Antique Shop Appraisals and Why Not

THE ANTIQUE SHOP AND THOSE WISHING APPRAISALS -

SOME I WISH HAD GONE ELSEWHERE-

I HAVE A PASSIVE SIDE. WHEN SUZANNE AND I ARE OUT ANTIQUE HUNTING, I'M KEEN, ADVENTUROUS, CO-OPERATIVE, INTERESTED IN GOOD CONVERSATION, AND I VERY MUCH ENJOY MEETING PEOPLE. PUT ME IN A SHOP, BEHIND A SALES DESK, AND TELL ME I'M THERE FOR THE DAY, AND THE NEGATIVES START JUMPING ON EACH OTHERS BACK TO ESCAPE THROUGH MY EARS.

EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, SOMEONE WILL ASK IF I MISS HAVING AN ACTUAL ANTIQUE SHOP. A FEW TIMES EACH YEAR, SOMEONE ELSE, WILL ASK IF I THINK THEY SHOULD OPEN AN ANTIQUE SHOP. AND THERE ARE TIMES WHEN, IN THE COURSE OF GENERAL CONVERSATION, I'LL BE ASKED TO JOIN SOME ANTIQUE CO-OP OR MALL. THE ANSWER TO EACH OF THE ABOVE IS A RESOUNDING "NO." I MUST FOOTNOTE THIS, BECAUSE WE ARE ALREADY CONNECTED TO OUR BOYS' VINTAGE MUSIC SHOP, HERE IN GRAVENHURST. BUT THE POINT IS, I WOULDN'T PERSONALLY PARTICIPATE AS A VENDOR IN AN ANTIQUE MALL, NOT BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THEM…..BECAUSE I DO, BUT RATHER, SUZANNE AND I HAVE A SIMPLE, NO FRILLS RETIREMENT PLAN TO ENJOY ANTIQUES. FOR A LOT OF YEARS WE DIDN'T, BECAUSE OF THE HUSTLE AND FINANCIAL BURDENS OF RUNNING A SHOP, AND WORRYING CONSTANTLY ABOUT THE BOTTOM LINE. WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT THESE DAYS, AND WE DON'T OWE A PENNY ON THE COLLECTION WE OWN.

MY ADVICE TO OTHERS, WELL, DON'T COUNT ON THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS, IN A RETAIL SETTING, TO MAKE YOU RICH. COMFORTABLE? SURE. JUST NOT A BUSINESS, IF YOU ARE THE AVERAGE GENERAL DEALER, THAT IS GOING TO REPLACE BEING EMPLOYED BY SOMEONE ELSE. THE EXPENSE OF RUNNING A SHOP THESE DAYS, IS ENORMOUS, AND WITH RENT, INSURANCE AND UTILITIES, NOT TO MENTION BUSINESS AREA TAXES, ADVERTISING AND INVENTORY COSTS, AND A FICKLE AUDIENCE, IT BECOMES ALMOST COST PROHIBITIVE. EVEN A SMALL CO-OP SHOP CAN BE A TREMENDOUS COST BURDEN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN A SEASONAL, TOURIST ECONOMY, LIKE WE ARE IN MUSKOKA. IT DOESN'T MEAN TO SUGGEST YOU CAN'T MAKE A BUCK IN THE ANTIQUE FIELD, RUNNING A NORMAL RETAIL SHOP, BUT IT NECESSITATES DIVERSIFICATION THAT MANY FOLKS DON'T UNDERSTAND. I GOT PAID TO RESEARCH LOCAL HISTORY, AND WRITE FOR THE LOCAL PRESS, AT THE SAME TIME AS SELLING ANTIQUES. OUR BOYS, ANDREW AND ROBERT, TO BOLSTER THEIR SHOP ECONOMY, OFFER GUITAR LESSONS, AND PROVIDE TECHNICAL SERVICES TO AREA ENTERTAINMENT VENUES. JUST TO PAY THE RENT, AND HAVE A FEW BUCKS AT THE END OF THE WEEK FOR FUN STUFF. STILL NOT TOO MUCH LEFT FOR RRSP'S. FOR A YOUNG BUSINESS, THEY ARE DOING QUITE WELL, AND OPERATE WITHOUT ANY BANK LOANS OR CREDIT CARDS.

