The Changes Of The Seasons - Neighborhoods

THE CHANGE OF SEASONS - OUR TOWN -ALL NEIGHBORHOODS

THERE ARE GOOD TIMES AND TIMES NOT SO GOOD, BUT WE ARE HOME, AND THIS IS HEART-FELT

     WE ALL HAVE MOMENTS IN OUR LIVES, WHEN WE WONDER HOW THINGS WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT, IF WE HAD MARRIED DIFFERENTLY. IF WE HAD LIVED SOMEPLACE ELSE, WORKED AT ANOTHER JOB, AND HAD THE MONEY TO BUY A BIGGER HOUSE, LIVING IN A MORE ELEGANTLY APPOINTED NEIGHBORHOOD.

     IF WE HAD FOLLOWED OUR INSTINCTS INSTEAD OF OUR HEART, WOULD WE BE HAPPIER TODAY? IF WE HADN'T MADE THE DECISION TO MOVE WEST OR EAST, AND OPTED TO STAY WHERE WE WERE BORN? A TRUE HOMETOWN. FROM BIRTH TO DEATH. OR IS IT ALL PRE-PLANNED? HAS IT ALL BEEN PRE-DESTINED? HAVE WE REALLY HAD ANY CHOICE WHATSOEVER, IN THE CHANGES THAT OCCUR, SOME MORE PROFOUND THAN OTHERS; THAT CHANGE OUR DIRECTION SLIGHTLY AT TIMES, AND SEVERELY ON OTHER OCCASIONS?

     MOST OF US ONLY THINK OF THESE THINGS, WHEN WE FIND OURSELVES FACED WITH THE SUCCESSES OF OTHERS, OR FAILURES FOR THAT MATTER, AND WHEN AT SOCIAL OCCASIONS, WE LOOK AT AN OLD FLAME AND WONDER, JUST WONDER MIND YOU, WHAT LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF THE PARTNERSHIP HAD ENDURED?  THEN WHEN YOU DISCOVER, THAT THE REASON SHE, OR HE, AS IT MAY BE, ISN'T AT THE PARTY, IS BECAUSE OF A TRAGIC MISHAP RESULTING IN THEIR FATALITY. THERE IS AS MUCH AGONY IN THIS MINDFUL WANDERING, AS THERE IS JOY AND EXPECTATION. WE CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT, AND SOMETIMES WHAT WE WANT WILL HURT US BADLY.

     WE ARE MORTAL…..AND WE CAN'T OUTRUN OUR FLAWS. WE CAN'T HELP THINKING ABOUT THE "WHAT IFS" OF LIFE. AS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW NAIVE I AM, I CONTINUE TO BE ASTONISHED EACH YEAR, WHEN HEARING ABOUT ACQUAINTANCES OF OURS, LEAVING THEIR SPOUSES FOR A LOVE INTEREST, AFTER DECADES OF MARRIAGE. I MUST CONFESS THAT I'M  ALWAYS PROFOUNDLY STAGGERED BY THESE PERSONAL CALAMITIES, BECAUSE MOST OF THE PARTNERSHIPS THAT FAIL, SEEMED ABOUT AS SOLID AND ENDURING AS YOU COULD EXPECT FROM A STORY-BOOK ROMANCE. MANY THAT I'VE KNOWN, BEGAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. FROM ANY LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP, YOU GATHER THE "HOW DO YOU DO IT" QUESTIONS. SURE, A FEW BLIPS AND LASTING DIFFERENCES OF OPINION, BUT NOT A TOTAL COLLAPSE. EVEN IN THE PAST MONTH, I'VE BEEN SHOCKED TO FIND OUT ABOUT THESE MARRIAGES GONE BUST. GEEZ, IF THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF ACQUAINTANCES, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE LARGER BALLYWICK? IS THIS A GROWING TREND? JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS? IS SUZANNE LOOKING TO IMPROVE ON THE OLD FART IN THE CHAIR BESIDE? GADS, I BETTER SHAPE UP, OR I MIGHT BE SHIPPING OUT, IF THIS REALLY IS A DEEPENING TREND. ONLY KIDDING DEAR, HOW COULD YOU DO BETTER THAN ME? I DON'T THINK I WORDED THIS RIGHT. HOPE SHE'S HAD A GOOD FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL, SO THAT WHEN SHE READS THE LINES ABOVE, SHE'LL CHUCKLE INSTEAD OF GETTING INFURIATED. FOLKS TELL ME I'VE INFURIATED THEM, AND THAT'S GOOD SOME OF THE TIME, JUST NOT WHEN IT'S YOUR PARTNER. I'VE SLEPT ON THE VERANDAH BEFORE. IT'S NOT SO BAD.

