NEAR THE STORE, WHO HAD TAKEN IN TWO GRANDCHILDREN DUE TO DOMESTIC PROBLEMS. THE KIDS ADMITTEDLY HAD LITTLE TO PLAY WITH…..AND AS MY MOTHER USED TO SAY, "YOU'VE GOT WAY TO MUCH, AND YOU NEVER PLAY WITH IT ANYMORE." MERLE USED THAT ARGUMENT THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD, WHENEVER SHE PLANNED A TOY CULL. THAT MEANT I HAD TO HIDE MY "A" QUALITY MATERIAL. ON THIS OCCASION, I WAS AWAY AT THE TIME, AND WHEN I ARRIVED BACK HOME, MY FAVORITE TOY…..GAME, WAS GONE. MY MUNRO TABLETOP HOCKEY GAME. SHE GAVE IT TO THE KIDS, ALONG WITH BAGS OF MY CORNER-STORE NOSTALGIA. I WAS FURIOUS. WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE ASKED FIRST? ONE DAY, A SHORT WHILE LATER, WHILE ON MY WAY TO GRAB A COLD BOTTLE OF POP AT THE CORNER STORE, THE GRANDMOTHER CAME OFF HER PORCH TO MEET ME…….TO THANK ME FOR HELPING OUT HER GRANDSONS, WHO HAD LEFT THEIR PARENTS HOME WITHOUT MUCH MORE THAN A CHANGE OF CLOTHES. ALL OF A SUDDEN, WHAT HAD BEEN A GRIEVANCE WITH MY MOTHER, BECAME AN ACT OF BENEVOLENCE. I'D BEEN GIVEN TOYS IN MY TIME AS WELL, SEEING AS WE WEREN'T ALL THAT WELL OFF OURSELVES. I WENT FROM FEELING ANGRY, TO BEING QUITE CONTENT, THAT WHAT I HAD COLLECTED IN MY YOUTH, WAS GOING TO BENEFIT THE ASPIRATIONS OF TWO YOUNG FELLOWS, WITH A LOT OF DISCOVERY TIME YET TO COME. THIS PROBABLY DID MORE FOR ME, AS A HUMAN BEING, THAN ANYTHING ELSE, BECAUSE OUR WHOLE FAMILY HAS BEEN WORKING WITH CHARITIES EVER SINCE, HELPING THE LESS FORTUNATE…….AND FEELING VERY GOOD ABOUT SHARING WHAT WE HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO ATTAIN IN OUR LIVES.

I ADMIT HOWEVER, I WOULD LIKE TO GET A CIRCA 1967 TO 69 MUNRO HOCKEY GAME, WITH THE EXPANSION TEAMS, TO PLAY IN MY RETIREMENT. IT WAS A FANTASTIC, DURABLE, HIGHLY ENTERTAINING GAME, THAT THE HUNTS HILL LADS PLAYED OVER AND OVER, IN SOME INCREDIBLE PLAYOFF HOCKEY. I WAS KNOWN AS A TABLE TOP HOCKEY "SHARK." CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? MY MATES OUTSIDE OF CALLING ME DORK, JACKASS, DROOPY DRAWERS, AND PATCHES, BELIEVED ME TO BE A "HOCKEY SHARK." THE ONLY DISADVANTAGE OF ATTAINING THIS LEVEL OF ACHIEVEMENT, WAS THAT NO ONE WOULD PLAY ME ANY MORE. IT'S JUST THE NATURE OF A SHARK TO PLAY ROUGH. THAT'S WHY MERLE GAVE IT AWAY. OH WELL, I BET THOSE KIDS HAD A BLAST. I'D LOVE TO HAVE ONE TO PLAY OUR BOYS, ANDREW AND ROBERT……UNTIL, OF COURSE, THEY TOO RECOGNIZE "THE SHARK" RESIDING COYLY, IN OLD DAD'S CLOTHING.

THANKS FOR JOINING TODAY'S BLOG. MORE ON THE WAY.

Antique Props to Movie Sets and Interior Decorators

ANTIQUE SHOP HAD ITS MOMENTS - JUST NOT SO MANY

GOOD CUSTOMERS, GOOD CONVERSATION, AND SOME GOOD YEARS

I COULD NEVER DENY THAT WE HAD SOME VERY POSITIVE, HAPPY TIMES, WORKING AT OUR LITTLE ANTIQUE SHOP, IN BRACEBRIDGE, ONTARIO. IT IS TRUE THAT SOME UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES AND NASTY CUSTOMERS DID MUDDY THE WATER, THEN, AND NOW IN THIS SO-PERSONAL RETROSPECTIVE. AS I'VE SAID BEFORE, EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE MANY MORE GOOD AND FRIENDLY CUSTOMERS, THAN KNOBS, EVEN THE THOUGHT OF JUST HAVING THOSE FEW FLIES IN THE OLD OINTMENT, SOURED ME ON THE WHOLE STORE CONCEPT. I CAN HANDLE A PARTNERSHIP, AS WITH OUR BOYS MUSIC SHOP, BUT NO MORE SOLO ACTS. I LIKE THE BUSINESS TOO MUCH, TO CHANGE HOW WE ARE WORKING TOWARD OUR RETIREMENT RELATIONSHIP WITH ANTIQUES.

IN FAIRNESS, THAT STORE GOT US OVER A LONG, LONG ROUGH PATCH, AS A PLACE TO SELL THINGS FROM, THAT IN REALITY, HELPED US REGAIN OUR FINANCIAL FOOTING. JUST BEFORE WE OFFICIALLY CLOSED THE STORE, WHEN I ACCEPTED AN ASSIGNMENT WITH THE CROZIER FOUNDATION OF MUSKOKA, I DID OFFER A HUMBLE APOLOGY ABOUT BALING ON A FRIEND. THE STORE HAD BEEN MY SOUL-MATE FOR THAT HALF DECADE, WHEN I'D TALK TO MYSELF (LIKE HOW THE HELL I GOT INTO THIS MESS) ABOUT THINGS LIKE THE ECONOMY, LOCAL POLITICS, HYDRO BILLS, WATER RATES, TAXES AND SUNDRY OTHER THINGS THAT ANNOYED ME. I CREDITED THAT BASEMENT SHOP, FOR GIVING ME A PLACE TO ESCAPE, INTO WHAT WAS MY DREAM BUSINESS/HOBBY, AFTER I LEFT THE NEWSPAPER BUSINESS IN THE SUMMER OF 1990. I'M PRETTY SURE MY GHOST IS STILL SITTING IN THEIR, WAITING FOR MY BODY TO COME BACK AND CLAIM IT. THE STORE WAS A GOOD LISTENER AND THERE WAS NO ECHO. JUST COMPASSION.

THERE WERE MANY CUSTOMERS I LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING, BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T IMPOSING, OR PARTICULARLY DEMANDING. THEY CAME FROM A WIDE VARIETY OF PROFESSIONS AND BACKGROUNDS, CULTURES, AND PERSONAL / BUSINESS ECONOMIES. I USED TO DEAL WITH A SMALL BUT SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF INTERIOR DECORATORS, WHO WERE ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO TALK WITH, AND HELP ADVISE. I CAN REMEMBER A CHARMING WOMAN, WHO WAS A CITY BASED INTERIOR DESIGNER, WHO HAD COME TO SEE ME, WHILE VACATIONING AT HER MUSKOKA LAKES COTTAGE. WE HAD A WEE CHAT WHEN SHE CAME IN, AND THEN SHE JUST WANDERED ABOUT, OCCASIONALLY YELLING BACK AT ME A QUESTION, OR TO MAKE A GENERAL COMMENT ON THE NEWS OF THE DAY. SHE CAME UP TO THE DESK WITH A BEAUTIFUL ZITHER (MUSICAL INSTRUMENT LIKE AN AUTO-HARP), AND WAS JUST ECSTATIC SHE HAD FOUND THE PERFECT DECORATOR PIECE FOR A JOB SHE WAS DOING IN TORONTO. SHE BOUGHT ABOUT A DOZEN OTHER ANTIQUES THAT DAY, AND WHEN SHE WAS PAID UP, AND ALL THE ITEMS PACKAGED AND READY TO BE LIFTED INTO HER CAR, SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU, HOW MUCH I ENJOY VISITING YOUR SHOP. YOU'VE GOT SOME REALLY NEAT PIECES, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAD THAT ZITHER. A CUSTOMER HAS WANTED ONE OF THOSE FOR AGES, AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND ONE AS SMALL AS THIS, PERFECT FOR HANGING."

OF COURSE, THIS IS WHEN THE ANTIQUE DEALER INHALES BUT CAN'T EXHALE UNTIL THE REST OF THE EXPLANATION IS MADE. "BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MY CLIENT WANTS IT PAINTED WHITE AND HUNG ABOVE HER STEINWAY," SHE ADDED. "BLASPHEMY. HERETIC. OUT OF ORDER, OUT OF ORDER," IS PLAYING IN MY HEAD, BUT NOT LEAVING MY TIGHT LIPS. YOU SEE, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE FOUR HOURS I STOOD IN THE HOT SUN, TO PURCHASE THAT SAME ZITHER. I'D HAVE HAD LESS OF A HICCUP IF SHE HAD SAID THE STEINWAY WAS GOING TO BE PAINTED WHITE, AND THE ZITHER…..WELL, IT IS A WORK OF ART. NO DEALER ON EARTH WANTS TO HEAR THAT A PIECE OF THE SHOP COLLECTION, IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED, SO THAT SOMEONE WILL HAVE A NICE WHITE "WHATEVER" OVER THE GRAND PIANO. DESPITE WANTING TO EARN A LIVING, AND SELLING THINGS HELPS ACHIEVE THAT END, WE STILL GET A LITTLE CHOKED-UP, WHEN WE RECALL THE MOMENT A PIECE WAS ACQUIRED….AND WHAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH TOGETHER UNTIL THE FINANCIAL TRANSACTION THAT DRIVES US APART. WHY SHOULD I CARE IF THE ZITHER IS PAINTED WITH A WHITE ENAMEL? I WAS PAID FOR THE PIECE. MADE THE PROFIT I WANTED. SHOULDN'T I HAVE BEEN DELIGHTED TO KNOW THAT SOMETHING I PURCHASED, AT A MUSKOKA AUCTION, WAS GOING TO ADORN A BRIDAL PATH PARLOR, AND BE THE PREFERRED MATE OF A STEINWAY? HELL NO. I WAS FREAKING DEVASTATED. BUT I ALSO KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP, TAKE THE FOLDING MONEY, AND WHISTLE WHILE ON THE WAY TO THE BANK. I HELPED HER LOAD THE ITEMS IN HER CAR, THANKED HER FOR SHOPPING AT BIRCH HOLLOW ONCE AGAIN, AND WE SHOOK HANDS ON A GOOD BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT. THEN I GRUMBLED ALL AFTERNOON. WE JUST DON'T DO STUFF LIKE THAT, AT LEAST US ANTIQUE TRADITIONALISTS. TO ME, IT WOULD BE THE SAME AS BUYING A NICELY PRESERVED 1967 MUSTANG, AND INSTEAD OF ITS ORIGINAL RED FINISH, PAINTING IT GREEN BECAUSE IT MATCHES THE TRIM ON THE GARAGE.

ON ANOTHER OCCASION, SUZANNE WAS HAVING A NICE VISIT WITH AN ANTIQUE DEALER, WHO WAS ATTENDING A LOCAL SHOW. IT WAS A GENERAL CONVERSATION ABOUT ANTIQUES AND THE FUN VISITING MUSKOKA EACH YEAR TO ATTEND THESE WEEKEND SALES. HE BOUGHT A FEW ITEMS, INCLUDING A SMALLER PINE TABLE. NOW HE WAS A NICE GUY, AND I CERTAINLY DON'T THINK HE WAS BEING PURPOSELY RUDE, ALTHOUGH SUZANNE AND SOME OTHER CUSTOMERS AT THE TIME, DID FIND IT A LITTLE INTRUSIVE. HE ASKED IF WE HAD A HAMMER IN THE SHOP HE COULD BORROW. YOU'RE GETTING THE PICTURE, RIGHT? UPON GIVING THE GENTLEMAN THE TOOL, HE WENT OVER TO THE TABLE HE HAD JUST PURCHASED, PUT THE ITEMS ON TOP, DOWN ON TO THE RUG, TURNED THE PIECE UPSIDE DOWN, AND COMMENCED, RIGHT THERE, SMASHING THE LEGS OFF THE TOP. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE BIRCH HOLLOW MOMENTS I'VE BEEN WRITING ABOUT. SUZANNE WAS SPEECHLESS. HE WHACKED THE FOUR SPINDLE LEGS OFF THE TOP, HANDED BACK THE HAMMER, TUCKED THE PARTS UNDER HIS ARM AND BID HER FAREWELL. HE CAME BACK, SAID "I'M SORRY MAM. I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU BACK YOUR TABLE TOP," HE SAID, PROPPING THE WOOD AGAINST THE COUNTER, BEFORE LEAVING ONCE MORE. DID YOU THINK HE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE OLD PINE TOP? WHEN SUZANNE WAS EXPLAINING THIS TO ME LATER, I ASSUMED HE WAS JUST BRINGING IT DOWN IN ORDER TO PACK HIS VEHICLE MORE EFFICIENTLY. SO THERE IT WAS. A PINE TABLE TOP WITH NO LEGS. HE WAS A NICE GUY. JUST KIND OF A TOOL WHEN IT COMES TO FINESS.