WHEN WE HAD OUR LITTLE SHOP, IN CENTRAL BRACEBRIDGE, WITH HIGH TRAFFIC GOING BY THROUGHOUT THE BUSINESS DAY, IT WAS A MONSTROUS TASK GETTING THE LOCAL POPULATION TO POP THROUGH THAT FRONT DOOR. I USED TO SPEND ABOUT A HALF HOUR, ON DAYS THAT WERE GOING TO BE DRY, WEATHER WISE, LOADING STUFF OUT ON THE FRONT DRIVEWAY, IN THE HOPES OF ATTRACTING ATTENTION FROM THOSE SAME PASSERSBY. I USED TO KID THE MEMBERS OF THE BIRCH HOLLOW LIAR'S CLUB, THAT I COULD SIT A TOM THOMSON ART PANEL OUT FRONT, WITH A "FREE "SIGN ON IT, AND IT WOULD LAST FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK, WITHOUT ONE TOWN RESIDENT CHECKING IT OUT. AS A LONG TIME CITIZEN OF BRACEBRIDGE, I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY AREA FOLKS REFUSED TO CHECK US OUT. HAVING GROWN UP IN THIS TOWN, HEARING THE LOCALS TALK ABOUT "TOURIST TRAPS," REFERRING TO BUSINESSES THAT PRICE THEIR WARES HIGHER, BASICALLY TO FLEECE THE SUMMER VISITORS, I STARTED THINKING THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE PROBLEM. I TRIED FOR YEARS, IN VAIN, TO PROVE TO THESE SAME PERMANENT RESIDENTS, THAT WE WERE A HOMETOWN BUSINESS, AND OUR PRICES WERE LOWER THAN COMPARABLE SHOPS IN ONTARIO.

THE ONLY WAY WE SURVIVED, WAS TO MAKE OUR SHOP INTO A SMALL CO-OP, WITH A FEW OTHER LIKE-MINDED ANTIQUE DEALERS, AS WELL AS TAKING HUGE AMOUNTS OF CONSIGNMENT INVENTORY, THAT GOT US THROUGH THE RECESSION OF THE EARLY 1990'S. IT WASN'T MY PREFERENCE, BECAUSE I HATED HAVING OTHER PEOPLE CONTROLLING MY DAY TO DAY BUSINESS; BUT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES, AND A SUMMER SEASON ECONOMY. IT WAS A LOT OF WORK. I WAS WORKING FOR THEM, AND IF OUR SALES WEREN'T SHOWING A GOOD RETURN, SUCH THAN CONSIGNERS WEREN'T HAPPY WITH THEIR PROFITS, WE COULD HAVE LOST IT ALL TO A COMPETITOR. THIS WAS A TRICKY BALANCE, AND SUZANNE AND I HAD TO BE VERY FOCUSED ON MAKING WEEKLY IMPROVEMENTS, TO SHOWCASE THESE IMPORTANT CONSIGNMENT PIECES. WE ALSO HAD TO BALANCE RELATIONS WITH OTHER VENDORS WE RENTED SPACE, AND IT BROUGHT ON SOME PROBLEMS, EVEN IN THE FIRST YEAR. AN ORIGINAL PARTNER GOT IN A SNIT, BECAUSE OF SOMETHING RELATED TO LOCAL NEWSPAPERS, OF WHICH HE AND I WERE ALSO EMPLOYED AT THE TIME. WHEN I WENT TO THE COMPETITION NEWSPAPER, IN ORDER TO FEED MY FAMILY, IT DESTROYED THE ANTIQUE SHOP PARTNERSHIP. SO WE TOOK ANOTHER PARTNER, SHARING THE RETAIL SPACE. WHEN HE LEFT, WELL, WE GOT ANOTHER. WHEN SHE LEFT, I SAID TO SUZANNE, THIS SHOP IS NOW OURS! NO SOONER HAD I SPOKEN THOSE WORDS, THAN I WAS OFFERED AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC RELATIONS POSITION I COULDN'T AFFORD TO TURN DOWN. MY LAST WORDS OUT THAT DOOR, AFTER WEEKS OF DISMANTLING, WERE "NEVER AGAIN."

