The Music Angels Make; I've Got The Music In Me - Sort Of

THE MUSIC OF ANGELS - IS THAT WHAT I HEARD ON MY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE?

BRINGS A NEW SIGNIFICANCE TO "I'VE GOT THE MUSIC IN ME!"

     I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT MY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE WITH A GUARDIAN ANGEL....MORE TIMES THAN MOST READERS CAN ABIDE. YET IT WASN'T UNTIL A FEW YEARS AGO THAT I COULD DO THIS, BECAUSE HONESTLY, I HAD NO PLAN OR BASE IDEA, HOW TO DESCRIBE MY ENCOUNTER. AS A WORDSMITH FOR A LOT OF YEARS, WRITING ABOUT ALL KINDS OF WEIRD STUFF, AND STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCES, INCLUDING THE PARANORMAL, THIS WAS PARTICULARLY ODD.....THAT I JUST COULDN'T FIND AN APPROACH THAT WOULD MAKE IT BELIEVABLE. WHEN YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT A MEETING WITH AN ANGEL, ON A MISSION FROM GOD, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW THE SCENARIO IS PRESENTED. I DIDN'T WANT READERS TO THINK I WAS BEING BOASTFUL, THAT I HAD ENJOYED AN ENCOUNTER WITH AN ANGEL, AND THEY HAD MISSED OUT. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN A REGULAR CHURCH-GOER "WHY DID THAT GUY GET TO EXPERIENCE AND ANGEL.....I'M THE ONE WHO GOES TO CHURCH TWICE A WEEK.!" I THINK IT WAS ALSO A CASE THAT I FEARED BEING CONSIDERED OF UNSOUND MIND, AND LIKE THE PERSON CLAIMING TO HAVE SEEN GHOSTS AND UFO'S....A WEE BIT OF A NUTTER. I KNOW QUITE A FEW PEOPLE AROUND THESE PARTS, WHO HAVE SEEN GHOSTS AND UFO'S, BUT WILL ONLY ADMIT IT TO ME, ON CONDITION I NEVER PUT THEIR STORIES TO PRINT. I HAVE RE-TOLD THEIR STORIES, MANY TIMES, BUT THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD DO TO ME, THAT WOULD MAKE ME REVEAL MY SOURCES. OF COURSE, THIS EXCLUDES WHIPPING, WATER-BOARDING, WEDGIES, AND ANYTHING ELSE OF A PAINFUL NATURE. I HAVE A LOW THRESHOLD FOR PAIN, WHICH RULES OUT ANY ACTS OF BONDAGE, OR HEAVEN-FORBID, GRATUITOUS BEATINGS, FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. I'M A FIELD OF DAISIES KIND OF LOVER.
      THERE WAS A POINT IN MY WRITING, THAT ARRIVED ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO, WHEN ALL THE RESERVATIONS HAD FALLEN AWAY, AND I BECAME MUCH LESS PENSIVE REGARDING THE POTENTIAL FALL-OUT, WRITING ABOUT SUCH INTIMATE EVENTS IN MY LIFE. WHEN THE ENCOUNTER OCCURRED, IN MY ILLNESS-INDUCED DREAM, I WAS JUST A KID, WHO DIDN'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING MORE ABOUT ANGELS, THAN A SEASONAL RECOGNITION, OF THE GOLD ONE, WE USED TO PLACE ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE EVERY DECEMBER. I DID KNOW ABOUT GOD AND ANGELS GENERALLY, AS A KID FROM MY GENERATION WAS BOUND TO APPRECIATE, FROM THE BASICS OF SCHOOL BIBLE-STUDY; BUT AS FAR AS WHAT I DREAMED, NOTHING I HAD LEARNED OR EXPERIENCED, TO THAT POINT, COULD HAVE INFILLED ALL THAT OCCURRED IN THIS DREAM. SO BY TIME I HIT MY MID-FIFTIES, IT SEEMED AN APPROPRIATE TIME, AND POSSIBLY EVEN A LAST CHANCE, TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT, AT LEAST, TO DESCRIBE MY DREAMLAND DATE WITH A GUARDIAN ANGEL. SORT OF LIKE THE HOLLYWOOD VERSION, OF "CLARENCE" THE WINGLESS GUARDIAN ANGEL, IN THE MOVIE, "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE." MINE WAS INFINITELY BETTER LOOKING THAN CLARENCE, BUT THAT'S A MOOT POINT. AND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I WRITE ABOUT THIS, AS I FIND SOME CONTEMPORARY RELEVANCE, THAT TAKES ME BACK, IT REMAINS MY ONGOING FEAR, THAT IT WILL ONLY EVEER BE CONSIDERED A SENSATIONALIST STORY, TO BOOST READERSHIP, FOR A BLOGGER DOWN ON HIS LUCK. I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS. BUT THERE IS NO REWARD I WANT, OTHER THAN TO HAVE IT CONNECT WITH OTHERS, WHO HAVE, OVER A LIFETIME, EXPERIENCED SIMILAR CHANCE MEETINGS.....THEY COULDN'T RATIONALIZE LET ALONE EXPLAIN. NOW THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT. JUST FOR A LARK, TELL SOMEONE YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'VE RECENTLY HAD A VISION OF AN ANGEL. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS 2014, AND WE SHOULD REALLY BE ENLIGHTENED, I'M WILLING TO BET, MOST RESPONSES WOULD START WITH, "YEA, RIGHT, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING?" BUT AS A SIDEBAR TO THIS SIDE, AS ONE WHO HAS LONG BEEN ABLE TO SENSE AURAS, I KNOW THOSE PEOPLE, EVEN FROM A DISTANCE, WHO WOULD AT THE VERY LEAST, BE WILLING TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEA, THAT SCIENCE CAN'T CONCLUSIVELY DEFINE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN LIFE....AND BEYOND. YET FOR SOME REASON, IT OFTEN SEEMS MORE IMPORTANT TO CRACK THE TOUGH NUT INSTEAD....AS THEY ARE THE MOST RESISTANT TO NEW IDEAS AND EXPANDED HORIZONS.