ANOTHER GENT, HAD A FASCINATION WITH AN ASIAN PAINTING ON SILK WE HAD, THAT WAS IN A HUGE, CUMBERSOME FRAME WITH GLASS. I WAS AWAY WHEN THE CUSTOMER CAME IN, WHO HAD PHONED US EARLIER IN THE DAY, ASKING IF WE STILL HAD IT IN THE SHOP. I HAD TALKED TO HIM ON THE WEEKEND BEFORE, AND SUSPECTED HE MIGHT STILL BE INTERESTED IN THE ART PIECE. SO SUZANNE WENT IN A LITTLE EARLIER THAT MORNING, TO CLEAN THE GLASS, AND FRAME, AND PLACE IT IN PART OF THE SHOP WHERE THERE WAS A BETTER LIGHT. WE ARE REAL FUSSY ABOUT OUR ART PIECES TO THIS DAY, AND ALWAYS PAY STRICT ATTENTION TO THE SECURITY OF FRAMING, ESPECIALLY IF IT HAS A LARGE PANE OF GLASS. THE CUSTOMER CAME IN, AND WENT DIRECTLY TO THE SILK PAINTING. WE HAD PUT A SIGN ON THE FRAME, IN ADVANCE, THAT IT WAS "ON HOLD," UNTIL HE DECIDED WHETHER HE WANTED IT OR NOT. HE CAME AROUND THE CORNER TO TALK WITH SUZANNE, AND OUTSIDE OF THE TRADITIONAL STAND-OFF FOR A BETTER PRICE, IT WAS A VERY FRIENDLY SITUATION. BUT HE WAS ONE OF THOSE CUSTOMERS, WHO JUST ISN'T GOING TO RUSH ANYTHING THROUGH, AND OVER ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES OR SO, HE WOULD PICK IT UP BY THE FRAME, AND MOVE IT TO A DIFFERENT LOCATION, HE THOUGHT HAD A BETTER SOURCE OF ILLUMINATION. SUZANNE WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE WAY HE WAS PICKING IT UP TO MOVE. WE MOVE SUCH HEAVY FRAMED ART WORK BY THE WIRE HANGER, NOT THE UPPER FRAMING. SO AS HE MADE YET ANOTHER SHIFT OF THE ART WORK, FOR A BETTER LOOK, THE FRAMING JUST SEPARATED, TOP FIRST. WHILE THEY BOTH TRIED TO STOP THE GLASS FROM POPPING OUT OF THE FRAMING, IT WAS TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING MORE THAN PROTECT HUMAN FLESH FROM THE SOON-TO-BE SHARDS FLYING EVERYWHERE. SUZANNE GOT SEVERAL SUBSTANTIAL CUTS AND THE SILK ART WORK, FELL OUT AS DELICATELY AS AN AUTUMN FLOWER PETAL HITS THE GARDEN EARTH. IT WAS SPARED BEING SLICED AND DICED BECAUSE THE GLASS FELL AWAY FROM THE INTERIOR.

THE CUSTOMER OFFERED TO PAY FOR IT, THEN AND THERE, AS HE HELPED SUZANNE WRAP HER INJURED HAND. HE WAS VERY CONSIDERATE, AND ASSISTED WITH THE GLASS CLEAN-UP IN THE SHOP. THERE HAD BEEN OTHER CUSTOMERS STANDING NEARBY AT THE TIME, BUT FORTUNATELY THERE HADN'T BEEN ANY COLLATERAL DAMAGE. STRANGE THING THOUGH. THE CUSTOMER ACTUALLY LIKED THE SILK ART-WORK BETTER OUT OF THE FRAME, THAN WHEN IT WAS BEHIND THE NON-GLARE GLASS. WHILE HE DIDN'T BUY IT, ON THAT OCCASION, HE DID ARRIVE TWO WEEKS LATER, AND PURCHASED THE PIECE WITHOUT NECESSITY OF RE-FRAMING. THE ONLY DISCOUNT WAS WHAT WE WERE GOING TO GIVE HIM BEFORE THE FRAME WAS DESTROYED. IT HAD BEEN A CONSIGNMENT PIECE. WE JUST SACRIFICED OUR COMMISSION, BECAUSE AFTER ALL, WE HAD BEEN THE STEWARDS OF THE INVENTORY…..WHERE THE MISHAP OCCURRED. BUT THAT SAME GENTLEMAN, CONTINUED TO COME INTO OUR STORE FOR YEARS AFTER THIS MISADVENTURE, AND ALWAYS MADE A SIGNIFICANT PURCHASE.

THE MOST FUN I HAD AT BIRCH HOLLOW, WAS WHEN A MOVIE PRODUCTION CREW SHOWED UP, ON AN OTHERWISE BORING SATURDAY AFTERNOON, TO LOOK FOR PROPS THEY NEEDED, FOR A SUMMER CAMP MOVIE, BEING MADE ON ALGONQUIN PARK'S TEA LAKE. THE FOUR OF THEM, IN THE PROP DEPARTMENT, WERE ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE OF THE HUNT, WORKING OFF A LIST THEY HAD, ABOUT STATIC ITEMS TO ADORN THE WELL KNOWN SUMMER CAMP. I HAD A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT THEIR WORK, COMING UP WITH SIGNIFICANT PROP ITEMS FOR MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF FILMS, THEY'D WORKED ON IN THE PAST, AND HOW THEY OFTEN HAVE TO VISIT HUNDREDS OF SHOPS LIKE MINE, TO FIND THESE SMALL DECORATOR PIECES, FROM QUILTS, BLANKETS, TO OLD JACKETS, HATS, VINTAGE TOYS THAT WERE EITHER HUNG OR STREWN ABOUT TO ENHANCE THE MOOD OF THE PARTICULAR SHOT. I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MY OWN BUSINESS, FROM THOSE ENTHUSIASTIC PROP PICKERS, WHO BESTOWED GREAT CREDIT ON MY OWN ANTIQUE SELECTIONS. THEY SPENT CLOSE TO FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS THAT AFTERNOON, AND CLEANED ME OUT OF A LOT OF INTERESTING PIECES……SOME THAT I CLEARLY SAW WHEN WE ACTUALLY WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE. THEY WERE FRIENDLY, CONSIDERATE, AND WILLING TO SHARE SOME INSIDE INFORMATION, ABOUT THE HUGE WORK-ORDER, GATHERING MOVIE PROPS….ESPECIALLY SMALLER ONES LIKE I HAD IN STOCK, THAT WERE PRICED AFFORDABLY. YES, IT WAS ON OCCASIONS LIKE THIS, I REALLY ENJOYED BEING UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH MY CUSTOMERS. THIS HAD BEEN A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, AND INSTEAD OF BEING PISSED OFF BY A CUSTOMER'S ACTIONS, I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO LEAVE WITHOUT ME. I LOVE ALGONQUIN PARK. I WOULD HAVE GLADLY OFFERED MYSELF AS A PROP FOR FREE. I COULD HAVE DONNED THE MACKINAW COAT, AND PLAYED THE ECCENTRIC….POSSIBLY DEMENTED WOODSMAN HERMIT, OR THE CRAZED AXEMAN. OH YEA, IT WAS A COMEDY. I CAN DO THAT TOO!

THE MOVIE, BY THE WAY, WAS "INDIAN SUMMER," STARRING DIANE LANE AND ALAN ARKIN (AS UNCLE LOU). THE CAMP THEY WERE FILMING AT WAS, TAMAKWA, ON TEA LAKE.

I HAD THE GENERAL ADVANTAGE OF MEETING MANY UNIVERSITY PROFESSORS, WHO LIKED TO POKE THROUGH MY OLD BOOKS, AND LECTURE ME ABOUT STUFF…..WHICH WAS OKAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY A TUITION FIRST. I CHATTED WITH MANY PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS (I ALWAYS HAD A SELECTION OF OLD CAMERA GEAR), WOOD WORKERS, AND EVEN STEAM ENGINE SPECIALISTS, WHO WORKED ON GRAVENHURST'S WELL KNOWN "R.M.S. SEGWUN" AND THE "WANDA" THE RESTORED STEAM YACHT THAT ONCE BELONGED TO THE EATON FAMILY. I HAD AN ARRAY OF HISTORIANS, REGIONAL, CANADIAN AND MILITARY, AND A FEW CELEBRITIES I VOWED ALWAYS TO PROTECT. THESE WERE GREAT MOMENTS IN A SIMPLE, NO-FRILLS ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE SHOP ON THE MAIN STREET OF BRACEBRIDGE, ONTARIO. I HAD ANOTHER FRIEND CONNECTED TO THE FUNERARY ENTERPRISE, AND SHE SAID SHE'D GET ME A HORSE DRAWN HEARSE IF I REALLY WANTED ONE……AND I DID, BUT MY MARRIAGE CAME FIRST. I THINK SUZANNE WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY WITH THE HEARSE IN THE DRIVEWAY BUT NOT THE TEAM OF HORSES I'D NEED TO PULL IT. WHAT AN IMPRESSIVE ANTIQUE-HAULING OUTFIT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN, TO MAKE MY HUNTING ROUNDS, EVERY WEEKEND DURING YARD SALE SEASON. I'M A SHOWMAN FIRST, ANTIQUE DEALER SECOND. A WRITER, WELL, I GUESS THIRD WILL HAVE TO DO!

IT WASN'T A GREAT DAY OUT ON THE ANTIQUE HUSTINGS BUT I DID COME BACK WITH A WONDERFUL VINTAGE PRINT FROM A WELL KNOWN NOTTINGHAM, ENGLAND PRINTER, IN A NICE ORIGINAL FRAME. IT IS ENTITLED "THE HILLS OF BONNIE SCOTLAND," BY WELL KNOWN ARTIST / ILLUSTRATOR, F.W. HAYES, FROM THE LATE 1800'S, WE BELIEVE, ON INITIAL RESEARCH (NOT CONCLUSIVE HOWEVER). IT WAS PRINTED BY THOMAS FORMAN & SONS OF NOTTINGHAM, ENGLAND….A PLACE I HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF, DURING A TRIP IN THE MID 1970'S. HAYES WORK IS FEATURED IN MANY ADVERTISEMENTS OF THE DAY, AND WAS FEATURED ON HUNDREDS OF POST CARDS……MANY STILL BEING SOUGHT AFTER IN ONLINE AUCTIONS. THIS IS A NICE FULL COLOR PRINT AND IS IN GOOD OVERALL CONDITION. MY COST WAS $12.00. IT COULD RETAIL FOR UPWARDS OF $75.00 PLUS, DEPENDING ON PARALLEL AUCTION SALE RESULTS. THERE ARE MANY ART PRINT COLLECTORS WHO ADMIRE THE WORK THAT GENERATED FROM THAT FAMOUS NOTTINGHAM PRINTER. IT'S A "BONNIE" PRINT FOR A "BONNIE" HOUSEHOLD. I'M GOING TO HANG THIS IN MY OFFICE. SUZANNE IS DOING EXTENSIVE FAMILY HISTORY PRESENTLY, IN PREPARATION FOR HER FUTURE BLOG, DETAILING OUR RESPECTIVE FAMILY TREES, THANKS TO THE MATERIAL AND CONNECTIONS (NETWORKING OF OTHER RESEARCHERS) OF ANCESTRY.CA. I ALWAYS KNEW SHE HAD SOME SCOTTISH BLOOD IN HER…..ESPECIALLY THE TIME SHE WOULDN'T GIVE ME A QUARTER TO GET ACCESS TO A PAY-TOILET STALL, SUGGESTING INSTEAD, "AYE, YOU CAN DO THE LIMBO WEE LADDIE." I SWEAR, AT THAT MOMENT, I HEARD THE EERIE SKIRL OF A DISTANT BAGPIPE. THE PICTURE, HUNG ABOVE THE COMPUTER TABLE, WILL TAKE HER TO THE OLD COUNTRY….THE SMELL OF HEATHER IN THE AIR, AND KNOWLEDGE SHE STILL HAS THE FIRST DOLLAR SHE EVER MADE. AYE, INDEED! WHAT A THOUGHTFUL ANTIQUE DEALER HUSBAND I AM!

IN OUR WEEKLY SEARCH FOR CANADIAN SYMBOLS, ON A HOST OF ANTIQUE AND COLLECTIBLE ITEMS, IT WAS ALMOST A BUST TODAY, IF I HADN'T STUMBLED UPON A "MADE IN CANADA," MAPLE LEAF "SOUVENIR SPOON" RACK, TO GO WITH THE MAPLE LEAF SPOONS WE GOT A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. ALL ITEMS WERE FOUND LOCALLY. SOME AT THE RE-STORE, IN GRAVENHURST (BEACH ROAD), AND THE RACK, AT THE SALVATION ARMY THRIFT SHOP, IN BRACEBRIDGE. WE'RE NOT GOING OUTSIDE OF OUR REGION TO BUY THESE NATIONAL SYMBOL PIECES….WHICH INCLUDE ONLY ITEMS WITH THE IMAGE OF THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE, THE MAPLE LEAF, AND THE GOOD OLD BEAVER. WE'VE GOT LOTS OF TIME TO LIVE UP TO OUR BOASTING, AND MANY ENJOYABLE MILES TO TRAVEL IN THIS BEAUTIFUL DISTRICT OF MUSKOKA.

THANKS FOR JOINING TODAY'S BLOG. MUCH MORE TOMORROW. "HOW I INVESTED MY YOUNG LIFE, AND OH SO MUCH MONEY, AT LIL & CEC'S CORNER STORE, IN BRACEBRIDGE, WITH FRIENDS CRACKER JACK AND A LUCKY ELEPHANT.

Antiques and Those Who Swipe Them

CREATIVE ACTIONS AND COMPELLING REACTIONS IN ANTIQUE SHOP ADVENTURES

PRICE TAG FLICKERS, SELLING HOT STUFF AND SHOPLIFTER SHENNANIGANS-

WHEN I WAS ENTRUSTED BY MY WIFE, TO RUN OUR BRACEBRIDGE ANTIQUE SHOP ON MY OWN, I WOULD FREQUENTLY TAKE EXCEPTION TO HER INCESSANT WORRYING THAT I COULDN'T HANDLE IT. HECK, I'D BEEN IN THE ANTIQUE TRADE FOR MORE THAN A DECADE BY THAT POINT. OF COURSE I KNEW I COULDN'T HANDLE IT, BUT I CERTAINLY WASN'T GOING TO SHOW THOSE CARDS. AS I MENTIONED EARLIER IN THIS SERIES OF ANTIQUE BLOGS, I WAS A GOOD HUNTER-GATHERER, BUT SUB-PAR AS THE SELLER OF ANTIQUES.

I'D JUST WALKED AWAY FROM TWO JOBS, AND LOST ANOTHER, DUE TO THE RECESSION OF THE LATE 1980'S, SO IT WAS PUT-UP, OR CLOSE-UP SHOP. COULDN'T HAVE BEEN CLEARER THAN THAT! MY PRIMARY JOB WAS AS "MR. MOM" FOR OUR TWO LADS, AND THE SECOND DAILY RESPONSIBILITY WAS TRYING, AGAINST THE ODDS OF A SEASONAL ECONOMY, TO MAKE MONEY FROM SEPTEMBER TO JUNE. SUZANNE WAS THE PRIMARY SALES PERSON DURING THE SUMMER SEASON, WHILE I KEPT THE KIDS BUSY. SEEING AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG KID, WE FOUND LOTS TO KEEP US OCCUPIED. WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME MOTORING ABOUT THE TOWN ON THE SANTA'S VILLAGE TROLLEY. AND PLAYING ON THE SWINGS AT WILLIAMS PARK.