IF I WAS GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN RETAIL AGAIN, I MOST CERTAINLY WOULD JOIN THE RANKS OF VENDORS IN ONE OF THE LARGE ANTIQUE MALLS……BECAUSE THEY MAKE PERFECT SENSE, TO FOLKS LIKE US…..WHO LOVE THE PROFESSION, ENJOY THE ANTIQUE HUNT, BUT DON'T WANT TO STAND IN A SHOP EVERY DAY HOPING AGAINST HOPE, SOMEONE WILL COME IN AND BUY SOMETHING…….TO COVER THE COSTS AND PUT A MODEST SUPPER ON THE OLD HARVEST TABLE. WE ENJOY GOING TO ANTIQUE MALLS BECAUSE WE GET A GOOD LONG WALK, FOR EXERCISE, CLIMATE CONTROL, AND AN ABSOLUTELY HUGE INVENTORY TO PERUSE. I WILL ALWAYS ADORE HOLE-IN-THE-WALL SHOPS, AND WE VISIT THEM IN OUR REGION FREQUENTLY. WHEN SUZANNE RETIRES, WE DON'T WANT TO SHUT OURSELVES INTO A MAIN STREET BOX, AS A REWARD FOR ALL THOSE YEARS ON THE JOB. THE ONLY TIME I'VE EVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS, WAS DURING THE "SHOP" YEARS, WITH THOSE TITHES TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT NOW. I PREFER WORKING AT THIS TRADE WITHOUT FETTERS OR TETHERS, AND WE'VE PROVEN WE CAN USE A VARIETY OF VENUES, AND SPECIAL EVENTS, TO SUCCESSFULLY SELL WHAT WE COLLECT OUT ON THE HUSTINGS.

ONE OF THE THINGS I DREADED, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, WHEN WE HAD THE STOREFRONT, WAS THE PARADE OF APPRAISAL SEEKERS. NOW WHAT MAY SEEM A WEE BIT CONTRADICTORY, IS THAT THE BENEFIT OF A MAIN STREET, ACCESSIBLE BUSINESS, IS THIS PARADE OF FOLKS LOOKING TO SELL THEIR ANTIQUE WARES. SHOULD HAVE BEEN. IT WASN'T. IN FACT, IT WAS A NUTTER PARADE NINETY PERCENT OF THE TIME. MY BOYS NOW WATCH A REALITY SHOW ABOUT PAWN SHOPS, ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, AND THEY HOWL WITH LAUGHTER AT SOME OF THE CRAZY STUFF THAT HAPPENS IN THOSE CITY BUSINESSES. WELL, AT THE TIME WE WERE RUNNING OUR SMALL ANTIQUE SHOP, THERE WERE NO PAWN OR HOCK SHOPS IN OUR REGION. SO, WE FILLED IN THE VOID. SO WE HAD TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE WHO ARRIVED AT OUR SHOP WITH STEREOS, TELEVISIONS, MANY PAINTINGS ON VELVET, NEW FURNITURE, AND EVEN NEW POTS AND PANS. QUITE A FEW OF THESE PEOPLE DID NOT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE WORD "ANTIQUE" MEANT, SO THEY ASSUMED, BY WHAT WE HAD OUTSIDE AS A DISPLAY, THAT WE PROBABLY ALSO SOLD SLIGHTLY USED CLOTHING, NEW BOOKS, CAR PARTS, AND CAMPING GEAR. CRIPES, I HATED TO SEE THESE PEOPLE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS WITH EVERYTHING FROM BABY SWINGS AND CRADLES, TO HUGE CABINET STEREOS NO MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLD. SOME OF THESE SELLERS COULD GET NASTY, WHEN I REFUSED TO BUY WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS PRECIOUS. I HAD MANY OTHERS WHO BROUGHT IN ITEMS THAT WERE ABSOLUTE JUNK, AND FIGURED I'D HAND OVER THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF OWNING…..WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO THE LANDFILL SITE.