    I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT MY ENCOUNTER WITH THIS PARTICULAR GLORIOUS GUARDIAN ANGEL, AT LEAST TEN TIMES IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS; AND EACH TIME, THE RECOLLECTION IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. IN LARGE PART BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT A LOT MORE TIME, ON THIS SIDE OF MY LIFE, RE-LIVING THE EXPERIENCE.....WHICH BY THE WAY, HAS ALWAYS BEEN CRYSTAL CLEAR IN RECOLLECTION. I HAVE ALSO SPENT CONSIDERABLE TIME, RESEARCHING THE STORIES OF OTHERS, WHO HAVE HAD PARALLEL EXPERIENCES. I AM ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT IT WAS THE ILLNESS THAT CONTRIBUTED TO THE FEVER-INDUCED DREAM. YOU CAN ARCHIVE BACK THROUGH THIS BLOG, BY SEARCHING FOR "ANGEL" OR "GUARDIAN ANGEL," TO FIND THE LENGTHY VERSION OF EVENTS, LEADING UP TO WHAT HAS BECOME A LIFE-ENHANCING DREAM, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY FORGET, AT LEAST WHILE BEING OF SOUND MIND. IT WAS A MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE, BEING IN FRONT OF THIS MAGNIFICENT MESSENGER, WITH LARGE ROUNDED WINGS, WHO COMMUNICATED WITH ME, BY HER COOL, COMPASSIONATE GAZE, AND NOT BY ANY SPOKEN WORD. NOT ONE. THERE WAS THE FEELING, IN THIS DREAM, THAT I WAS HOVERING A FEW FEET ABOVE THE FLOOR, IN HER PRESENCE, AND UNABLE TO MOVE LIMBS OR EVEN TURN MY HEAD. OUTSIDE OF BEING PROFOUNDLY INFLUENCED BY HER HEAVENLY FEATURES, AND THE BRILLIANT (BUT NOT BLINDING LIGHT) GLOW AROUND HER, THERE WERE TWO STRONG SENSORY IMPRESSIONS, OF WHAT I BELIEVE WAS OF UNEARTHLY COMPOSITION. ONE WAS THE SCENT OF AN INCENSE OR SPICE, OF WHICH I WOULD RECOGNIZE IMMEDIATELY, BUT ONE I HAVE NEVER SMELLED IN ACTUALITY, ANYWHERE ELSE IN A HALF CENTURY. THE OTHER, WAS A VIBRATION OF MUSIC, THAT IF YOU HEARD, CHANCES ARE, YOU WOULD AGREE IT WAS SOMETHING NEVER HEARD BEFORE....AND POSSIBLY EVEN CALL IT "HEAVENLY." THIS IS WHAT I'D LIKE TO HIGHLIGHT TODAY. IF GOD ALLOWED ME TO HEAR HEAVENLY MUSIC, WHILE I WAS ILL, HOW CLOSE WAS I TO BITING THE BIG ONE? I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT, AS I'M RATHER PARTIAL TO THIS LIVING-LIFE-TO-THE-FULLEST THING. WHILE BEING SKEPTICAL IS WHAT I DO BEST, AS A COLUMNIST, I UNDERSTAND HOW MANY OF YOU ARE FEELING AT THIS POINT. WHO GAVE THIS GUY A BLOG? WHO CAN THIS GUY WRITE ABOUT POLITICAL CHAGRIN, ONE DAY, RIMSTEAD AND MCLUHAN THE NEXT, AND THEN HAVE THE GALL TO POSE FICTION AS FACT? WELL, A GUY LIKE ME, THAT'S WHO! WHO FRANKLY, HAS GIVEN UP WORRYING WHETHER OR NOT, I CONFORM TO ALL THE SOCIAL, CULTURAL NORMS, THAT KEEP ME COLORING CORRECTLY (FOR MY OWN GOOD) WITHIN THE LINES, ON THE INSIDE; "PLAYFULLY ECCENTRIC," AND "OUTRIGHTLY MAD," ON THE FLIP SIDE. I AM PREPARED TO BE JUDGED.