RUNNING THE SHOP ON MY OWN, EVENTUALLY WORKED OUT OKAY. IT TOOK ABOUT SIX MONTHS BEFORE I GOT THE HANG OF IT, AND SOMEWHAT FIGURED OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH STICKY SITUATIONS THAT DEMANDED TOP NOTCH PUBLIC RELATIONS CAPABILITIES. DID I MENTION PROBLEM-SOLVING MOXY? ONE AFTERNOON, A MOTHER WITH HER YOUNG SON, CAME INTO THE SHOP LOOKING FOR A SELECTION OF VINTAGE KIDS' BOOKS. THEY SPENT ABOUT A HALF HOUR GOING THROUGH THE BOXES OF BOOKS I'D JUST BROUGHT TO THE SHOP THAT MORNING. NOW BEING A NEW PARENT AS WELL, I ENJOYED CHATTING WITH THE YOUNG LADY, AND IT WAS A LOW-TENSION SITUATION THAT I LIKED. SOME CUSTOMERS REMINDED ME OF THE WHIRLING DERVISH, THE WAY THEY BOUNCED AROUND IN THE TIGHT SPACES, AND NARROW PATHWAYS BETWEEN BOOK SHELVES, CREATING A TENSE ATMOSPHERE FROM THE GET-GO. SO AFTER AWHILE, THE LADY COMES OVER TO THE COUNTER, AND ASKS IF I HAVE A COUPLE OF KLEENEX FOR HER SON. WITH OUR OWN LADS, WE ALWAYS KEPT A GOOD SUPPLY BEHIND THE COUNTER. SHE CAME BACK TO THE COUNTER WITH THE USED KLEENEX, EXTENDING THEM TO ME FOR DISPOSAL. OKAY, I THOUGHT. I'LL HANDLE THEM WITH GREAT CARE AND THEN WASH MY HANDS. AFTER HANDING IT TO ME, SHE JUST STARED, MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT AN INCIDENT HAVING JUST OCCURRED, BUT NOTHING I COULD RELATE TO WHAT REQUIRED THE KLEENEX.

SHE CLEARED HER THROAT, COUGHED, ADJUSTED HER NYLON JACKET, AND SAID, "BE CAREFUL WITH THE KLEENEX. IT'S FULL OF PEE." YOU KNOW, IF IT HAD ALL OF A SUDDEN BURST INTO FLAMES, IN MY HAND, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT TO DO WITH THAT KLEENEX. SO LIKE HER, I JUST STARED AT IT, BALANCED ON THE TIP OF MY OUTSTRETCHED FINGERS, AND WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS THE LIQUID OVERLOAD DRIPPED ONTO MY NEWSPAPER. I HADN'T FINISHED READING IT YET, BY THE WAY. "I'M SORRY SIR. I WASN'T WATCHING HIM, AND HE DECIDED TO HAVE A PEE IN THE CORNER," SHE ADDED TO OUR LIGHT CONVERSATION. "CORNER? WHAT CORNER WOULD THAT BE," I ASKED, IN A PANIC BECAUSE OF THE OLD QUILTS SUZANNE HAD ON DISPLAY IN TWO OF FOUR CORNERS IN THAT STORE. "RIGHT OVER THERE," SHE POINTED. "OH, THAT'S JUST WHERE I HAVE MY OLD BOOKS. THAT'S ALL RIGHT," I SAID, STILL HOLDING THE DRIPPING KLEENEX.

I FOUND A CONTAINER WITH A LID UNDER THE COUNTER TO DISPOSE OF THE KLEENEX, PULLED OUT THE SANITARY WIPES WE STORED FOR PARALLEL ACCIDENTS, AND WROTE UP AN INVOICE FOR THE BOOKS SHE WAS PURCHASING. I JUST DIDN'T HAVE A LOT TO SAY, SO THERE WAS AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE. I WANTED TO TELL HER ABOUT THE WASHROOM SHE COULD HAVE USED, IF SHE'D JUST ASKED. AT THE TIME HOWEVER, I WAS A LITTLE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE POOL OF URINE CONTAMINATING MY BOOK NOOK. ON THE WAY OUT OF THE STORE, "SHE DID OFFER WHAT I BELIEVE WAS A SINCERE APOLOGY FOR LITTLE BILLY'S PEEING EPISODE. "STUFF HAPPENS LADY," I SAID. 'I'M A PARENT TOO." ON THE WAY AROUND THE CORNER, I SWEAR THAT LITTLE BUGGER PULLED A FACE ON ME, AS IF TO SAY, "HEY BUDDY, I REALLY ENJOYED PISSING ALL OVER YOUR BOOKS." WELL, THAT LITTLE DICKENS HAD CONTAMINATED AT LEAST TEN BOOKS ON A BOTTOM SHELF, AND A SECTION OF CARPET THAT REQUIRED ME TO MOVE ABOUT THREE HUNDRED BOOKS, AND A HEAVY SHELF TO CLEAN PROPERLY. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY. SELLING HER TWENTY DOLLARS WORTH OF BOOKS, DIDN'T MATCH THE SIXTY DOLLARS WORTH, COVERED IN URINE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO SUZANNE, WHEN SHE CAME OVER TO THE STORE AFTER WORK (AT THE LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL). "SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY TED," SHE ASKED, TAKING OFF HER COAT AND SETTLING INTO ONE OF THE WOODEN CHAIRS BEHIND THE COUNTER. "AND WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE URINE IN HERE?" I SAID IT WAS PROBABLY THE SMELL OF MUST FROM A STORAGE CLOSET I'D JUST OPENED, AND PRETTY MUCH SWALLOWED THE INCIDENT, SO AS NOT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO MY GENERAL INCOMPETENCE RUNNING THE SHOP. IF I TOLD HER THE STORY, SHE WOULD HAVE HAD TO REMIND ME,THAT I SHOULD HAVE MADE A PREAMBLE ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE WOMAN, ABOUT THE WHEREABOUTS IN THE BUILDING OF A SUITABLE WASHROOM, FOR HER CHARMING SON. I MADE IT THE NEW STORE POLICY, TO MAKE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE VERY NEXT MOTHER OR FATHER AND CHILD TO CROSS THAT STORE THRESHOLD. THE FACT SHE COULD STILL SMELL PEE BOTHERED ME A LOT, SO I HAD TO CLEAN THE SAME AREA AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING. I SUPPOSE IT WAS GOOD THAT THE LADY CLEARLY IDENTIFIED, THAT HER CHILD HAD URINATED IN MY STORE, ALTHOUGH SHE DIDN'T MENTION DOING SO ON THE BOOKS. I JUST CAN'T FORGET THE LOOK THE KID SHOT BACK AT ME. I WONDER IF HE PISSED IN ALL THE STORES HE VISITED.

ON ANOTHER MORE SIGNIFICANT OCCASION, I EXPERIENCED "DISTRACTION THEFT," IN ALL ITS GLORY. IT WAS IN THE EARLY AFTERNOON IN ABOUT FEBRUARY, AND SUZANNE HAD GONE BACK TO SCHOOL, AFTER HAVING LUNCH AT THE SHOP. THREE YOUNG PEOPLE CAME DOWN STAIRS, TWO SEVENTEEN YEAR OLDS, AND AN OLDER GIRL. ONE OF THE LADS CAME AND TALKED TO ME FOR QUITE A WHILE, AND I THOUGHT HE WAS RATHER INFORMED AND INSIGHTFUL. WE HAD A REASONABLE CHAT ABOUT THE TOWN, AND LOCAL EVENTS, AND JUST AS QUICKLY AS THEY ARRIVED, THEY MERGED TOGETHER AT THE DOORWAY, AND EXITED LIKE A STEAM VAPOR OUT A SPOUT. I STOOD THERE FOR SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, REPLAYING WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SUSPECTED RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. THEY DIDN'T SEEM THE ANTIQUE-TYPE, AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, WE CAN USUALLY TELL. THESE FOLKS WEREN'T INTERESTED IN WHAT I WAS SELLING. THEY WERE INTERESTED IN THE GOODS THEY COULD GET EASILY, WITH A "FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT." SHOPLIFTING. THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, THE GREATER THE SUSPICION, I HAD JUST BEEN THE VICTIM OF A SNATCH AND RUN. EVEN BEFORE I GOT OUT FROM BEHIND THE COUNTER, TO TAKE A QUICK GLANCE AROUND THE STORE, I NOTICED A SMALL BABY QUILT MISSING OFF A NEARBY RACK. I KNEW IT HAD TO BE MISSING, BECAUSE I'D BEEN STRAIGHTENING IT ON THE RACK THROUGHOUT THE MORNING, AS IT WAS SITUATED WHERE CUSTOMERS BUMPED INTO IT, AND DISLODGED IT FROM THE TOP RUNG. I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED, SO I LOOKED ON THE FLOOR, HOPING IT WOULD BE THERE. GONE.

I RAN UP THE STAIR AS FAST AS MY STUBBY LEGS WOULD ALLOW, AND IT WAS ONLY A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I WAS OUT ON THE MAIN STREET SIDEWALK, AND LOOKING NORTH AND SOUTH. IT WAS A SNOWY DAY BUT THERE WASN'T EVEN A SILHOUETTE OF ANOTHER HUMAN ON THAT STRETCH OF ROAD. CARS YES. PEDESTRIANS NO. I RAN UP TO MEMORIAL PARK AND LOOKED TO SEE IF ANYTHING HAD BEEN UNCEREMONIOUSLY STUFFED IN A GARBAGE CAN. AGAIN NOTHING. ON THE WAY BACK TO THE STORE, I STARTED THINKING ABOUT THE BABY QUILT THAT HAD OBVIOUSLY BEEN STOLEN. IT HAD BEEN ON SALE FOR AROUND FIFTY DOLLARS, AND GUESS WHAT? SUZANNE HAD MADE IT FOR THE STORE. SHE SOLD QUITE A FEW OF THESE SMALL QUILTS IN THOSE YEARS, AS KIND OF A LOSS LEADER. THEY WERE TIME CONSUMING PROJECTS AND SUZANNE DID THEM MORE AS STRESS RELIEVERS FROM HER TEACHING JOB. SHE DIDN'T GET MORE THAN A FEW BUCKS FOR HER LABOR, BUT THEY WERE IMPORTANT TO THE STORE INVENTORY. SO HERE I WAS, ALL COVERED IN SNOW, ANGRY, HURT, AND THINKING ABOUT THE TONGUE LASHING I WAS GOING TO GET…….FOR ALLOWING HER NICE LITTLE QUILT TO WALK OUT THE DOOR. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY VENDORS LOSE QUILTS TO SHOPLIFTERS BUT IT WAS A FIRST FOR ME.

SUZANNE WAS VERY GOOD ABOUT IT. I ACCEPTED BLAME FOR NOT WATCHING THESE PEOPLE CLOSER, AND NOT GETTING OUT FROM BEHIND MY DESK FASTER. SO SHE MADE ME ANOTHER TWO BABY QUILTS JUST SO WE'D HAVE SOME COLORFUL INVENTORY FOR THE SHOP. ONE DAY, ABOUT A MONTH LATER, IT WAS A COLD BEGGAR OF A DAY, AND SUZANNE WAS GETTING READY TO GO BACK TO WORK. WE STOOD AT THE DOOR OF THE SHOP, LOOKING OUT ONTO THE WINDSWEPT MAIN STREET. JUST IN TIME TO WATCH A YOUNG MOTHER PUSHING HER BABY STROLLER PAST OUR BUILDING. "THERE'S MY QUILT," SHE YELLED OUT, STINGING MY EAR. "THERE IT IS. IT'S HANGING OUT OF THE CART. THAT'S IT ALL RIGHT. SEE THE TEDDY BEAR (DESIGN)?" WHAT TO DO. WHAT COULD WE DO? SHOULD DO? CALL THE POLICE? SUZANNE AND I JUST STOOD THERE WITH OUR MOUTHS HANGING OPEN, ABSOLUTELY STUNNED ABOUT THE SITUATION. NOT ONLY WAS IT HER QUILT, BUT IT WAS ALSO A GIRL SHE HAD TAUGHT IN FAMILY STUDIES THAT PAST SEMESTER. "I KNEW SHE WAS HAVING A BABY. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GIVING A SHOWER GIFT." AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT CAME DOWN TO, IN THE END. "I CAN'T GO AND RIP THE QUILT OUT OF THE STROLLER CAN I," SHE ASKED BUT REALLY IT WAS MORE LIKE AN IRON CLAD STATEMENT, APPEARING INITIALLY AS A QUESTION. "ALL I KNOW IS THAT MY QUILT IS WARMING THAT CHILD, AND ULTIMATELY, IT'S DOING WHAT I MADE IT FOR."

THE SAD THING ABOUT THIS, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW US, PARTICULARLY SUZANNE, YOU'D REALIZE SHE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THAT GIRL THE QUILT AS A GIFT, IF SHE'D ASKED FOR ASSISTANCE. WE'VE DONE THIS KIND OF THING MANY TIMES, AND HAVE ALWAYS HELPED OUT LOCAL CHARITIES AND FOOD BANKS FACING HARD TIMES. IT DID HURT HER FEELINGS THOUGH, TO HAVE THIS GIRL, SHE THOUGHT HIGHLY OF, PARTICIPATE IN THE THEFT FROM OUR STORE. THEY NEVER SHOPPED IN OUR STORE AGAIN. I GUESS THAT WAS THE ONE GOOD THING.