I REMEMBER ONE YOUNG MAN COMING DOWN TO MY COUNTER, WITH A LARGE FRAMED, BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPH, OF AN EARLY 1900'S BICYCLE CLUB. IT WAS A NICE COMBINATION PIECE, BECAUSE THE FRAME WAS PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE, AND THE PHOTOGRAPH WAS OF A POPULAR SUBJECT FOR BIKE COLLECTORS…..AND THOSE INTERESTED IN THE HISTORY OF TORONTO. THE PROBLEM OF BEING AWAKENED FROM THE SLUMBER OF SLOW BUSINESS, AND BEING THRUST INTO THE ROLE AS APPRAISER, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IS THAT I WOULD FORGET TO ASK WHAT THE APPRAISAL WAS FOR. THIS CAN CREATE A STINKER OF A PROBLEM. I WOULD NORMALLY ASK IF THE APPRAISAL WAS FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES, (OF WHICH I WAS ONLY QUALIFIED FOR MUSKOKA HERITAGE ITEMS), PERSONAL INTEREST (SUCH AS IF IT WAS A FAMILY HEIRLOOM, NOT FOR SALE) OR ONE FOR ME TO OFFER IN THE EVENT THE ITEM(S) IS FOR SALE. SO I'D OFFER A PRICE I THOUGHT IT WOULD SELL FOR IN A LARGER SHOP, IN A MORE DYNAMIC MARKETPLACE. IT'S WHAT THE ANTIQUE ROAD SHOW-TYPE EVENTS OFFER, TO CLIENTS, BY SUGGESTING THE PRICE A PIECE MIGHT SELL FOR, IF PLACED "AT AUCTION." WELL, IN MUSKOKA, YOU JUST COULDN'T DO THAT, BECAUSE THE AUCTIONS WERE ALL SIMPLE, COUNTRY, ESTATE AUCTIONS, WHERE ONE DIDN'T OFTEN FIND MING VASES OR GROUP OF SEVEN ORIGINALS. SO ON THIS VINTAGE PHOTOGRAPH OF THE CYLCE CLUB, I OFFERED A MARKET VALUE APPRAISAL OF TWO HUNDRED BUCKS. WELL THAT DIDN'T PLEASE HIM. IT'S AS IF I'D INSULTED HIM, BY OFFERING SUCH A LOW AMOUNT.

I LOVE WHEN, IN SUCH A SITUATION, THE CUSTOMER TRIES TO APPEAL THE DECISION, LIKE IT'S A COURT RULING OR SOMETHING. "I WAS OFFERED $200 FOR THE FRAME ALONE," HE SHOT BACK. I SAID, (AS WAS MY TRADEMARK IN THESE SITUATIONS), "YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN IT." FOR WHATEVER REASON, THE GUY JUST WOULDN'T LET GO OF THIS REALITY, I WOULDN'T PAY HIM FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR THE PICTURE AND FRAME. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN, THAT EVEN IF I WAS TO MAKE AN OFFER ON THE FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH, IT WOULD BE A QUARTER OF WHAT I HAD APPRAISED IT AT ORIGINALLY. WELL THAT BLEW HIS MIND. FROM THAT POINT ON, HE DECIDED TO EDUCATE ME IN THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS. IN FACT, HE EVEN PHONED ME AT HOME, LATER THAN SAME EVENING, LOOKING FOR ME TO "UP" THE PRICE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT OUR CONVERSATION, BUT FORTUNATELY THE SOUND OF THE RECEIVER BOUNCING OFF THE PHONE CRADLE, PUT THE EMPHASIS WHERE WORDS OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T.

