Christmas Dinner On A Chrome Table That Pinched My Fingers

CHRISTMAS DINNER ON A CHROME TABLE THAT PINCHED MY FINGERS

FUNNY WHAT YOU REMEMBER ABOUT "THE HOLIDAYS"

     WHEN WE LIVED UP AT 129 ALICE STREET, WHICH WAS BETTER KNOWN AS "THE WEBER APARTMENTS," BACK IN THE HALCYON DAYS OF MY CHILDHOOD, CIRCA 1960'S TO MID 1970'S, WE LIVED LIKE THE OTHER RESIDENTS OF THOSE AFFORDABLE UNITS. WE CALLED IT "TRYING TO SURVIVE." MY MOTHER WAS ALWAYS A MINIMALIST, SO IT FIT RIGHT IN WITH US BEING OF MODEST INCOME. FOR CHRISTMAS, WE RELIED ON A BOX OF OLD ORNAMENTS AND TRIMMINGS MERLE HAD BROUGHT WITH US, WHEN WE MOVED FROM BURLINGTON TO BRACEBRIDGE. AS SHE DID ROUTINELY, THE CARDBOARD BOX WITH THE BEST ORNAMENTS WERE TOSSED OUT WHEN WE MOVED. IT BECAME A TRADITION WITH MERLE. IT HAPPENED EVERY TIME THEY MOVED THERE-AFTER. ORNAMENTS THAT WEREN'T BUSTED WHEN THE TREE WOULD TOPPLE OVER BY HAPPENSTANCE, WERE THEN TOSSED OUT THE NEXT TIME WE CHANGED RESIDENCES. WE ACTUALLY BEGAN ACCUMULATING ORNAMENTS AT THE WEBER APARTMENTS, BECAUSE IT WAS ABOUT NINE YEARS BETWEEN MOVES.

     MOST OF OUR ORNAMENTS WERE OF THE TACKY VARIETY, BUT MERLE DIDN'T CARE. WE HAD LITTLE WHITE STUCCO HOUSES WITH RED PLASTIC WINDOWS THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ILLUMINATED BUT NEVER WERE. SHE HAD A TYPICAL DISPLAY OF PLASTIC POINSETTAS, WITH SOME SPARKLING STALKS OF SOMETHING ELSE, FOR THE OLD FLOWER VASE SHE USED ON OUR ROUND COFFEE TABLE IN THE LIVINGROOM. SHE WOULD PUT OUT A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CLOTH FOR THE VASE TO STAND UPON. MERLE WOULD BUY CHRISTMAS CANDLES BUT NEVER USE THEM YEAR AFTER YEAR. IN FACT, WHEN SHE DIED A FEW YEARS BACK, I FOUND SOME OF THOSE SAME CANDLES I REMEMBERED FROM ALICE STREET. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT SHE NEVER BURNED ANY OF THEM. SHE HAD A COMMERCIAL EXAMPLE OF A YULE LOG, MADE OF BIRCH THAT HAD TWO HOLES FOR CANDLES, AND PLASTIC FLOWERS GLUED ONTO THE OUTSIDE. I THINK MERLE PICKED THIS UP, WITH THE NATIVITY SCENE, AT THE BURLINGTON WOOLWORTH STORE ON BRANT STREET IN BURLINGTON. IT WOULD BE PLACED ON THE KITCHEN TABLE WHEN IT WAS EXPANDED FOR THE EXTRA FOOD OF THE CHRISTMAS DINNER.

     I LOVED CHRISTMAS DAY, BECAUSE WE GOT TO EXTEND THE CHROME TABLE TO PUT IN THE LEAF MY FATHER KEPT BACK IN THE CLOSET. THE PROBLEM WITH THE TABLE WAS THAT IT REFUSED TO OPEN WIDE ENOUGH TO ACCOMMODATE THE INSERT. SO ED AND I HAD TO TUG ON IT FOR ABOUT A HALF HOUR, AND EVEN THEN, BY THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE MISSION, BOTH OF US HAD CUTS ON OUR HANDS AND PINCH BRUISING. THEN WE'D GET IT TOO WIDE, AND WHEN IT WAS NECESSARY TO PUSH THE TWO ENDS TOGETHER, TO SQUEEZE THE INSERT INTO PLACE, IT WOULD TAKE ALL OUR EFFORT TO GET IT TO MOVE AN INCH, AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT WOULD LET GO WITH GREAT EASE, AND GOD FORBID ONE OF US WOULD HAVE A FINGER IN THE CREVICE. MERLE HAD A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CLOTH, AND DESPITE THE FACT IT WAS A PLAIN TABLE, WITH VINYL COVERED CHAIRS, THE ADORNMENTS ON THE TABLE MADE IT LOOK LIKE A GREAT KING'S GROANING BOARD. THERE WERE ALWAYS CANDLES ON THE TABLE BUT THE ONES THAT WE LIT, WERE THE PLAIN ONES MERLE HAD GOT ON SALE AT THE FIVE AND DIME STORE. SHE'D ACTUALLY MOVE THE CHRISTMAS ONES OFF THE TABLE WHEN WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO EAT.