WE SUFFERED QUITE A BIT OF THEFT OVER THE FIVE PLUS YEARS WE OPERATED THE SMALL BASEMENT SHOP. EACH TIME IT FELT AWFUL, TO LOOK AT THE SHELVES, AND REALIZE SOME ITEMS WERE MISSING. WHEN WE DECIDED, OUT OF SHEER MADNESS, TO SELL HOCKEY AND BASEBALL TRADING CARDS, IN THE EARLY 1990'S, SHOPLIFTING WAS A DAILY OCCURRENCE. BY THIS TIME, I HAD SHARPENED MY SKILLS IN THIS REGARD, AND OUT OF ABOUT TEN MAJOR INCIDENTS, I SOLVED NINE OF THE THEFTS. ON A TIP FROM A FELLOW SHOPKEEP, I GAVE THE PERPETRATORS AN OPTION WHEN I CAUGHT THEM. TO EITHER DEAL WITH THE POLICE, AS SHOPLIFTERS, OR TO COMPENSATE ME FOR THE CARDS THEY STOLE. I DIDN'T WANT THEM BACK. I WANTED THEM TO PAY FOR THE CARDS. AND AS THEY ONLY EVER TOOK THE BIG MONEY CARDS, I HAD SOME REALLY STRONG SALES THAT PERIOD, BECAUSE ALL OF THEM OPTED TO BE CUSTOMERS INSTEAD OF RIDERS IN THE BACK OF POLICE CRUISERS. FOR ONE PERSON, I MADE A TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR SALE, AND HIS MOTHER STILL MADE HIM GIVE BACK THE CARDS HE TOOK. WHILE IT TOOK A FEW OF THEM A WHILE TO PAY THEIR BILLS, I FOUND IT A TOTALLY WORKABLE ALTERNATIVE TO FILING CHARGES, AND POTENTIALLY HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE COURT PROCESS. I WAS PREPARED TO DO THIS, BUT THE YOUNG LADS WEREN'T SO KEEN. ONE KID DID MENTION THAT I WAS BLACKMAILING THEM, AND I WHOLE HEARTEDLY AGREED. THE KID LOOKED AT ME, SMILED, AND SAID, "HERE'S THE FIFTY BUCKS I OWE YOU."

IN ANOTHER CASE, I HAD A CUSTOMER WHO LOVED TO COME IN AND GO THROUGH MY BOXES OF CARDS. HE LIKED TO TRADE CARDS BUT THERE WERE CERTAIN BIG NAMES I INSISTED ON CASH-ONLY. THE CARDS WOULD BE SPREAD ON THE COUNTER IN FRONT OF ME, AND HE WOULD HAVE HIS PILE OF TRADERS SITTING TO THE RIGHT OF THE FANNING OF MY CARDS. OVER ABOUT A MONTH OF WEEKLY VISITS, I CALCULATED THE LOSS TO BE ABOUT THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS, OF CARDS I KNEW HAD BEEN IN THAT SAME BOX. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO I ALLOWED ACCESS TO THIS PRIVATE STASH. I WAS HUGELY UPSET BY THE FACT MY CECIL FIELDER ROOKIE (BASEBALL) CARDS WERE MISSING. FOUR OF THEM WERE IN THAT BOX, AND IT REPRESENTED ABOUT $150 WORTH. SO THE NEXT TIME HE ARRIVED, AND DID THE SAME THING, WITH THE SAME BOX OF "A" QUALITY CARDS, I WATCHED HIS MAGIC FINGERS. HE WAS ABLE TO FAN THE CARDS OUT CLOSER TO HIS OWN PILE, THAT WHEN HE WENT TO MOVE THEM, HE WOULD ALSO GRAB UP SOME OF MINE ON THE COUNTER. IN ONLY MINUTES, PRETENDING I WASN'T WATCHING HIS HANDIWORK, I HAD LOST ABOUT TEN "MONEY" CARDS. I HAD THEM RECORDED, SO I KNOW WHAT WAS MISSING. I CONFRONTED HIM, AND GAVE A LITTLE SPIEL ABOUT ALL THE MISSING CARDS, PROBABLY ABOUT FIFTY, AND WHILE HE CLAIMED IT MAY HAVE HAPPENED ACCIDENTALLY, THERE WAS NO ARGUMENT WHATSOEVER, WHEN I MADE IT CLEAR THE CASH EQUIVALENT WOULD BE IN THE "BALL PARK" OF $350, OWING TO BIRCH HOLLOW. IT TOOK ABOUT A HALF HOUR TO GET PAID BUT IT CAME WITH AN APOLOGY. MAYBE IT SHOULD HAVE MADE ME FEEL BETTER BUT IT DIDN'T. WE HAD BECOME CASUAL FRIENDS, AND I HAD ENJOYED OUR LITTLE SPORTS TALKS. I SUGGESTED IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO SHOP ELSEWHERE IN THE FUTURE. I THINK I LOST MORE MONEY THAN THE $350 RESTITUTION, BUT AT LEAST IT DIDN'T BECOME A CRIMINAL MATTER. HE DIDN'T GET OFF LIGHTLY. I'M PRETTY GOOD AT BROW BEATING. TO THIS DAY, HE WILL REMEMBER THE FIREBRAND OF BIRCH HOLLOW…..AN URBAN LEGEND OF THE ANTIQUE TRADE.

WHILE I DESPISED SHOPLIFTERS, FROM THE ORIGINAL QUILT INCIDENT, I ALSO HAD A MAJOR DISLIKE FOR PRICE TAG FLICKERS. I HAD ONE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN WHO FREQUENTED THE SHOP, AND HE WAS NOTORIOUS FOR REMOVING PRICE TAGS BEFORE HE GOT TO THE SALES COUNTER. IN MANY THRIFT SHOPS TODAY, THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM, BUT THERE'S ONE STEP ADDED. NOW PERPETRATORS, OF WHAT IS STILL A CRIME, REMOVE THE PRICE TAGS THEY DON'T LIKE, AND REPLACE THEM WITH OTHER PRICE TAGS, THEY'VE PAINSTAKINGLY PEELED OFF MERCHANDISE, OF COURSE ALWAYS FOR MUCH LOWER PRICES. THIS CHAP NEVER WENT TO THAT MUCH EFFORT. HE WAS A PRETTY LAZY GUY. HE'D ALMOST TAUNT ME WITH IT, SAYING "YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE PRICE THAT WAS ON IT…..WHAT IS IT WORTH NOW THAT I MIGHT WANT TO BUY IT?" HE HAD A WICKED HABIT OF ALWAYS DOING THIS ON CONSIGNMENT PIECES WHERE THERE WASN'T MUCH WIGGLE ROOM TO DISCOUNT. SO I USED TO BEND, AND LOSE MY COMMISSION, JUST TO SELL THE ITEM. I CAN REMEMBER ONE REALLY BAD SATURDAY. I'D SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY WITH TIRE KICKERS AND WHINERS, AND HADN'T MADE A SIGNIFICANT SALE. IT WAS AT A TIME WHEN THE STORE WAS A HUGE DRAIN ON PERSONAL RESOURCES, AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MUCH MONEY FOR WEEKEND GROCERIES. WE WERE TAPPED OUT, AND MAXED OUT ON CREDIT CARDS. SO JUST BEFORE FIVE O'CLOCK CLOSING, IN HE COMES WITH GREAT FANFARE AND BLUSTER. I REALIZED THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE OF THE DAY BEFORE THE "CLOSED" SIGN WAS FLIPPED ON THE DOOR. AFTER AWHILE, HE CAME TO ME WITH A LARGE VINTAGE OIL BOTTLE AND SEPARATE SPOUT THAT I HAD ON CONSIGNMENT FROM ANOTHER DEALER. "THERE'S NO PRICE TAG ON THIS," HE BLURTED, HOVERING OVER MY DESK. I HAD TO DO THE DANCE. IT'S WHAT ENTERTAINED HIM, I SWEAR TO GOD. "IT WAS ON IT THIS MORNING," I ANSWERED. "I WONDERED WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO IT SINCE THEN?" "WELL LET'S NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE PRICE TAG WAS…..TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR IT RIGHT NOW," HE DEMANDED. OF COURSE WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS DISHONEST, BECAUSE I LATER WENT BACK AND FOUND THE PRICE TAG STUCK ONTO SOMETHING ELSE. HE HAD INDEED TAKEN IT OFF THE BOTTLE, AND PUT IT ON ANOTHER PIECE NEAR BY. I SHOULD HAVE TOSSED HIS BEHIND OUT OF THE SHOP. BUT AS I KNEW IT WAS A FAIRLY EXPENSIVE BOTTLE, FROM A LIST I KEPT IN THE DESK AS BACK-UP, I DROPPED MY COMMISSION ENTIRELY, AND SOLD THE BOTTLE FOR FORTY BUCKS. HE WAS HAPPY, I WAS ABLE TO BORROW THIS MONEY FOR A WEEK OR SO, TO BUY SOME NEEDED GROCERIES, AND I GOT TO SEE THE BACK OF HIM HEADING OUT THAT DOOR. FROM THAT POINT ON, I NEVER ALLOWED THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. I'D SIMPLY SAY, "LOOK, I'LL JUST GO BACK AND SEE IF I CAN FIND THE TAG THAT HAS OBVIOUSLY FALLEN OFF." IT MADE HIM CRAZY THAT I WOULD INCONVENIENCE HIM, BY PATIENTLY LOOKING FOR THE TORN-OFF PRICE TAG. OVER TIME, HE JUST LEFT THE TAGS ON, AND ASKED IF I COULD GIVE HIM A BETTER PRICE. BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT TODAY, AT MANY SECOND HAND SHOPS, THEY FACE THIS MANY TIMES IN A DAY, AND IT CAN COST THEM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN PROFIT OVER THE COURSE OF A MONTH.

ONCE AGAIN, I MUST FOOTNOTE, THAT THE PERCENTAGE OF THESE CUSTOMERS, COMPARED TO THE VAST MAJORITY, WAS LESS THAN ONE PERCENT OF MY CLIENTELE OVER THOSE FIVE TO SIX YEARS IN THE SHOP. I WILL HIGHLIGHT EXPERIENCES WITH THESE DELIGHTFUL CUSTOMERS IN THE NEXT BLOG. THEY CERTAINLY MADE UP FOR THE BAD ACTORS, THAT'S FOR SURE, AND I LEARNED A GREAT DEAL FROM A WIDE ARRAY OF ANTIQUE COLLECTORS, HOME DECORATORS, MUSEUM CURATORS, AND SO MANY HOBBYISTS WHO LOVED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR COLLECTING INTERESTS.

THANKS FOR READING THROUGH TODAY'S BLOG. JOIN ME FOR ANOTHER ANTIQUE SHOP ADVENTURE IN TOMORROW'S COLUMN (BLOG).

Antique Shop Appraisals and Why Not

THE ANTIQUE SHOP AND THOSE WISHING APPRAISALS -

SOME I WISH HAD GONE ELSEWHERE-

I HAVE A PASSIVE SIDE. WHEN SUZANNE AND I ARE OUT ANTIQUE HUNTING, I'M KEEN, ADVENTUROUS, CO-OPERATIVE, INTERESTED IN GOOD CONVERSATION, AND I VERY MUCH ENJOY MEETING PEOPLE. PUT ME IN A SHOP, BEHIND A SALES DESK, AND TELL ME I'M THERE FOR THE DAY, AND THE NEGATIVES START JUMPING ON EACH OTHERS BACK TO ESCAPE THROUGH MY EARS.

EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, SOMEONE WILL ASK IF I MISS HAVING AN ACTUAL ANTIQUE SHOP. A FEW TIMES EACH YEAR, SOMEONE ELSE, WILL ASK IF I THINK THEY SHOULD OPEN AN ANTIQUE SHOP. AND THERE ARE TIMES WHEN, IN THE COURSE OF GENERAL CONVERSATION, I'LL BE ASKED TO JOIN SOME ANTIQUE CO-OP OR MALL. THE ANSWER TO EACH OF THE ABOVE IS A RESOUNDING "NO." I MUST FOOTNOTE THIS, BECAUSE WE ARE ALREADY CONNECTED TO OUR BOYS' VINTAGE MUSIC SHOP, HERE IN GRAVENHURST. BUT THE POINT IS, I WOULDN'T PERSONALLY PARTICIPATE AS A VENDOR IN AN ANTIQUE MALL, NOT BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THEM…..BECAUSE I DO, BUT RATHER, SUZANNE AND I HAVE A SIMPLE, NO FRILLS RETIREMENT PLAN TO ENJOY ANTIQUES. FOR A LOT OF YEARS WE DIDN'T, BECAUSE OF THE HUSTLE AND FINANCIAL BURDENS OF RUNNING A SHOP, AND WORRYING CONSTANTLY ABOUT THE BOTTOM LINE. WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT THESE DAYS, AND WE DON'T OWE A PENNY ON THE COLLECTION WE OWN.

MY ADVICE TO OTHERS, WELL, DON'T COUNT ON THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS, IN A RETAIL SETTING, TO MAKE YOU RICH. COMFORTABLE? SURE. JUST NOT A BUSINESS, IF YOU ARE THE AVERAGE GENERAL DEALER, THAT IS GOING TO REPLACE BEING EMPLOYED BY SOMEONE ELSE. THE EXPENSE OF RUNNING A SHOP THESE DAYS, IS ENORMOUS, AND WITH RENT, INSURANCE AND UTILITIES, NOT TO MENTION BUSINESS AREA TAXES, ADVERTISING AND INVENTORY COSTS, AND A FICKLE AUDIENCE, IT BECOMES ALMOST COST PROHIBITIVE. EVEN A SMALL CO-OP SHOP CAN BE A TREMENDOUS COST BURDEN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN A SEASONAL, TOURIST ECONOMY, LIKE WE ARE IN MUSKOKA. IT DOESN'T MEAN TO SUGGEST YOU CAN'T MAKE A BUCK IN THE ANTIQUE FIELD, RUNNING A NORMAL RETAIL SHOP, BUT IT NECESSITATES DIVERSIFICATION THAT MANY FOLKS DON'T UNDERSTAND. I GOT PAID TO RESEARCH LOCAL HISTORY, AND WRITE FOR THE LOCAL PRESS, AT THE SAME TIME AS SELLING ANTIQUES. OUR BOYS, ANDREW AND ROBERT, TO BOLSTER THEIR SHOP ECONOMY, OFFER GUITAR LESSONS, AND PROVIDE TECHNICAL SERVICES TO AREA ENTERTAINMENT VENUES. JUST TO PAY THE RENT, AND HAVE A FEW BUCKS AT THE END OF THE WEEK FOR FUN STUFF. STILL NOT TOO MUCH LEFT FOR RRSP'S. FOR A YOUNG BUSINESS, THEY ARE DOING QUITE WELL, AND OPERATE WITHOUT ANY BANK LOANS OR CREDIT CARDS.