I USED TO LOVE THE TOOLS WHO WOULD COME IN WITH SOME ARTICLES, DUMP THEM ON MY DESK, LOOK AT ME AS IF I SHOULD JUMP TO ATTENTION, KISS THEM ON THEIR OUTSTRETCHED HAND, AND PASS AS MUCH FOLDING MONEY AS I COULD FROM MY CASH BOX. ONE LADY, WHO I DIDN'T LIKE FROM OTHER PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS, CAME IN TO THE SHOP WITH A BIG BOX OF OLD BOOKS. SHE BUTTED IN AHEAD OF ANOTHER CUSTOMER I WAS TALKING TO, AT THE TIME, AND PROCEEDED TO UNLOAD EVERY SINGLE BOOK ONTO THE COUNTER. SHE DID HER THING, PUT THE BOX ON THE FLOOR, AND THEN STOOD THERE WITH HER ARMS FOLDED, WITH A "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR" LOOK ON HER WRINKLED LITTLE FACE. IT WAS A COLLECTION OF CANADIANA, AND I KNEW WHAT THEY WERE WORTH. BUT I DIDN'T WANT THEM, AS I WASN'T SELLING ENOUGH CANADIAN HISTORY, AT THAT POINT, TO BUY MYSELF TWO COFFEES A WEEK, LET ALONE A COMPANION DONUT. SHE DEMANDED THAT I TELL HER WHAT THEY WERE WORTH. NOT WANTING TO EMBARRASS MYSELF, OR THE CUSTOMERS IN LINE, OR MY WIFE HIDING BEHIND THE COUNTER, I GAVE HER WHAT THE SHOP PRICE WOULD BE…..ONCE AGAIN, IN A WIDER, MORE POPULATED MARKET AREA. NOT MUSKOKA. SHE REARED BACK, AS IF I'D SPIT ON HER BOOKS, COMPLAINED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT, LOADED THEM QUICKLY INTO THE BOX, AND MARCHED OUT OF THE STORE……, MUMBLING ABOUT NEVER, EVER COMING BACK INTO MY SHOP. ACTUALLY, I WOULD HAVE LIKED THAT IN WRITING, BECAUSE SHE DID MAKE ONE OTHER APPEARANCE LATER ON, THAT ENDED ABOUT THE SAME WAY.

THERE WAS ANOTHER JERK, WHO THOUGHT HE WAS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT RARE BOOK DEALER IN THE UNIVERSE. BUT HE WAS ALSO THE CHEAPEST PERSON, ALSO IN THE UNIVERSE. BESIDES THAT, HE HAD A WEASLE DEMEANOR I FOUND OFFENSIVE RIGHT OFF THE BAT. HE'D COME IN WITH HIS SISTER, WHO WAS A WHINER, AND THE TWO OF THEM WOULD SPEND AN HOUR IN THE SHOP, LOAD UP MY COUNTER SO THAT I COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER TRANSACTION, WITHOUT COMING AROUND THE COUNTER, AND THEN ARRIVING LIKE A TWO HEADED WEASLE-SNAKE, AND SAY, IN A NASAL UNITY, "NOW, LET'S NEGOTIATE ON THESE PRICES, WHICH ARE REALLY HIGH." PART OF THE PROBLEM, I IDENTIFIED A NUMBER OF BLOGS BACK, IS THAT I'M GENERALLY IMPATIENT AS A SHOP CLERK. I'M ALSO A FORMER HOCKEY PLAYER, WHO LOVED TO FIGHT. SO IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY HEART AND MIND, LIKE A NINJA, TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THESE ONE-SIDE HAGGLING EVENTS. I WANTED TO GRAB THAT GUY, PULL HIS SWEATER OVER HIS HEAD, AND START HITTING HIM WITH ONE OF THE BOOKS HE DUMPED ON MY DESK. SERENITY NOW. SO I'D SIT THERE, WITH SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS, AND PLAY THE GAME. I'D HONESTLY GET TO THE POINT WHERE, JUST TO GET RID OF HIM, AND HIS PERSNICKETY SISTER, THAT I'D EVEN THROW-IN A KIDNEY, IF THEY'D JUST LEAVE. I DON'T SHOP LIKE THIS, AND I WOULD NEVER BE SO RUDE, AS TO PLACE ITEMS I INTENDED TO PURCHASE, AND THEN BROW BEAT THE SHOP CLERK, LOOKING FOR A BETTER DEAL.