     THERE WAS ALWAYS A GREAT GOLDEN BIRD EMERGE FROM THAT TINY APARTMENT OVEN, AND THE TABLE WOULD BE FULL OF THOSE COLORFUL PYREX BOWLS..., RED, GREEN, YELLOW AND BLUE, ALL OF DIFFERENT SIZES. ED WAS VERY ACTIVE IN SPECIAL MEAL PREPARATION, AS HE OFFICIATED FOR MOST OF HIS FINAL YEARS WHEN MERLE WAS LIVING AT HOME. SHE WAS PLACED IN A NURSING HOME FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. ED WASN'T AS KEEN TO MAKE BIG MEALS, ALTHOUGH WE USED TO HAVE CHRISTMAS AT HIS HOUSE NONE THE LESS. HE HAD LOST A LOT OF HIS ENTHUSIASM FOR THE SEASON, AND WE HAD TO COERCE HIM TO PUT UP THE OLD TREE MERLE LOVED. SON ANDREW WAS ALWAYS ABLE TO CONVINCE HIM TO KEEP UP THE CELEBRATIONS BECAUSE IT WAS HEALTHY AND IMPORTANT TO HIM (ANDREW). ED WOULD DO ANYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE HIS GRANDSONS' HAPPY. AND THEY ADORED HELPING HIM WITH ANY PROJECT, INCLUDING THE ANNUAL APARTMENT DECORATING, IN MERLE'S STYLE OF COURSE.

    WE ATE WELL. IN FACT, BACK IN THOSE YEARS, SUNDAY DINNERS AS WELL, PROVIDED DINNERS FOR THE NEXT THREE TO FOUR NIGHTS. SO AT CHRISTMAS, THEY ALWAYS FOUND THE BIGGEST BIRD FOR THE CHEAPEST MONEY, WITH THE IDEA OF HAVING FOUR DINNERS AFTER THE FIRST NIGHT. AND BY GOLLY, THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT WORKED OUT. THE FIRST LEFT-OVER MEAL WAS IDENTICAL TO THE CHRISTMAS DINNER, ONLY ONE DAY OLDER. THE SECOND NIGHT OF LEFT-OVERS MEANT A HOT TURKEY SANDWICH WITH GRAVY; THE THIRD WAS TURKEY SANDWICHES AND TURKEY SOUP, AND THE FOURTH WOULD HAVE BEEN A SORT OF TURKEY-IN-PASTRY TYPE AFFAIR. THE STUFFING WAS THE FIRST TO RUN-OUT AND THEN THE CRANBERRY JELLY, THE KIND YOU SLIDE FROM A CAN. BY THE FINAL NIGHT, THERE WAS JUST THE FLAVOR OF TURKEY WITH A LOT OF FILLER AND OTHER LEFT-OVERS PILED IN.....LIKE BEANS AND TURNIP WHICH I DESPISED AT THAT TIME IN MY LIFE.

     FOR THAT CHRISTMAS MEAL, WE ALWAYS HAD FESTIVE CRACKERS THAT HAD A LITTLE GUNPOWDER IN THEM, FOR A SHARP REPORT WHEN THEY WERE PULLED FROM EITHER END; AND WE HAD TO WEAR THE BIG PAPER HATS INSIDE, AND PUT THE LITTLE TOY FROM INSIDE THE CRACKER, BESIDE OUR PLATE. THEN THERE WAS THE FAMILY PHOTOGRAPH. MOSTLY ME TAKING PICTURES OF MOM AND POP WITH OUR OLD BROWNIE CAMERA....WITH THE HATS HALF FALLEN OVER THEIR EYES, ED WITH A GLASS OF WINE LIFTED FOR THE CAMERA-MAN. THESE WERE TYPICAL PERIOD IMAGES RIGHT DOWN TO THE BOWLS ON THE TABLE.....AND THE TABLE CLOTH WITH THAT UNMISTAKABLE 1960'S FLOURISH OF VIVID COLORS AND LARGE FLOWERS. IT WAS ABOUT AS FAR FROM ELEGANT BUT I WAS IN LOVE WITH THE SHEER NOSTALGIA OF THE HOLIDAY....INCLUDING THE CHRISTMAS RECORDS WE HAD, AND THE SHOWS WE WATCHED ON TELEVISION. LET'S JUST SAY BING CROSBY FACTORED INTO THREE OF THEM; "GOING MY WAY," "THE BELLS OF ST. MARY'S," AND "WHITE CHRISTMAS."