WHEN WE HAD OUR LITTLE SHOP, IN CENTRAL BRACEBRIDGE, WITH HIGH TRAFFIC GOING BY THROUGHOUT THE BUSINESS DAY, IT WAS A MONSTROUS TASK GETTING THE LOCAL POPULATION TO POP THROUGH THAT FRONT DOOR. I USED TO SPEND ABOUT A HALF HOUR, ON DAYS THAT WERE GOING TO BE DRY, WEATHER WISE, LOADING STUFF OUT ON THE FRONT DRIVEWAY, IN THE HOPES OF ATTRACTING ATTENTION FROM THOSE SAME PASSERSBY. I USED TO KID THE MEMBERS OF THE BIRCH HOLLOW LIAR'S CLUB, THAT I COULD SIT A TOM THOMSON ART PANEL OUT FRONT, WITH A "FREE "SIGN ON IT, AND IT WOULD LAST FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK, WITHOUT ONE TOWN RESIDENT CHECKING IT OUT. AS A LONG TIME CITIZEN OF BRACEBRIDGE, I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY AREA FOLKS REFUSED TO CHECK US OUT. HAVING GROWN UP IN THIS TOWN, HEARING THE LOCALS TALK ABOUT "TOURIST TRAPS," REFERRING TO BUSINESSES THAT PRICE THEIR WARES HIGHER, BASICALLY TO FLEECE THE SUMMER VISITORS, I STARTED THINKING THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE PROBLEM. I TRIED FOR YEARS, IN VAIN, TO PROVE TO THESE SAME PERMANENT RESIDENTS, THAT WE WERE A HOMETOWN BUSINESS, AND OUR PRICES WERE LOWER THAN COMPARABLE SHOPS IN ONTARIO.

THE ONLY WAY WE SURVIVED, WAS TO MAKE OUR SHOP INTO A SMALL CO-OP, WITH A FEW OTHER LIKE-MINDED ANTIQUE DEALERS, AS WELL AS TAKING HUGE AMOUNTS OF CONSIGNMENT INVENTORY, THAT GOT US THROUGH THE RECESSION OF THE EARLY 1990'S. IT WASN'T MY PREFERENCE, BECAUSE I HATED HAVING OTHER PEOPLE CONTROLLING MY DAY TO DAY BUSINESS; BUT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES, AND A SUMMER SEASON ECONOMY. IT WAS A LOT OF WORK. I WAS WORKING FOR THEM, AND IF OUR SALES WEREN'T SHOWING A GOOD RETURN, SUCH THAN CONSIGNERS WEREN'T HAPPY WITH THEIR PROFITS, WE COULD HAVE LOST IT ALL TO A COMPETITOR. THIS WAS A TRICKY BALANCE, AND SUZANNE AND I HAD TO BE VERY FOCUSED ON MAKING WEEKLY IMPROVEMENTS, TO SHOWCASE THESE IMPORTANT CONSIGNMENT PIECES. WE ALSO HAD TO BALANCE RELATIONS WITH OTHER VENDORS WE RENTED SPACE, AND IT BROUGHT ON SOME PROBLEMS, EVEN IN THE FIRST YEAR. AN ORIGINAL PARTNER GOT IN A SNIT, BECAUSE OF SOMETHING RELATED TO LOCAL NEWSPAPERS, OF WHICH HE AND I WERE ALSO EMPLOYED AT THE TIME. WHEN I WENT TO THE COMPETITION NEWSPAPER, IN ORDER TO FEED MY FAMILY, IT DESTROYED THE ANTIQUE SHOP PARTNERSHIP. SO WE TOOK ANOTHER PARTNER, SHARING THE RETAIL SPACE. WHEN HE LEFT, WELL, WE GOT ANOTHER. WHEN SHE LEFT, I SAID TO SUZANNE, THIS SHOP IS NOW OURS! NO SOONER HAD I SPOKEN THOSE WORDS, THAN I WAS OFFERED AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC RELATIONS POSITION I COULDN'T AFFORD TO TURN DOWN. MY LAST WORDS OUT THAT DOOR, AFTER WEEKS OF DISMANTLING, WERE "NEVER AGAIN."

IF I WAS GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN RETAIL AGAIN, I MOST CERTAINLY WOULD JOIN THE RANKS OF VENDORS IN ONE OF THE LARGE ANTIQUE MALLS……BECAUSE THEY MAKE PERFECT SENSE, TO FOLKS LIKE US…..WHO LOVE THE PROFESSION, ENJOY THE ANTIQUE HUNT, BUT DON'T WANT TO STAND IN A SHOP EVERY DAY HOPING AGAINST HOPE, SOMEONE WILL COME IN AND BUY SOMETHING…….TO COVER THE COSTS AND PUT A MODEST SUPPER ON THE OLD HARVEST TABLE. WE ENJOY GOING TO ANTIQUE MALLS BECAUSE WE GET A GOOD LONG WALK, FOR EXERCISE, CLIMATE CONTROL, AND AN ABSOLUTELY HUGE INVENTORY TO PERUSE. I WILL ALWAYS ADORE HOLE-IN-THE-WALL SHOPS, AND WE VISIT THEM IN OUR REGION FREQUENTLY. WHEN SUZANNE RETIRES, WE DON'T WANT TO SHUT OURSELVES INTO A MAIN STREET BOX, AS A REWARD FOR ALL THOSE YEARS ON THE JOB. THE ONLY TIME I'VE EVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS, WAS DURING THE "SHOP" YEARS, WITH THOSE TITHES TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT NOW. I PREFER WORKING AT THIS TRADE WITHOUT FETTERS OR TETHERS, AND WE'VE PROVEN WE CAN USE A VARIETY OF VENUES, AND SPECIAL EVENTS, TO SUCCESSFULLY SELL WHAT WE COLLECT OUT ON THE HUSTINGS.

ONE OF THE THINGS I DREADED, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, WHEN WE HAD THE STOREFRONT, WAS THE PARADE OF APPRAISAL SEEKERS. NOW WHAT MAY SEEM A WEE BIT CONTRADICTORY, IS THAT THE BENEFIT OF A MAIN STREET, ACCESSIBLE BUSINESS, IS THIS PARADE OF FOLKS LOOKING TO SELL THEIR ANTIQUE WARES. SHOULD HAVE BEEN. IT WASN'T. IN FACT, IT WAS A NUTTER PARADE NINETY PERCENT OF THE TIME. MY BOYS NOW WATCH A REALITY SHOW ABOUT PAWN SHOPS, ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, AND THEY HOWL WITH LAUGHTER AT SOME OF THE CRAZY STUFF THAT HAPPENS IN THOSE CITY BUSINESSES. WELL, AT THE TIME WE WERE RUNNING OUR SMALL ANTIQUE SHOP, THERE WERE NO PAWN OR HOCK SHOPS IN OUR REGION. SO, WE FILLED IN THE VOID. SO WE HAD TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE WHO ARRIVED AT OUR SHOP WITH STEREOS, TELEVISIONS, MANY PAINTINGS ON VELVET, NEW FURNITURE, AND EVEN NEW POTS AND PANS. QUITE A FEW OF THESE PEOPLE DID NOT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE WORD "ANTIQUE" MEANT, SO THEY ASSUMED, BY WHAT WE HAD OUTSIDE AS A DISPLAY, THAT WE PROBABLY ALSO SOLD SLIGHTLY USED CLOTHING, NEW BOOKS, CAR PARTS, AND CAMPING GEAR. CRIPES, I HATED TO SEE THESE PEOPLE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS WITH EVERYTHING FROM BABY SWINGS AND CRADLES, TO HUGE CABINET STEREOS NO MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLD. SOME OF THESE SELLERS COULD GET NASTY, WHEN I REFUSED TO BUY WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS PRECIOUS. I HAD MANY OTHERS WHO BROUGHT IN ITEMS THAT WERE ABSOLUTE JUNK, AND FIGURED I'D HAND OVER THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF OWNING…..WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO THE LANDFILL SITE.

I REMEMBER ONE YOUNG MAN COMING DOWN TO MY COUNTER, WITH A LARGE FRAMED, BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPH, OF AN EARLY 1900'S BICYCLE CLUB. IT WAS A NICE COMBINATION PIECE, BECAUSE THE FRAME WAS PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE, AND THE PHOTOGRAPH WAS OF A POPULAR SUBJECT FOR BIKE COLLECTORS…..AND THOSE INTERESTED IN THE HISTORY OF TORONTO. THE PROBLEM OF BEING AWAKENED FROM THE SLUMBER OF SLOW BUSINESS, AND BEING THRUST INTO THE ROLE AS APPRAISER, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IS THAT I WOULD FORGET TO ASK WHAT THE APPRAISAL WAS FOR. THIS CAN CREATE A STINKER OF A PROBLEM. I WOULD NORMALLY ASK IF THE APPRAISAL WAS FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES, (OF WHICH I WAS ONLY QUALIFIED FOR MUSKOKA HERITAGE ITEMS), PERSONAL INTEREST (SUCH AS IF IT WAS A FAMILY HEIRLOOM, NOT FOR SALE) OR ONE FOR ME TO OFFER IN THE EVENT THE ITEM(S) IS FOR SALE. SO I'D OFFER A PRICE I THOUGHT IT WOULD SELL FOR IN A LARGER SHOP, IN A MORE DYNAMIC MARKETPLACE. IT'S WHAT THE ANTIQUE ROAD SHOW-TYPE EVENTS OFFER, TO CLIENTS, BY SUGGESTING THE PRICE A PIECE MIGHT SELL FOR, IF PLACED "AT AUCTION." WELL, IN MUSKOKA, YOU JUST COULDN'T DO THAT, BECAUSE THE AUCTIONS WERE ALL SIMPLE, COUNTRY, ESTATE AUCTIONS, WHERE ONE DIDN'T OFTEN FIND MING VASES OR GROUP OF SEVEN ORIGINALS. SO ON THIS VINTAGE PHOTOGRAPH OF THE CYLCE CLUB, I OFFERED A MARKET VALUE APPRAISAL OF TWO HUNDRED BUCKS. WELL THAT DIDN'T PLEASE HIM. IT'S AS IF I'D INSULTED HIM, BY OFFERING SUCH A LOW AMOUNT.

I LOVE WHEN, IN SUCH A SITUATION, THE CUSTOMER TRIES TO APPEAL THE DECISION, LIKE IT'S A COURT RULING OR SOMETHING. "I WAS OFFERED $200 FOR THE FRAME ALONE," HE SHOT BACK. I SAID, (AS WAS MY TRADEMARK IN THESE SITUATIONS), "YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT." FOR WHATEVER REASON, THE GUY JUST WOULDN'T LET GO OF THIS REALITY, I WOULDN'T PAY HIM FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR THE PICTURE AND FRAME. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN, THAT EVEN IF I WAS TO MAKE AN OFFER ON THE FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH, IT WOULD BE A QUARTER OF WHAT I HAD APPRAISED IT AT ORIGINALLY. WELL THAT BLEW HIS MIND. FROM THAT POINT ON, HE DECIDED TO EDUCATE ME IN THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS. IN FACT, HE EVEN PHONED ME AT HOME, LATER THAN SAME EVENING, LOOKING FOR ME TO "UP" THE PRICE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT OUR CONVERSATION, BUT FORTUNATELY THE SOUND OF THE RECEIVER BOUNCING OFF THE PHONE CRADLE, PUT THE EMPHASIS WHERE WORDS OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T.

I USED TO LOVE THE TOOLS WHO WOULD COME IN WITH SOME ARTICLES, DUMP THEM ON MY DESK, LOOK AT ME AS IF I SHOULD JUMP TO ATTENTION, KISS THEM ON THEIR OUTSTRETCHED HAND, AND PASS AS MUCH FOLDING MONEY AS I COULD FROM MY CASH BOX. ONE LADY, WHO I DIDN'T LIKE FROM OTHER PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS, CAME IN TO THE SHOP WITH A BIG BOX OF OLD BOOKS. SHE BUTTED IN AHEAD OF ANOTHER CUSTOMER I WAS TALKING TO, AT THE TIME, AND PROCEEDED TO UNLOAD EVERY SINGLE BOOK ONTO THE COUNTER. SHE DID HER THING, PUT THE BOX ON THE FLOOR, AND THEN STOOD THERE WITH HER ARMS FOLDED, WITH A "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR" LOOK ON HER WRINKLED LITTLE FACE. IT WAS A COLLECTION OF CANADIANA, AND I KNEW WHAT THEY WERE WORTH. BUT I DIDN'T WANT THEM, AS I WASN'T SELLING ENOUGH CANADIAN HISTORY, AT THAT POINT, TO BUY MYSELF TWO COFFEES A WEEK, LET ALONE A COMPANION DONUT. SHE DEMANDED THAT I TELL HER WHAT THEY WERE WORTH. NOT WANTING TO EMBARRASS MYSELF, OR THE CUSTOMERS IN LINE, OR MY WIFE HIDING BEHIND THE COUNTER, I GAVE HER WHAT THE SHOP PRICE WOULD BE…..ONCE AGAIN, IN A WIDER, MORE POPULATED MARKET AREA. NOT MUSKOKA. SHE REARED BACK, AS IF I'D SPIT ON HER BOOKS, COMPLAINED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT, LOADED THEM QUICKLY INTO THE BOX, AND MARCHED OUT OF THE STORE……, MUMBLING ABOUT NEVER, EVER COMING BACK INTO MY SHOP. ACTUALLY, I WOULD HAVE LIKED THAT IN WRITING, BECAUSE SHE DID MAKE ONE OTHER APPEARANCE LATER ON, THAT ENDED ABOUT THE SAME WAY.