ANOTHER CUSTOMER USED TO SHOW UP AND DO SOMEWHAT THE SAME, BUT THE TRADEMARK LINE WAS, "WHAT'S YOUR BEST PRICE?" SUZANNE WOULD GET JUST AS MAD AS ME, AND FIRE BACK A PRICE, THAT WAS ABOUT TEN DOLLARS HIGHER THAN THE PRICE TAG. "WELL, YOU ASKED FOR MY BEST PRICE. AND THAT WOULD BE THE BEST!" I USED TO LIKE IT WHEN SUZANNE GOT RILED, BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS CAME DOWN HARD ON ME, FOR LOSING MY TEMPER.

THERE WAS ANOTHER OCCASION, WHEN THIS CHARMING ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, WITH HIS DAUGHTER, ARRIVED AT THE SALES DESK WITH A SIMILAR ARM LOAD OF OLD BOOKS AND FRAMED PICTURES. HE LOOKED A LITTLE WOBBLY, AND ASKED FOR A CHAIR. WELL SIR, HE SETTLED INTO THAT CHAIR, WIGGLED HIS ARSE AROUND FOR AWHILE, AND THEN, AS IF EBENEEZER SCROOGE HAD CRAWLED OUT OF A NEARBY "DICKENS," HE BEGAN BERATING ME, AS THE DUMBEST DEALER, AND MOST RIDICULOUSLY PRICED SHOP IN ALL OF CIVILIZATION. SHORT OF CALLING ME "A BUM," AND A "COMPLETE WASTE OF SKIN," HE MUMBLED MUCH MORE THAN I ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND. SUZANNE GRABBED MY ARM, AS IF TO SAY, "TED, HE'S AN OLD MAN. DON'T HURT HIM." BY GOLLY, IT WAS A CLOSE CALL. I STARTED TO FANTASIZE HOW I WAS GOING TO EJECT HIM FROM THE STORE. THERE WASN'T A "SCRUFF OF THE NECK" TO GRAB, ON THE SKINNY LITTLE FART, ALTHOUGH HIS DAUGHTER LOOKED LIKE SHE COULD BE FLUNG RATHER FAR. BEFORE YOU THINK ME CRUDE FOR THINKING THIS, I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS A FAR MORE COMMONPLACE FANTASY AMONGST ANTIQUE DEALERS, THAN YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT. THINK ABOUT THIS THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO LOW-BALL SOMETHING. LOOK AT OUR EYES. THAT'S WHERE YOU SEE THE INNER FIRE.