THE HOMETOWN HAS SEEN IT ALL

     I think it's what I liked most about the book our town was named after, and the author who obviously was a student of what neighborhood chemistry is all about….and was like in his day. William Henry Smith's book, "Gravenhurst; or Thoughts on Good and Evil," published in 1862, is still enormously popular amongst scholars, who find its simple, basic approach to human nature, in the collective of community, still relevant to the new age neighborhoods, where life and relationships flourish, successes are rampant, joy is forthcoming, and pleasure is attained by the sheer exercise of waking each morning, to see another beautiful day emerging through the sun-glow. But with joy comes sorrow, and with success, one must appreciate those who, on the contrary, experience unspecified but damning failure. With the appreciation of pleasure, can come the sudden shift of unpleasant circumstance. As William Henry Smith points out, through the text of his well known philosophy of "commonplace," that one can not appreciate the true measure of joy without knowing dismay. The weight of tragic circumstance is what it is, based on the parallel height of triumph and ecstasy. If no one ever died, how would we know how to express ourself after the fact? To appreciate grief, there must be a parallel (opposite) reaction, such as the wonderful feeling, at hearing the plaintive cries of a newborn. Yet within moments of birth, in this same community of commonplace, someone might also die. Within moments of each event, we are flooded with conflicting emotion, and forced to make sense of what seems the perils of life itself……that there are so many crossroads from the first moments of existence, until the end.

     There are times, here, when we are stunned by news of a tragic death of a young person, and there doesn't seem to be any answer to our questions. Even long held faith can be rocked by this community news, which casts upon all of us, the guilt that companions a sense of failure; our inabilities to stop what seems a growing inevitability. When we see a churchyard full of young people, mourning a friend, who took his own life, what can we make of the scene, other than to feel, as they, that somehow our society, our town, the neighborhood, friends and family have failed to protect our kin. What did we miss, that might have re-shaped the future? How could we have intervened? Was it a failing of friends, to have missed the warning signs, or was it the case, no one could have seen this type of tragic circumstance manifesting in the weeks and days before? Was it a failing of our modern community; that admittedly is now a place, where we don't know each other the way we used to…..when neighbors borrowed cups of sugar and lawn mowers, and passed the time of day with easy conversation. Are we distancing from those stereo-typical days made popular in the 1960's by "Andy of Mayberry?" Or were we ever like that? I think we were. I'm willing to bet we were. Closer then. Much closer! 

     It can be proven time and again, that intervention can work. There are as many cases, I'm sure, when help doesn't change the outcome, more than to delay it for the time being. It is the commonplace of life, even as Smith saw it, and wrote about it in "Gravenhurst," that these are the vulnerabilities of life overall. We are susceptible to all the influences, all of the time, and while it might appear our social conscience might prevail, and change the course of our lives for the better, we can not stop the meteor from eventually landing on our heads. Even the safest bunker, will be useless in the event of a catastrophic weather event, or the launching of a missile from one hometown to another. There are things we can control, and much of it, beyond our capability to endure. When I looked at the youth gathered to pay farewell to their friend, I wondered aloud to my partner, if these associates, at their age, really understand what death is all about. Do they truly understand the finality, and the mysteries associated with demise, such that they appreciate what this loss will remind them of in the future. Will they think badly of their hometown? I don't expect many of them have seen the movie, "It's A Wonderful Life," to get a Hollywood philosophy, about what life and the neighborhood will be like, without those citizens who left life prematurely. The history that "their demise" will change us, by their absence. The change in the network of friends, and relationships, and the turns at the crossroads for the rest of their lives. It's not just the loss of one person, but the loss to each who had a distinct, day to day relationship, that will now be forced at the crossroads, to make turns they didn't anticipate, or that they might never have chosen, without the influences of a sudden death.

     As with the well known play, "Our Town," this is the cycle of life. As I can not imagine my life without Suzanne, and the company of my lads, I know one day, my time in this mortal coil will expire, and like those young people consoling one another on the church lawn, there will be a gathering of my friends and colleagues, and they'll wonder how things will change without a daily blog, or the occasional newspaper column, or even the familiar hobbling of an old journalist / antique dealer, heading for another day in the family shop on Muskoka Road. Life goes on. I'd like to think the bells will ring a little, and there will be a few tears shed, and maybe even some nice words spoken by those who knew me best. But moments after the dust hits my coffin top, and the wake has commenced, it should come as no surprise that the stock market is still ticking away, and the world hasn't lost any of its momentum. The seasons are what they are, and joy and sorrow still mingle with daily lives, in the chapters of successes, and failures, hopes and aspirations, actuality and reality, in our minds at each crossroad we arrive at……wondering which way is best for us. But never being able to refuse, the command to make a decision. Right or wrong. There is no loitering allowed. 

     Thanks for joining today's blog. Please visit again soon. Give a little thought about hometown then and now. Have we changed? Do we still care about our neighbors? Why have we drifted apart, even though our properties still abut?