THERE WAS ANOTHER JERK, WHO THOUGHT HE WAS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT RARE BOOK DEALER IN THE UNIVERSE. BUT HE WAS ALSO THE CHEAPEST PERSON, ALSO IN THE UNIVERSE. BESIDES THAT, HE HAD A WEASLE DEMEANOR I FOUND OFFENSIVE RIGHT OFF THE BAT. HE'D COME IN WITH HIS SISTER, WHO WAS A WHINER, AND THE TWO OF THEM WOULD SPEND AN HOUR IN THE SHOP, LOAD UP MY COUNTER SO THAT I COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER TRANSACTION, WITHOUT COMING AROUND THE COUNTER, AND THEN ARRIVING LIKE A TWO HEADED WEASLE-SNAKE, AND SAY, IN A NASAL UNITY, "NOW, LET'S NEGOTIATE ON THESE PRICES, WHICH ARE REALLY HIGH." PART OF THE PROBLEM, I IDENTIFIED A NUMBER OF BLOGS BACK, IS THAT I'M GENERALLY IMPATIENT AS A SHOP CLERK. I'M ALSO A FORMER HOCKEY PLAYER, WHO LOVED TO FIGHT. SO IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY HEART AND MIND, LIKE A NINJA, TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THESE ONE-SIDE HAGGLING EVENTS. I WANTED TO GRAB THAT GUY, PULL HIS SWEATER OVER HIS HEAD, AND START HITTING HIM WITH ONE OF THE BOOKS HE DUMPED ON MY DESK. SERENITY NOW. SO I'D SIT THERE, WITH SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS, AND PLAY THE GAME. I'D HONESTLY GET TO THE POINT WHERE, JUST TO GET RID OF HIM, AND HIS PERSNICKETY SISTER, THAT I'D EVEN THROW-IN A KIDNEY, IF THEY'D JUST LEAVE. I DON'T SHOP LIKE THIS, AND I WOULD NEVER BE SO RUDE, AS TO PLACE ITEMS I INTENDED TO PURCHASE, AND THEN BROW BEAT THE SHOP CLERK, LOOKING FOR A BETTER DEAL.

ANOTHER CUSTOMER USED TO SHOW UP AND DO SOMEWHAT THE SAME, BUT THE TRADEMARK LINE WAS, "WHAT'S YOUR BEST PRICE?" SUZANNE WOULD GET JUST AS MAD AS ME, AND FIRE BACK A PRICE, THAT WAS ABOUT TEN DOLLARS HIGHER THAN THE PRICE TAG. "WELL, YOU ASKED FOR MY BEST PRICE. AND THAT WOULD BE THE BEST!" I USED TO LIKE IT WHEN SUZANNE GOT RILED, BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS CAME DOWN HARD ON ME, FOR LOSING MY TEMPER.

THERE WAS ANOTHER OCCASION, WHEN THIS CHARMING ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, WITH HIS DAUGHTER, ARRIVED AT THE SALES DESK WITH A SIMILAR ARM LOAD OF OLD BOOKS AND FRAMED PICTURES. HE LOOKED A LITTLE WOBBLY, AND ASKED FOR A CHAIR. WELL SIR, HE SETTLED INTO THAT CHAIR, WIGGLED HIS ARSE AROUND FOR AWHILE, AND THEN, AS IF EBENEEZER SCROOGE HAD CRAWLED OUT OF A NEARBY "DICKENS," HE BEGAN BERATING ME, AS THE DUMBEST DEALER, AND MOST RIDICULOUSLY PRICED SHOP IN ALL OF CIVILIZATION. SHORT OF CALLING ME "A BUM," AND A "COMPLETE WASTE OF SKIN," HE MUMBLED MUCH MORE THAN I ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND. SUZANNE GRABBED MY ARM, AS IF TO SAY, "TED, HE'S AN OLD MAN. DON'T HURT HIM." BY GOLLY, IT WAS A CLOSE CALL. I STARTED TO FANTASIZE HOW I WAS GOING TO EJECT HIM FROM THE STORE. THERE WASN'T A "SCRUFF OF THE NECK" TO GRAB, ON THE SKINNY LITTLE FART, ALTHOUGH HIS DAUGHTER LOOKED LIKE SHE COULD BE FLUNG RATHER FAR. BEFORE YOU THINK ME CRUDE FOR THINKING THIS, I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS A FAR MORE COMMONPLACE FANTASY AMONGST ANTIQUE DEALERS, THAN YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT. THINK ABOUT THIS THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO LOW-BALL SOMETHING. LOOK AT OUR EYES. THAT'S WHERE YOU SEE THE INNER FIRE.

SO AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I'D SOONER DIE IN THE JAWS OF A GRIZZLY, THAN GIVE THEM AWAY AT HALF PRICE, I SENSED HE PICKED UP ON THE FACT HE WASN'T GOING TO GET EVERYTHING HE WANTED, PILED ASKEW ON MY SALES DESK. SO HE STARTED TO DIVIDED THE ITEMS, AND AFTER A LITTLE BIT MORE HAGGLING, AND MINOR BERATING, WE FOUND A SUITABLE PRICE TO GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF THE SHOP. SO HE AND HIS DAUGHTER, (I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN HIS MISTRESS) GRABBED UP THEIR PACKAGES AND HEADED FOR THE EXIT. OF COURSE, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH TO ASK, THAT THE ITEMS BE TAKEN BACK TO WHERE THEY HAD BEEN FOUND, SO I COULD TEND THE CUSTOMER STANDING BEHIND. SO WHILE SUZANNE AND I WERE LETTING OFF A LITTLE BEHIND-THE-SCENES STEAM, SO AS NOT TO CARRY THIS MOOD ONTO THE NEXT IN LINE, THE CHAP BEHIND DOES PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING. WHAT SHOCKED ME, WAS THAT THEY WEREN'T PICKING UP ON THIS "DANGER, DANGER" THING, I HAD TO BE EMITTING LIKE AN ALARM BELL. THE GUY DID THE SAME PITCH, MINUS THE PERSONAL INSULTS. WHICH SAVED HIS SCRAWNY ARSE, BECAUSE I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, IT WAS A CLOSE CALL. SUZANNE IS GOOD AT CALMING ME DOWN.

THE ONE THAT BOTHERED ME THE MOST, WAS THE LADY WHO HAD PLACED A FIFTY DOLLAR DEPOSIT ON A HOOSIER CUPBOARD, WE HAD IN THE SHOP FROM A CONSIGNOR. IT WAS SIX MONTHS BEFORE THE PURCHASER CAME BACK TO THE STORE. AS SOON AS SHE WALKED INTO THE SHOP, I WAS DELIGHTED, BECAUSE SHE WOULD NOT RETURN MY PHONE CALLS. THE CONSIGNOR HAD BEEN MORE THAN PATIENT, AND THE OUTSTANDING AMOUNT WAS UPWARDS OF FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. ORIGINAL HOOSIER CUPBOARDS WITH ALL THE GLASS BOTTLES AND LIDS, ARE DESIRABLE AND EXPENSIVE. SO THE LADY PILED A WHOLE BUNCH OF ITEMS ON MY DESK, SMILED AT ME, AND ASKED ME TO GIVE HER A TOTAL. I DID SO, AND THE AMOUNT CAME OUT TO FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS GIVE OR TAKE A DIME. SHE SMILED, BATTED HER EYES, AND SAID "YOU CAN TAKE THAT OUT OF THE DEPOSIT MONEY I PUT ON THE HOOSIER. I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT," SHE SAID, SO SOFTLY AND YET DETERMINED. I COULD HEAR MY MARCHING HEARTBEAT COMING UP THROUGH MY THROAT. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MAM," I ASKED. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CABINET." "IT DOESN'T FIT MY DECORATING SCHEME NOW," SHE ANSWERED. "BUT THEN YOU DON'T GET YOUR DEPOSIT BACK. IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN," I RESPONDED, TAPPING MY FINGERS LIKE A SNARE DRUMMER IN THE LOCAL CITIZENS BAND. "DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE KEEPING MY MONEY?" "YES," I QUALIFIED, THE LOOK OF DISFAVOR I'M SURE WAS NOW ETCHED ON MY FACE. "I'M GOING TO TELL MY LAWYER ON YOU," I THINK SHE SAID. I CONCURRED, SUGGESTING HOWEVER, THERE WOULD BE NO POINT, ON HER PART, BECAUSE THIS IS THE VERY NATURE OF "A NON-REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT," AND I POINTED OUT, THAT EVEN IF SHE DID PURSUE LEGAL RECOURSE, SHE WOULD HAVE TO SPEND THREE TIMES THE AMOUNT, TO GET BACK FIFTY. SO SHE CRIED, MADE ME FEEL LIKE A CAD, PUSHED THE ITEMS ON THE COUNTER TOWARD ME, SAYING, "I DON'T WANT THIS STUFF ANY MORE." WHAT SHE HAD TRIED WAS A RUSE. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. SHOW SOME GOOD WILL, BUYING THINGS FROM THE SHOP, AND THEN ASKING THAT A SIX MONTH OLD DEPOSIT, COVER THE PURCHASE PRICE. WHEN IN FACT, SHE BROKE A SALES AGREEMENT TO FINISH PAYING THE BALANCE OF THE HOOSEIR, WHICH WAS $500. I SIMPLY REFUSED TO TAKE DEPOSITS AFTER THIS. I'M PRETTY EASY TO DEAL WITH, MOST OF THE TIME, BUT THESE KIND OF VENDOR-CUSTOMER DISAGREEMENTS TOOK A LOT OF FUN OUT OF THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS……THAT HAD BEEN THE RELAXING BUSINESS I'D WANTED US TO RETIRE TO, HERE IN THE MUSKOKA HINTERLAND.

AS AN ANTIQUE DEALER, YOU LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH HAGGLERS, KNOW-IT-ALLS, WEASELS, PRICE TAG FLICKERS, AND SHOPLIFTERS. I'LL TELL YOU MORE ABOUT SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES IN A COMING BLOG. BUT IT WAS THE FRONT LINE EXPERIENCE FOR ME, THAT DIDN'T FIT MY PERSONALITY. I BEGAN THE STOREFRONT ENTERPRISE, BEING VERY NAIVE ABOUT THE KIND OF SCENARIOS THAT COULD DEVELOP. SUZANNE WOULD OFTEN LECTURE ME ABOUT BEING TOO ACCOMMODATING, AND MUCH TOO FLEXIBLE WITH MY PRICING DISCOUNT, WHICH I ALWAYS GAVE TO CUSTOMERS I LIKED. THE WAY TO GET A BETTER PRICE FROM ME, MOST OF THE TIME, WAS TO BE KIND AT THE COUNTER. IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE, FOR THE RECORD, THAT THERE WERE ALWAYS MORE POLITE AND FRIENDLY CUSTOMERS THAN THE ANNOYING ONES, AND THAT FACT CERTAINLY SMOOTHED OUT THE DAY'S EVENTS. BUT IT WAS THIS STRESS-TEST ALONE, THAT PROVED TO ME, I WAS NOT CUT-OUT TO BE A FULL TIME CLERK. I LOVE HUNTING ANTIQUES AND COLLECTIBLES, AND IT'S NO HARDSHIP AT ALL TO REFINISH PIECES, AND I WILL ALWAYS VOLUNTEER TO HELP SUZANNE ON A SPECIAL FABRIC REPAIR PROJECT, SUCH AS WITH A QUILT. BUT I DETEST SOME OF THE UGLINESS THAT CAN HAPPEN AT THOSE SALES DESKS. SUZANNE, WITH A MUCH MORE EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND IN RETAIL SALES, AND SHOP MANAGEMENT, (BACK IN HER DAYS WITH THE FAMILY MARINA, AND THE LOCAL GOLF CLUB IN WINDERMERE) HAS AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF DEFLECTING CRITICISM, AND HOLDING THE LINE ON RIDICULOUS OFFERS. SHE USUALLY COMES OUT THE WINNER, UNLESS, LIKE ME, SHE JUST WANTS TO GET RID OF A NASTY PIECE OF WORK. AND THAT COULD GET YOU A DISCOUNT OR A NUDGE IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SHOP DOOR.

IT'S NOT THAT I AM TRYING TO DISCOURAGE FOLKS FROM OPENING ANTIQUE SHOPS IN THE FUTURE. BUT I ALSO DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO IGNORANCE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE NITTY GRITTY OF THE WAY IT IS.

THANKS FOR JOINING TODAY'S BLOG. MORE TO COME.

Antique Adventures and a Cash Register

GRAVENHURST'S RED PIANO DIDN'T SEE ITS SHADOW….IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY EXCEPT IN GRAVENHURST

RED PIANO DAY?

WEATHER HOBBYISTS AND SUNDRY OTHER TRADITIONALISTS, WATCHED WITH GREAT INTEREST, THE MUCH RESPECTED, ANNUAL PROGNOSTICATIONS OF WIARTON WILLY, AND Punxsutawney PHIL, OF GOBBLER'S KNOB, PENNSYLVANIA,……. AS THEY WERE BROUGHT OUT INTO THE FROSTY MORNING ENVIRONS. I HEARD SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER. THAT MIGHT BE NICE, CONSIDERING WE STILL HAVEN'T HAD AN ACTUAL CANADIAN WINTER YET.

IN GRAVENHURST, WE HAD OUR VERY OWN, "RED PIANO," AS A GROUNDHOG SUBSTITUTE (OTHER THAN MY OVERWEIGHT CAT, WHICH ON A MORNING WADDLE, ALSO DIDN'T SEE ITS SHADOW), WHICH MAY BE SEEN, AS THE REAL HARBINGER OF SOMETHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN, SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE. MAYBE. WE'RE NOT SURE. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. ONE THING IS FOR SURE, IF YOU TOOK A FEW MOMENTS ON YOUR DRIVE-BY THIS MORNING, OR ON A MORNING STROLL, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE SEEN A "PIANO SHADOW." THE PIANO WAS STILL THERE. THUS, WELL, WE'RE NOT SURE, IN A LOCAL SENSE, WHAT THAT COULD MEAN OTHER THAN "STATUS QUO FOR ONE AND ALL." THAT'S SORT OF A REVELATION. NOT QUITE AS SOUGHT AFTER AS A GROUNDHOG'S SHADOW, BUT SOMETHING WITH A LOCAL SIGNIFICANCE.

MORE THAN A WEEK AGO, I REPORTED THAT THERE WAS A MOVE AFOOT TO REMOVE THE RED PIANO, NOW FRONTLESS AND BACKLESS THANKS TO WEATHER AND VANDALS, BUT ALAS, THE VACANT LOT, ON THE MAIN STREET, AS OF 8:30 A.M. ON THE OFFICIAL GROUNDHOG DAY, NOVEMBER 2ND, 2012, WAS OCCUPIED BY ONE LONELY, SOUL-LESS RED PIANO….WITHOUT EVEN THE DIGNITY OF A SHADOW. UNLESS IT WAS REMOVED, AND LIKE THE "CAT THAT CAME BACK," THE "RED WRECK" MAGICALLY RE-APPEARED ON THE PROMINENT MAIN STREET LOT.