SO AFTER I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I'D SOONER DIE IN THE JAWS OF A GRIZZLY, THAN GIVE THEM AWAY AT HALF PRICE, I SENSED HE PICKED UP ON THE FACT HE WASN'T GOING TO GET EVERYTHING HE WANTED, PILED ASKEW ON MY SALES DESK. SO HE STARTED TO DIVIDED THE ITEMS, AND AFTER A LITTLE BIT MORE HAGGLING, AND MINOR BERATING, WE FOUND A SUITABLE PRICE TO GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF THE SHOP. SO HE AND HIS DAUGHTER, (I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN HIS MISTRESS) GRABBED UP THEIR PACKAGES AND HEADED FOR THE EXIT. OF COURSE, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH TO ASK, THAT THE ITEMS BE TAKEN BACK TO WHERE THEY HAD BEEN FOUND, SO I COULD TEND THE CUSTOMER STANDING BEHIND. SO WHILE SUZANNE AND I WERE LETTING OFF A LITTLE BEHIND-THE-SCENES STEAM, SO AS NOT TO CARRY THIS MOOD ONTO THE NEXT IN LINE, THE CHAP BEHIND DOES PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING. WHAT SHOCKED ME, WAS THAT THEY WEREN'T PICKING UP ON THIS "DANGER, DANGER" THING, I HAD TO BE EMITTING LIKE AN ALARM BELL. THE GUY DID THE SAME PITCH, MINUS THE PERSONAL INSULTS. WHICH SAVED HIS SCRAWNY ARSE, BECAUSE I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, IT WAS A CLOSE CALL. SUZANNE IS GOOD AT CALMING ME DOWN.

THE ONE THAT BOTHERED ME THE MOST, WAS THE LADY WHO HAD PLACED A FIFTY DOLLAR DEPOSIT ON A HOOSIER CUPBOARD, WE HAD IN THE SHOP FROM A CONSIGNOR. IT WAS SIX MONTHS BEFORE THE PURCHASER CAME BACK TO THE STORE. AS SOON AS SHE WALKED INTO THE SHOP, I WAS DELIGHTED, BECAUSE SHE WOULD NOT RETURN MY PHONE CALLS. THE CONSIGNOR HAD BEEN MORE THAN PATIENT, AND THE OUTSTANDING AMOUNT WAS UPWARDS OF FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. ORIGINAL HOOSIER CUPBOARDS WITH ALL THE GLASS BOTTLES AND LIDS, ARE DESIRABLE AND EXPENSIVE. SO THE LADY PILED A WHOLE BUNCH OF ITEMS ON MY DESK, SMILED AT ME, AND ASKED ME TO GIVE HER A TOTAL. I DID SO, AND THE AMOUNT CAME OUT TO FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS GIVE OR TAKE A DIME. SHE SMILED, BATTED HER EYES, AND SAID "YOU CAN TAKE THAT OUT OF THE DEPOSIT MONEY I PUT ON THE HOOSIER. I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT," SHE SAID, SO SOFTLY AND YET DETERMINED. I COULD HEAR MY MARCHING HEARTBEAT COMING UP THROUGH MY THROAT. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MAM," I ASKED. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CABINET." "IT DOESN'T FIT MY DECORATING SCHEME NOW," SHE ANSWERED. "BUT THEN YOU DON'T GET YOUR DEPOSIT BACK. IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN," I RESPONDED, TAPPING MY FINGERS LIKE A SNARE DRUMMER IN THE LOCAL CITIZENS BAND. "DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE KEEPING MY MONEY?" "YES," I QUALIFIED, THE LOOK OF DISFAVOR I'M SURE WAS NOW ETCHED ON MY FACE. "I'M GOING TO TELL MY LAWYER ON YOU," I THINK SHE SAID. I CONCURRED, SUGGESTING HOWEVER, THERE WOULD BE NO POINT, ON HER PART, BECAUSE THIS IS THE VERY NATURE OF "A NON-REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT," AND I POINTED OUT, THAT EVEN IF SHE DID PURSUE LEGAL RECOURSE, SHE WOULD HAVE TO SPEND THREE TIMES THE AMOUNT, TO GET BACK FIFTY. SO SHE CRIED, MADE ME FEEL LIKE A CAD, PUSHED THE ITEMS ON THE COUNTER TOWARD ME, SAYING, "I DON'T WANT THIS STUFF ANY MORE." WHAT SHE HAD TRIED WAS A RUSE. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. SHOW SOME GOOD WILL, BUYING THINGS FROM THE SHOP, AND THEN ASKING THAT A SIX MONTH OLD DEPOSIT, COVER THE PURCHASE PRICE. WHEN IN FACT, SHE BROKE A SALES AGREEMENT TO FINISH PAYING THE BALANCE OF THE HOOSEIR, WHICH WAS $500. I SIMPLY REFUSED TO TAKE DEPOSITS AFTER THIS. I'M PRETTY EASY TO DEAL WITH, MOST OF THE TIME, BUT THESE KIND OF VENDOR-CUSTOMER DISAGREEMENTS TOOK A LOT OF FUN OUT OF THE ANTIQUE BUSINESS……THAT HAD BEEN THE RELAXING BUSINESS I'D WANTED US TO RETIRE TO, HERE IN THE MUSKOKA HINTERLAND.