     There are experts in this field of religious research, who would suggest that once you are exposed to an alleged guardian angel, life just isn't the same again. It's as if you have been granted an enlightenment, and poignant truth about human existence, that can not be erased by time's etching on the body and mind. When the fever broke, that night, and I eventually opened my eyes, after a fit-full sleep, as they say, I looked-up to see the worried faces of my parents, Merle and Ed, and thought to myself, I must have been much sicker than they led me to believe....hours earlier, when my mother was cooling me down with a cloth and bowl of water. I'd been sick with a whooping cough-type illness, and it was wretched.....I do remember how rotten I felt, and how terrible the cough, that was so violent, I would throw-up each time it twisted from within my lungs. Merle told me later, that if the fever hadn't subsided, that night, they were prepared to take me to the hospital, first thing in the morning. I had an allergy to penicilen, and nothing else the doctor prescribed had helped ease the grip it had on my respiratory system. How would a little kid, soaking with sweat, describe a meeting with an angel? The right words failing me, I just kept it to myself for the next fifty years.
     The music. I can only describe it as something that wasn't actually audible. When I awoke, and the pleasant sounds ceased, I do recall knowing the difference between what I had sense in dreamland, against what was going on in our Burlington apartment. My parents only had a radio in the kitchen, and it was only switched on to is crackling static, with barely audible voices, when Ed was getting ready for work. I went from sensing something of a beautiful sound, to a hollow apartment, where the only sound, was the dripping of a wet face-cloth into a bowl of water, and Merle telling me that I was going to be okay, as she wiped my face again and again. It was a huge difference between the actuality of that sparsely furnished apartment, from what my angel companion, for those few moments, had provided in heavenly aura. For those who don't care for religion, or believe in God, this is not intended to convince you of the existence of angels, heaven, or to promote any kind of religion. I still don't go to Church, and we are not a particularly religious family. But I can't undo what I experienced. I wouldn't want to be without that memory of an angel once. The experience gave me an intimate relationship with what many of us perceive as "heavenly," and with a sensory perception that, to me, has been of great importance and relevance in daily life. Once again, a little tough to explain, without appearing a religious zealot, or a just being, as they say, a little left of center. For those who have had a similar encounter, and by the way....there are many thousands who have been similarly imposed-upon, it's the sensory aspects of the dream, that are so overpowering in remembrance. Even the feeling I had, levitating in front, without pain or feeling the necessity to move a muscle....which to me, now, was the ultimate ethereal adventure. I will admit to having consumed a lot of intoxicants in my youth, but never, ever, having felt the liberation and nirvana experienced in those few moments of a brief life. I had been sick for weeks, and even dreamed about being sick, during those horrendous days, yet with my angel-companion, it was the only time I felt free of discomfort, and all aches and pains that had been associated. So if nothing else, this was a big issue, because it had been a brutal dance with illness. When I awoke, I did feel that same relief, so it was the actuality of the moment. I was feeling better physically.
     The musical vibration I sensed, on this occasion, would have had, as a close parallel, choral style, from earliest times, and it was what I could only call, in retrospect, the voices of angels. There were no words. But I was getting the message without them. Try to imagine this. It would be easier for musicians, I think, to appreciate what it would be like, as it is part of their creative process, when imagining sounds, and the essence of songs in composition, before they are penned onto paper. Hearing without the need of ears. Hearing, I dare say, with the soul. It was a vibration so calming and restorative, that, as you've heard from other near-death experiences, I really didn't want to leave it behind. Even though it was made clear, by emotional tranferance, it wasn't my time yet, it was too beautiful to leave behind. Arguably, it has remained with me, but it is still just as impossible to explain, in detail, no matter my experience putting thoughts into print. Maybe this is what I find most tantalizing about the experience.....that as many times as I've studied it, and written these records, I still couldn't prepare anyone for a similar encounter.....and be any closer than a twinkling star to earth.