THE PIANO, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BUSKER'S DELIGHT, ON THE MAIN STREET, DURING THE PAST SUMMER, WAS NEVER REALLY ANYTHING MORE THAN WISHFUL THINKING. BUSKERS DID GATHER, BUT ON THE OPPOSITE, SHADY SIDE OF THE MAIN STREET, THAT HAD THE NICE BENCH TO SIT ON. THE RED PIANO WAS BAKED BY THE SUN, AND SLOWLY DEMOLISHED BY RAIN, SNOW AND ANYTHING ELSE VANDALS COULD HIT IT WITH. ALL IN PLAIN VIEW OF THOSE WHO PASS BY, IN THIS BUSY TOWN.

AS WE READ ABOUT THE CHANGES COMING FOR THE MAIN STREET BUSINESS COMMUNITY, AND PROMISES OF A BETTER TOMORROW, THERE ARE A FEW TASKS THAT NEED TO BE LOOKED AFTER TODAY…..BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, THE PROGNOSTICATORS ARE LEANING TOWARD STATUS QUO, AS THE MOST LIKELY OUTCOME. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO REVITALIZE THE MAIN STREET BUSINESS COMMUNITY, ISN'T IT JUST RESPONSIBLE STEWARDSHIP, TO TAKE CARE OF A PREVAILING EYESORE…..THAT HAS BEEN AN EYESORE FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS. THERE ARE MANY CONTRADICTIONS AND HALF INTERESTS ALREADY SHOWING THROUGH THE FACADE, OF WHAT REVITALIZATION IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN. THE REAL START HERE, IN THIS NEW YEAR, IS TO HAVE THAT RED PIANO REMOVED. IF IT REMAINS, IT WILL BE A MONUMENT TO "ALL TALK AND NO ACTION." THE LONGER IT STAYS IN THAT LOCATION, THE LESS SERIOUS THE TOWN IS ABOUT MAIN STREET RENEWAL. SO IT REALLY IS A PROGNOSTICATOR AFTER ALL. CITIZENS SHOULD MAKE A POINT OF LETTING THEIR FEELINGS BE KNOWN ABOUT THIS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ATTENDED THE MOST RECENT MEETING…..AND WERE NOT IMPRESSED ABOUT THE SHORTFALL OF PROGRESS MADE OVER THE PAST YEAR……SINCE THE LAST TIME PROMISES WERE MADE. IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO SPEND GRANT MONEY TO MAKE PHILOSOPHICAL IMPROVEMENTS, THAT LOOK GOOD ON PAPER, BUT WITHER IN REALITY. THE PIANO IS A SYMBOL OF MALAISE, AND LACK OF FOLLOW-THROUGH. THE LONGER IT STAYS ON THAT LOT, THE LESS ENTHUSIASTIC WE ARE ABOUT THE FULFILLMENT OF ACTION-PLANS FOR REVITALIZATION. THE PROOF, YOU MIGHT SAY, IS IN THE PIANO.

I HOPE IT'S GONE SOON. I WILL BE GLAD TO REPORT ON THIS, IF AND WHEN, THE SITUATION IS FINALLY RESOLVED.

BUT HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY ANYWAY.

GROUNDHOG DAY AT BIRCH HOLLOW

AS THE WEATHER PATTERNS OF THE WORLD ARE PERPLEXING US ALL, AND ALARMING ENVIRONMENTALISTS ABOUT FUTURE CLIMATE CHANGE, MOST OF US JUST TAKE IT AS OUR WORLD'S NEW NORMAL, AND GET ON WITH THE DAY. I WON'T DENY MY OWN ANXIETY TODAY, BECAUSE FRANKLY, I THINK WE ARE FOOLS, NOT TO BE GENUINELY WORRIED ABOUT THE WELFARE OF THE GENERATIONS TO COME; OUR FAMILY MEMBERS. EVEN IN THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE. IT'S MOST CONVENIENT, IN OUR HECTIC LIVES, TO JUST SWITCH OFF THE NEWS BECAUSE IT WEIGHS EVERYTHING ELSE DOWN LIKE AN INVISIBLE ANCHOR. WE'VE BECOME PRETTY GOOD, MOST OF THE TIME, LOOKING THE OTHER WAY, AND GRAVITATING TOWARD MORE CONVENIENT TRUTHS, THAN THOSE PREVAILING EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES.

THERE'S NOT TOO MUCH AVERAGE CITIZENS CAN DO TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE WORLD AT PRESENT. IT HAS BEEN REVEALED BY MANY EXPERTS IN THE FIELD, THAT IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE, AND THAT LEAVES US IN THE POSITION OF DOING WHAT WE CAN, BUT ALWAYS KNOWING IT'S NOT ENOUGH. TO THINK OF BEING FORCED TO SHARE THIS DECLINE, THAT WE HAVE INSPIRED, IS HARD TO TAKE. REGARDLESS OF HOW INNOCENT WE MAY FEEL WE ARE. TRYING TO GET A FOOT HOLD ON THIS SLIPPERY SLOPE, WILL BECOME INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT THE WAY WE ARE PROGRESSING IN POLLUTION, AND DIGRESSING IN THE WAYS TO STOP IT. THE POLITICAL WILL TO SAVE THE PLANET. WHERE IS IT. NOT IN CANADA. THEN WHERE?

I ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO GROUND HOG DAY WHEN I WAS A KID. I LOVED BEING OUTDOORS THEN, AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE SAME TODAY. TODAY HOWEVER, I SEE CONSEQUENCES OF THE WAY WE HAVE LIVED. AND THE WAY WE ARE HEADED. AS AN OPTIMIST. WELL, I'M A FAILED ONE. IN THIS REGARD, AT LEAST.

WHAT NOT TO DO WITH A FIVE HUNDRED POUND CASH REGISTER -

THE CONVERSATION PIECE AT BIRCH HOLLOW ANTIQUES THAT ALMOST KILLED A GUY

DON'T KID YOURSELF. ANTIQUE DEALERS HAVE A LITTLE CARNEY IN THEM. A SMIDGEON OF THE CARNIVAL DNA. THE THREE RING CIRCUS PIZZAZ. ADVOCATES OF THE OCCASIONAL RAZZLE DAZZLE, TO SHOWCASE THEIR TREASURES. IF I HAD THE SKELETON OR THE SHRUNKEN HEAD I'VE BEEN HUNTING FOR AGES, I'D HAVE A GREAT GRAPHIC TO ACCOMPANY THIS BLOG…..AND MAYBE I'D MAKE OUR BOYS A GENEROUS OFFER, TO SHOWCASE IT IN THEIR GRAVENHURST MUSIC SHOP. THROW A COWBOY HAT ON THE SKELETON. PUT A SMALL ONE ON THE SHRUNKEN HEAD, AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LINE-UP OF GAWKERS TAKING A GANDER. WE DEALERS LIKE TO IMPRESS OUR CLIENTELE. IT'S AN AN ODD AND OLD PASSION, YOU SEE, TO "OUT-WOW" THE COMPETITION, WITH THE BEST OF THE BEST. MOSTLY, IT'S A SHOW OF "A" QUALITY ANTIQUES. MING VASES AND PAINTINGS BY THE MASTERS. SOMETIMES IT CAN GET KIND OF WEIRD, THIS ATTEMPT TO GET THE ULTIMATE SHOW-STOPPER. I'VE HAD A FEW INTERESTING PIECES OVER THE YEARS, THAT PEAKED CUSTOMERS' CURIOSITY, BUT ONE STICKS IN MY MIND. IT WAS A DANDY. NOT WEIRD. BUT A GREAT LOCAL ANTIQUE TO PLAY WITH.

A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN CAME IN ONE DAY, WITH A COUPLE OF PHOTOGRAPHS OF A LARGE VINTAGE PIECE, HE WANTED TO SELL.TO ME SPECIFICALLY, BECAUSE I HAD THE SPACE IT REQUIRED, AND AS HE POINTED OUT, "A GOOD CEMENT FLOOR," FOR IT TO SIT ON. THAT PEAKED MY CURIOSITY. IT WAS A HUGE CASH REGISTER, WHICH I BELIEVE WAS A NATIONAL (CAN'T BE SURE NOW), THAT WAS ATTACHED TO A SUBSTANTIAL WOODEN CABINET, THAT LOOKED LIKE A VICTROLA BASE. THERE WERE DRAWERS IN THE FRONT OF THE CABINET, AND WHEN YOU HIT A CERTAIN COMBINATION OF KEYS, THE APPROPRIATE ONE OPENED. IT WAS A MAGNIFICENT PIECE, AND I BOUGHT IT SIGHT-UNSEEN. WHEN IT WAS DELIVERED, ON A TROLLEY, I WAS SPEECHLESS. I SAT IT BESIDE MY SALES DESK, AND AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED, IT WAS THE MOST INTERESTING ANTIQUE PIECE I HAD OWNED, TO THAT POINT IN MY CAREER AS A DEALER.

BARRY MARSHALL, AND HIS ASSISTANT RON YEOMAN, HAD MOVED IT WITHOUT ANY FUSS WHATSOEVER, DOWN THE SINGLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS IN THE SHOP, AND POSITIONED IT PERFECTLY FOR MAXIMUM VISIBILITY. EVEN FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, CUSTOMERS COULD SEE THE HUGE OAK AND BRASS CASH REGISTER. BARRY DID WARN ME, THAT IT WOULD TAKE A TROLLY, AND SEVERAL WEIGHT-LIFTERS TO GET IT OUT OF THE BASEMENT, IF AND WHEN IT SOLD. HE SHOWED ME HOW IT ALL WORKED, AND HOW EACH OF THE DRAWERS HAD A DIFFERENT CODE, AND A BELL BEFORE IT OPENED. ONE OF THE TRICKS, WAS TO AVOID GETTING HIT IN THE GROIN AREA, WHEN THAT PARTICULAR DRAWER SHOT-OUT OF THE MAIN CABINET. I SUPPOSE QUITE A FEW LADS FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY, WHY IT WAS NECESSARY TO STAND BACK A TAD, WHEN PLAYING WITH THOSE DRAWERS. IT HAPPENED TO A COUPLE OF MEMBERS OF THE BIRCH HOLLOW "LIAR'S CLUB," (LITERARY AND POLITICAL DEBATING SOCIETY) EVEN AFTER I WARNED THEM TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT MID-ZONE DRAWER OPENINGS. THE DRAWERS ONCE HELD INVOICES, AND THEY WERE LIKE A VERTICAL FILING CABINET.

WHAT WAS SPECTACULAR ABOUT THIS PIECE, WAS ITS ALMOST PRISTINE CONDITION. IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM. IT WAS A LATE 1900'S CASH REGISTER, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, AND IT JUST COMMANDED PEOPLE TO TAP AT IT, WHILE WAITING FOR ME TO RING UP A PURCHASE AT THE SALES COUNTER. NO I DIDN'T USE IT. I HAD AN OLD TIN BOX WITH A RECEIPT BOOK. KIDS AND THEIR PARENTS SPENT SOME QUALITY TIME, PLAYING WITH THAT AMAZING TECHNOLOGY OF YESTERYEAR. FOR A LONG TIME I DIDN'T WANT TO SELL IT. I DON'T REMEMBER PRECISELY WHAT I PAID FOR IT, BUT IT HAD BEEN A BARGAIN, I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH. BUT THEN, AS USUALLY HAPPENS IN THIS CRAZY BUSINESS, WE WENT THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH, AND IT SIMPLY BECAME NECESSARY TO OFFER IT FOR SALE. I STARTED HIGH. AND THAT'S EXACTLY THE PRICE IT SOLD FOR, AND ALTHOUGH IT TOOK ABOUT SIX MONTHS TO PAY OFF, IT HAD BEEN A PROFITABLE PURCHASE ON MY PART.

SUZANNE WASN'T SURE I'D MAKE A DIME OFF IT, BUT I PROVED HER WRONG. I LOVE DOING THAT. BESIDES, AS DEALERS, WE ARE WELL AWARE, SHOW-STOPPER PIECES, CAN ACTUALLY HELP SELL OTHER THINGS. POTENTIAL BUYERS WILL FEEL THAT ANYONE WHO WOULD HAVE A WONDERFUL PIECE LIKE THE CASH REGISTER, OBVIOUSLY KNOWS ANTIQUES VERY WELL. I'M NOT EVEN SURE, ANY MORE, WHAT THE ASKING PRICE WAS, BUT I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT IT WENT FOR ABOUT TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS, WHICH GAVE ME A SOLID MARK-UP FROM THE PURCHASE PRICE.

THE CASH REGISTER HAD ONCE BEEN OWNED BY BRACEBRIDGE'S MUSKOKA GARAGE, ON MANITOBA STREET, AND AS SOON AS MY FATHER-IN-LAW, NORM STRIPP, CAME INTO THE SHOP, HE FELL STRANGELY SILENT, FOR HIM, SEEING WHAT HE HAD LEANED-ON FOR SO MANY YEARS, IN THE "OLD DAYS" HANGING AROUND THE FORMER GARAGE. HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS STILL IN ONE PIECE. HE HADN'T SEEN IT IN ABOUT FORTY OR SO YEARS, AND ASSUMED IT WAS LONG GONE. SO WHEN HE WAS PLAYING WITH THE KEYS, AND BEFORE I COULD WARN HIM ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES, HE PUNCHED THE KEYS, DID A LITTLE DANCE BACK, AND WATCHED THE DRAWER COME WHIPPING OUT, GROIN-HIGH. "YOU SEE, I REMEMBER IT DOING THAT," HE SMIRKED. "I LOT OF GUYS GOT TAKEN IN MY THAT GAG, LET ME TELL YOU. MORE THAN A FEW GOT THEIR OWN BELLS RUNG."

I DON'T THINK THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER PIECE IN OUR COLLECTION, THAT ATTRACTED SO MUCH ATTENTION, FOR THE YEAR OR SO WE OWNED THE CASH REGISTER. I WAS SAD TO SEE IT GO, TO BE HONEST, BUT THE MONEY WAS NICE TOO. THE ONLY GLITCH WAS ITS REMOVAL. WHEN THE YOUNG MAN CAME TO PICK UP THE CASH REGISTER, HE BROUGHT AN ELDERLY GERMAN CHAP, AND DID I MENTION THE GLOVES. THEY DID HAVE PROTECTIVE GLOVES. NOTHING ELSE. NO WEIGHT-LIFTERS, NO CART, AND NO SUITABLE VEHICLE, IF AND WHEN WE DID ACTUALLY RAISE IT FROM THE BASEMENT.