AS AN ANTIQUE DEALER, YOU LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH HAGGLERS, KNOW-IT-ALLS, WEASELS, PRICE TAG FLICKERS, AND SHOPLIFTERS. I'LL TELL YOU MORE ABOUT SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES IN A COMING BLOG. BUT IT WAS THE FRONT LINE EXPERIENCE FOR ME, THAT DIDN'T FIT MY PERSONALITY. I BEGAN THE STOREFRONT ENTERPRISE, BEING VERY NAIVE ABOUT THE KIND OF SCENARIOS THAT COULD DEVELOP. SUZANNE WOULD OFTEN LECTURE ME ABOUT BEING TOO ACCOMMODATING, AND MUCH TOO FLEXIBLE WITH MY PRICING DISCOUNT, WHICH I ALWAYS GAVE TO CUSTOMERS I LIKED. THE WAY TO GET A BETTER PRICE FROM ME, MOST OF THE TIME, WAS TO BE KIND AT THE COUNTER. IT IS ALSO IMPORTANT TO NOTE, FOR THE RECORD, THAT THERE WERE ALWAYS MORE POLITE AND FRIENDLY CUSTOMERS THAN THE ANNOYING ONES, AND THAT FACT CERTAINLY SMOOTHED OUT THE DAY'S EVENTS. BUT IT WAS THIS STRESS-TEST ALONE, THAT PROVED TO ME, I WAS NOT CUT-OUT TO BE A FULL TIME CLERK. I LOVE HUNTING ANTIQUES AND COLLECTIBLES, AND IT'S NO HARDSHIP AT ALL TO REFINISH PIECES, AND I WILL ALWAYS VOLUNTEER TO HELP SUZANNE ON A SPECIAL FABRIC REPAIR PROJECT, SUCH AS WITH A QUILT. BUT I DETEST SOME OF THE UGLINESS THAT CAN HAPPEN AT THOSE SALES DESKS. SUZANNE, WITH A MUCH MORE EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND IN RETAIL SALES, AND SHOP MANAGEMENT, (BACK IN HER DAYS WITH THE FAMILY MARINA, AND THE LOCAL GOLF CLUB IN WINDERMERE) HAS AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF DEFLECTING CRITICISM, AND HOLDING THE LINE ON RIDICULOUS OFFERS. SHE USUALLY COMES OUT THE WINNER, UNLESS, LIKE ME, SHE JUST WANTS TO GET RID OF A NASTY PIECE OF WORK. AND THAT COULD GET YOU A DISCOUNT OR A NUDGE IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SHOP DOOR.

IT'S NOT THAT I AM TRYING TO DISCOURAGE FOLKS FROM OPENING ANTIQUE SHOPS IN THE FUTURE. BUT I ALSO DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO IGNORANCE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE NITTY GRITTY OF THE WAY IT IS.

THANKS FOR JOINING TODAY'S BLOG. MORE TO COME.