     THE CHRISTMAS TREE WAS ARTIFICIAL BECAUSE MY MOTHER HAD BURNED OUT TWO VACUUMS BY SUCKING UP PINE NEEDLES, THAT CLOGGED THE INTAKE. THE TREE LOOKED GREAT WITH ITS MULTI-COLORED LIGHTS, AND TINSIL, BUT COMPARED TO THE MARTHA STEWART INSPIRED TREES OF TODAY, (EVEN OURS), MERLE AND ED HAD A MINIMALIST TREE IN ALL ITS DIMENSIONS. THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT FORTY OR SO DECORATIONS, AND FOUR STRANDS OF LIGHTS, WHICH ONLY TWO WORKED. THE PRE-CHRISTMAS PERIOD WAS SPENT TRYING TO FIND OUT WHICH BULB WAS FAULTY, AND THAT NEARLY DROVE MY DAD NUTS. SO EVENTUALLY WE'D JUST GIVE UP AND ENJOY THE LIGHTS THAT DID WORK. CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OF MODEST PROPORTION AND I SPENT MOST OF THE DAY BREAKING MY TOYS, AND PLAYING ROAD HOCKEY, OFTEN WITH MYSELF; BECAUSE I NEVER REMEMEBER A TIME WHEN I DIDN'T FIND A H0CKEY STICK OR PUCKS BELOW THE TREE. I GOT A COUPLE OF HOCKEY NETS UNDER THERE AS WELL, ON A COUPLE OF CHRISTMAS MORNINGS, BUT THEY WERE ALWAYS POORLY MADE, AND I'D BLOW OUT THE MESH BY THE END OF THE DAY. EVEN A FROZEN TENNIS BALL WOULD BREAK THROUGH THE MESH. IT WAS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTED. YOU KNOW, I LOVED THOSE CHRISTMASES BECAUSE OF THE SIMPLICITY OF IT ALL. WE ARE FAR MORE ELABORATE AS A FAMILY NOW, THAN I REMEMBER FOR CHILDHOOD. BUT I KNEW WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY, SO I DIDN'T ASK FOR EXPENSIVE THINGS FROM SANTA. I ALWAYS MANAGED TO GET A K-TELL RECORD FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT MERLE WAS RELUCTANT TO LET ME USE HER STERO, OUT OF FEAR I WOULD BREAK IT. I'D ASK HER WHY SHE'D BUY ME A RECORD, IF I COULDN'T PLAY IT ON HER STEREO. SHE HAD A REASON, AND IT WAS ALWAYS THE CASE, THAT I WAS TOO HARD ON THINGS. I'D JUST WAIT TILL SHE WENT OUT TO WORK, OR SHOPPING, AND I'D DO MY BEST TO BREAK THE PHONOGRAPH. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T, SHE BLAMED ME ANY WAY. AH, IT WAS JUST THE WAY SHE WAS, AND THE WAY I BECAME, OUT OF THAT TRADITION. THEY WERE SIMPLE CHRISTMASES BECAUSE IT'S WHAT WORKED FOR MY PARENTS, AND I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH THEIR MODESTY. I KNEW OTHER FAMILIES WERE HAVING LARGER CELEBRATIONS, WITH MORE OF EVERYTHING, IN BIGGER HOMES, BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING WONDERFUL IN THE HONESTY OF A SMALL, HUMBLE, INEXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS, AND I SURVIVED WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE. FOR MERLE AND ED, THE CHRISTMASES WE CELEBRATED, WERE PERFECTLY SUITED TO A FAMILY OF THREE, AND WE MADE THE MOST OF WHAT WE HAD.....AND IF I FELT DISADVANTAGED, IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT THEY REALLY NEEDED, BUT COULDN'T AFFORD....AND THAT WAS A CAR THAT WOULD GO MORE THAN FIVE MILES WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN. IT DID WORK OUT BETTER FOR THEM AS YEARS WENT BY, AND AT THE END, THEY'D DONE MUCH BETTER FOR THEMSELVES FINANCIALLY, AND COULD BUY EXACTLY WHAT THEY NEEDED FOR HOME COMFORTS AND TRANSPORTATION. BUT THEY NEVER ONCE HAD A CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION BIGGER THAN WHAT WAS ABSOLUTELY NEEDED, FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT AND DINING PLEASURE. THEY STILL TREATED THE TURKEY AS A WEEK-LONG DINING PLEASURE; ITS DOMINANCE, FROM SANDWICHES TO SOUP, AND THERE WAS ALWAYS ENOUGH TO SHARE.

     I DO MISS MERLE AND ED'S CHRISTMAS DINNERS, AND THE WAY THEY COULD BUILD A FESTIVAL OUT OF SO LITTLE.

     I HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS SEASON SO FAR.