BUT WHAT THEY DID HAVE ON THEIR SIDE, OR SO THEY THOUGHT, WAS THAT KIND OF MISGUIDED, TESTOSTERONE DRIVEN, "MANLY MAN" APPROACH, BELIEVING THEY COULD RAISE THIS TITANIC PIECE UP THOSE STAIRS, BY WILLPOWER ALONE. LOTS OF BLUSTER AND BACK SLAPPING, AND DISPLAYS OF MUSCLES, SOME A LITTLE INVERTED FROM THE DAYS WHEN THEY FANCIED KICKING SAND IN THE FACES OF WEAKLINGS. GADS, I KNEW WE WERE SCREWED THE MOMENT I SAW ALF AND RALPH (FROM GREEN ACRES), PLANNING TO DEAD-LIFT THE UNIT UP THE STAIRS. A FEW OF THE LIAR'S CLUB, IN THE SHOP THAT MORNING, EXPRESSED GRAVE CONCERN ABOUT THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PROJECT, AND THAT BEING TOP-HEAVY, WAS GOING TO MAKE IT AS AWKWARD AS IT WAS OUTRAGEOUSLY HEAVY. THE GERMAN FELLOW WAS VERY ADAMANT THAT IT COULD BE DONE BY OLD FASHIONED "GUMPTION," AND GOD WILLING, PROPORTIONAL LEVERAGE. OKAY. WELL, IT WAS AFTER ALL, THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO REMOVE THE UNIT FROM THE STORE. THEY DIDN'T PAY ME TO HAUL IT AWAY. SO I LET THEM CALL THE SHOTS.

NOW IT'S IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND A COUPLE OF DETAILS THAT WILL BETTER ILLUSTRATE THE SCENE, UNFOLDING HERE, IN THIS MANITOBA STREET BASEMENT-SHOP. IT WAS ABOUT NOON, ON A SATURDAY. ONE OF OUR BUSY DAYS. WE HAD ABOUT TWENTY CUSTOMERS IN THE SHOP AT THE TIME, SO I WASN'T ABLE TO DEVOTE MY TIME TO JUST ONE PROJECT. SO THE LIAR'S CLUB CRONIES, HELPED THE TWOSOME SLIDE THE CASH REGISTER THE LENGTH OF THE ROOM, UP TO THE BASE OF THE STAIRS. AT THE POINT THEY WERE SETTING ABOUT TO LIFT IT UP ONTO THE FIRST STAIR, IN THE PROGRESSION OF ABOUT TWELVE STEPS, I CAME AROUND THE COUNTER TO HELP OUT. ONE MUST ALSO APPRECIATE, THE CASH REGISTER WAS ABOUT TEN INCHES LESS THAN THE WIDE OF THE ACTUAL STAIRCASE. THIS MEANT ABOUT FIVE INCHES ON EACH SIDE TO GET OUR HANDS IN TO GUIDE IT UP THE STAIRS. THIS SHOULD HAVE CAUSED INITIAL CONCERN, BUT THE ELDER FELLOW WAS LATE FOR WORK, AND DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF PATIENCE FOR THE JOB AT HAND. FAIR ENOUGH.

SO THE IDEA WAS THIS. THE GERMAN BLOKE, WAS AT THE FRONT, WITH THE STAIRS AT HIS BACK. NOW THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN WAY, TO DEAD LIFT THE CASH REGISTER IN THIS FASHION. WHEN WE TRIED TO POINT THIS OUT, THE CO-ORDINATOR OF THE JUMBO LIFT, SHOT BACK, "JUST PUSH LADS, PUSH!" I THOUGHT LIFT WAS THE WORD WE WERE WAITING FOR, NOT PUSH. SO BY JESUS, WE TRIED OUR BEST, FROM THE BACK SIDE, TO GET THAT UNIT UP ON THE FIRST STAIR. WE DID IT! WE PUSHED. AND PUSHED. IT WAS A MAGNIFICENT SHOW OF STRENGTH AND ENDURANCE. HERE'S A POINT AS WELL. WITH A TROLLY, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN UP THE STAIRS, AND OUT THE DOOR, IN THE SAME TIME IT TOOK US TO MAKE IT UP TO THE FIRST STEP. THIS IS WHEN THINGS GOT INTERESTING. WE GOT TO A POINT WITH THE LEAN OF THE UNIT, AS TOP HEAVY AS A CAR ON STILTS, THAT IT SIMPLY BECAME TOO MUCH FOR THE OLDTIMER ON THE STAIRS. GRADUALLY, THE GUY LOST HIS ABILITY TO KEEP IT UPRIGHT. WE HAD ALMOST NO SAY IN THE MATTER, BECAUSE THERE WAS LITTLE WAY OF BALANCING THE PIECE ONCE IT PASSED THE THRESHOLD, GRAVITY DOING THE REST.

I'D NEVER SEEN A GROWN MAN CRY LIKE THAT BEFORE. IT CAME OVER GRADUALLY, SO THERE WASN'T A BIG BANG OR ANYTHING. BUT THE FULL WEIGHT OF THE CASH REGISTER LANDED IN HIS CROTCH. NOT JUST THAT, BUT APPARENTLY HE WAS HITTING THE RIGHT BUTTONS, BECAUSE THE DRAWERS WERE SMASHING HIS LEGS LIKE HAMMERS. I THOUGHT THE GUY'S HEAD WAS GOING TO EXPLODE. SO WHAT TO DO NOW. THERE WAS NO MORE THAN FIVE INCHES OF CLEARANCE ON EACH SIDE, TO TRY AND GRAB THE FRONT OF THE WOODEN BASE. MOST OF US COULDN'T GET OUR ARMS IN FAR ENOUGH TO GRAB ANYTHING. THIS GUY, BENEATH THE UNIT, WAS SINGING LIKE A CANARY, AND IT WASN'T PRETTY. IT WAS GOOD HE'D ALREADY RAISED A FAMILY, BECAUSE HE WAS DEFINITELY GETTING A CHEAP NEUTERING. SO THEN ADD ON, THE FACT, THAT I'VE GOT ABOUT TWENTY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO EXIT THE SHOP, AND TWO KIDS WHO WERE COMPLAINING THEY HAD TO PEE, AND THIS GERMAN GENTLEMAN GETTING CRUSHED ON THE STAIRS. NOW WHEN THE GUY WAS YELLING AT US, IT WAS AS IF HE'D SUCKED BACK A WHACK OF HELIUM, AND IT TOOK US A LOT OF GUMPTION, AS HE SAID EARLIER, TO AVOID LAUGHING ABOUT THE STAIR IMPASSE.

SO HERE WAS THE EMERGENCY PLAN. WE NEEDED TO GET ONE OF THE LIAR'S CLUB MEMBERS, OVER THAT REGISTER, AND THE GUY TRAPPED BENEATH, TO HELP LIFT IT BACK OFF HIS, WELL, PRIVATE PARTS. THE PROBLEM OF COURSE, WAS THAT IN ORDER TO DO THIS, WAS GOING TO REQUIRE ONE OF US, ADDING TO THE WEIGHT OF THE UNIT ON THE GUY'S GROIN. WE HAD TO CRAWL UP AND OVER THE UNIT TO HELP HIM OUT. THE SMALLEST GUY WEIGHED ABOUT TWO HUNDRED POUNDS, AND WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE CASH REGISTER AND STAND, THAT WOULD HAVE MEANT THE VICTIM THUSLY, COULD HAVE PUT THE FAMILY JEWELS IN A VERY THIN ENVELOPE, FROM THAT POINT IN HIS LIFE. THANKFULLY, JUST AS WE TOYED WITH THIS PLAN, A MOUNTAIN OF A MAN CAME THROUGH THE STORE DOOR, AS IF BY THE GRACE OF GOD. IN ONLY SECONDS, THE CASH REGISTER WAS UPRIGHT AGAIN, AND DOWN OFF THAT FIRST PRECARIOUS STEP. AND WHILE THERE WAS AN UNDIGNIFIED MASSAGING OF THE GROIN, AND A LOT OF WHEEZING, THE RESCUE HAD BEEN SUCCESSFUL WITH MINIMAL PHYSICAL DAMAGE DONE. OF COURSE THERE WAS A LITTLE PRIDE THING THAT DIDN'T FARE SO WELL BUT I'M TOLD THAT OUTSIDE OF A FEW BRUISES, THAT WERE NEVER REVEALED, THANK GOODNESS, THE GUY SURVIVED; THE TWOSOME REMAINED FRIENDS FOR SOME TIME TO COME.

THE NEXT WEEKEND, MOVERS CAME WITH A TROLLY, AND WITHIN FIVE MINUTES, THE CASH REGISTER WAS HEADING TO ITS NEW HOME. EVER SINCE, I'VE TRIED TO AVOID PURCHASING ITEMS LIKE THE CASH REGISTER, FOR SOME PRETTY OBVIOUS REASONS. ANTIQUE DEALERS TEND TO BE GOOD AT RETROSPECTIVES, BUT NOT SO GOOD AT "IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT" DECISION MAKING. EVERY GIRL I DATED, AND THE ONE GAL I MARRIED, ALWAYS FIGURED I HAD SOME SORT OF UNDIAGNOSED DISABILITY WITH PERCEPTION. I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THEIR ASSESSMENT. I'D BEEN A HOCKEY GOALIE, A BASEBALL FIELDER, AND A GOLFER, ALL REQUIRING FINELY TUNED PERCEPTION. "THEN WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE FLAT-TO-THE-WALL PINE CUPBOARD YOU JUST BOUGHT, WON'T FIT INTO MY VOLKSWAGON (BEETLE)," MY GIRLFRIEND WOULD YELL OUT IN FRUSTRATION, AT THE CONCLUSION OF MANY AUCTION SALES. MOST OF THE TIME SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'D PURCHASED, UNTIL I ASKED HER TO HELP ME CARRY IT TO THE CAR. "ARE YOU NUTS TED," SHE'D BLURT. "IT WON'T FIT IN MY CAR. NO WAY." IT'S TRUE. I FREQUENTLY ASKED IF SHE WOULD DRIVE ME TO THESE AUCTIONS, IN HER NICE LITTLE ORANGE CAR. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES WE DROVE HOME WITH HUGE PIECES HANGING OUT THE WINDOWS, AND THE FAMILIAR SOUND OF A DOMESTIC IN PROGRESS. SHE ALWAYS STARTED WITH THE SAME INTRODUCTION, THAT WAS ALMOST MUSICAL TO MY EARS. "YOU STUPID, STUPID MAN. YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE." I COULD RESPOND TO THAT, BY SAYING, "BUT I LOVE YOU….DOES THAT COUNT FOR ANYTHING?" "IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU CREEP, YOU WOULDN'T BUY ALL THIS STUFF AND JAM IT INTO MY CAR." IN ALL FAIRNESS, I COULDN'T LOAD IT IN MY CAR. I DIDN'T HAVE ONE.

THE FINAL STRAW, WAS WHEN I WAS LOADING IN A TIDY LITTLE VICTORIAN LOVE SEAT…..NOW TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK LIKE IN A BEETLE, AND I HEARD A SOUND THAT BROKE HER HEART. BROKE MINE TOO. "TED, YOU JUST PUSHED THE LEG THROUGH THE CEILING," SHE SAID, HER RED FACE NOW MATCHING HER RED HAIR. SHE WAS RIGHT. THERE WAS AN "L" SHAPED TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF THE CAR'S CEILING, THAT I'M PRETTY SURE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY VICTORIAN ANTIQUE. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY ANTIQUE DEALERS FOUND THEMSELVES IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS, DURING THEIR YEARS DATING, BUT I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, IT WAS A GAME CHANGER FOR ME. "YOU'RE JUST INSANE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU ANY MORE," SHE YELLED AT ME, AS WE STARTED TO GET A BIGGER CROWD AROUND US, THAN THE AUCTIONEER WHO WAS STILL SELLING STUFF. "I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU DEAR," I SAID, NODDING AND WAVING OFF THE GALLERY. "MAKE IT UP, MAKE IT UP….I'LL TELL YOU HOW YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT UP," SHE MUMBLED, GETTING IN THE CAR, AND SLAMMING THE DOOR SO HARD I COULD TASTE THE METAL CHIPS FLYING OFF. YOU KNOW, SHE NEVER DID TELL ME HOW I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO HER. BUT IT WASN'T LONG AFTER, THAT SHE GAVE ME "THE PROVERBIAL HEAVE-HO," OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MY MATES TOLD ME IT'S CALLED, WHEN A GIRL HITS YOU IN THE HEAD WITH A SPENT WINE BOTTLE. I DESERVED WHAT I GOT. DID IT CHANGE ME? I'M NOT GOING TO ASK MY WIFE THAT QUESTION, BECAUSE FRANKLY, IT ONLY MAKES HER MAD TO RECALL MY PAST INDISCRETIONS, WITH THE SHIPPING AND HANDLING OF REALLY BIG ANTIQUE ITEMS, I THOUGHT WOULD FIT IN THE VAN.

I SUPPOSE IT WAS MY FAULT THE GERMAN CHAP WAS NEARLY NEUTERED THAT DAY ON OUR SHOP STAIRS. I SHOULD HAVE INSISTED, FOR SAFETY REASONS, THAT A TROLLY BE EMPLOYED TO REMOVE THE CASH REGISTER. OH WELL, RETROSPECTIVES ARE WHAT THEY ARE AFTER ALL. CAN'T CHANGE WHAT IS NOW IN THE BIRCH HOLLOW HISTORY BOOK.

"YOU JUST GET CARRIED AWAY," SUZANNE SAID TO ME ONE DAY, AT A LOCAL AUCTION IN BRACEBRIDGE, WHEN I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE HOOSIER CUPBOARD INTO THE VAN, WITHOUT HAVING TO DISMANTLE IT FIRST. AS SUZANNE REALLY WANTED THAT PIECE FOR HER KITCHEN, WELL SIR, SHE SPIT ON HER HANDS, PULLED UP HER SLEEVES, AND BY GOLLY, THAT CUPBOARD WAS SHOVED SO FAR INTO THE VAN IT PUSHED THE FRONT SEATS UP TO THE DASHBOARD. "THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE, TED," SHE SAID WITH A WINK. THIS GAL IS A KEEPER, I CHORTLED TO MYSELF. "WE'RE GOING TO DO GREAT THINGS IN THIS BUSINESS."

THANKS FOR JOINING TODAY'S ANTIQUE HUNTING BLOG.