     Andrew and Robert are working on some experimental tracks now, with an Icelandic musician friend, and while I was sitting here yesterday, Rob played me some of the work from the weekend studio session. In fact, he has agreed to share a bit more with me, at this moment of writing. There is an immediate, comforting, deep, relaxing drone, an earthly vibration, ambient in appeal, as if one was awakening, levitating into a still primal world, where everything that surrounds you is a vibrant green, against a deep, endless blue, defying the colorist / painter, to recreate its surreal radiating glow. There are elements, especially in the vibration of this experimental recording, that remind me of my dreamland experience; yet how profound the contradiction, that I might then refer to the sounds of angels, in their faithful revelry, being of a choral composition. But this is as close as I can come, to giving even the slightest impression, to readers, of what soul-moving music accompanies, a happenstance meeting with the angel-kind. It might well be the case, that what science can't figure out, about the consistency of my dream, (or why it occurred with an angel theme), and what would have made me know about angels, that I hadn't learned about, to that point, in life, is what, inadvertently, musicians may have been determining and representing, since the first chords, and drum beats were struck.
    Maybe, to be a musician, of which I am not, those vibes are appreciated and understood, without being necessarily attributed to either heaven or hell, or in any way, something of a spiritual origin. But what is it that puts those vibrations in our minds? Might the musician hold the key, to understanding what I may, ignorantly, claim to be unearthly. I have just enjoyed my own musical experiment, listening to choral music and then to their recording, of sounds I would identify as initially as earthly....but very deeply, spiritual and moving. I can feel it in my soul.....if of course it holds, that I actually have one....as some critics believe I don't. It all hinges, this story I'm relating, on the belief I have, in the first sense....that we all have a resident soul; and in the ethereal existence of something that feels a lot like a heavenly reward. This is from my own experience. But during my comings and goings in this mortal coil, I am continually reminded of that dream, of fifty years ago. The moment when I sensed a music, as a vibration within, which by sensory perception alone, lifted me momentarily from all human enterprise. Now, with the fusion of these two styles of music, old and new, is to feel again, what it's like to be at that strange, out of place portal, that may be the link between dimensions.
    As crazy as this may read to you, I wouldn't mislead anyone......because one of the pillars of such angel experiences, is that this enlightenment is to be shared. That may seem the calling card of a preacher-in-the-making, but it certainly isn't for me.....and you'd be the first to know if that changes, because it's how intimate this blog has become in five years.
     If you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know how incredibly close I am, every day, to the creation and performance of something or other, musical...or at least experimentally so. It has been this way since the boys were young, and listening to old Mitch Miller albums we were given by a friend. They listened to sound tracks of many movies, from "The Sound of Music," to "Around the World in Eighty-days," as well as those old Scottish favorites, sung by Harry Lauder. Then there was "Camelot," and "Carousel," and of course, lots of Herb Alpert. From the LP's to their new guitars, Suzanne and I were exposed to music during all waking hours, and that included any time in the car, because we had even more tapes and CD's there, for our road-trips to Algonquin Park. The campfire was the best place for playing the guitar, and with the sounds of nature, and the gentle strumming, how could we have ever complained about the path our boys had taken, in the good company of music. Their grandfather Stanley Jackson, was an accomplished violinist, who had played with members of the Toronto Symphony, in a succession of quartets, so I know he would have been very proud, the music (while it skipped a generation), was alive and well in the family.
     Robert and I have had long and deep conversations about music and its origin, and on many occasions, we've even discussed my angel-dream, and the vibration of what I only know as music, heard (or felt), during the few moments I was in this alleged heavenly company. He is one of very few I have talked to, who understands what this inner vibration represents, as he has had a near-death experience himself, after a dangerous seizure as a child. While he didn't have a similar encounter, and doesn't remember any of the period he was unconscious, he at the very least, doesn't dismiss me as "story-spinning" old dad. He knows that if I'm prepared to put it in print, I have full confidence in the subject material. In fact, I have been researching parallel angel-encounters, for more than twenty-years, trying to validate what I experienced, also as a young child. It has always seemed important to do so, and even more now, as I get older, because of this feeling, I need to find out more....so it can be shared sensibly with others. Not the result of a zealot-like sense of mission, but because, as musicians, my sons need to know this story.....to explore, in their own way, what music really inspires in the soul. I couldn't play it, on any instrument, or hum it to anyone as I experienced it, but I can nod and smile, when I sense it once again. And this, in a small way, has just happened, thanks to their experimentation.....and the fact, I was sitting in the room, by happenstance, when Robert was reviewing what had been recorded on the weekend.
     I had a second near death experience, when I was about fifteen, while swimming at Kirby's Beach, in Bracebridge. A chunky friend of mine, jumped off the elevated dock, right onto my head. I had been in the shadow of the dock, and probably was swimming from one side to the other, when he jumped. It wasn't the case he was trying to injure me. I must have been knocked out, because when I became conscious, I found myself paralyzed, floating face down in the water. Once again there was that bright, but not blinding light, and the vibration again; the very real feeling, I was on my way over to the other side for good. I wasn't breathing, because I would have taken in water, and begun choking. It seemed like a long time, floating there, and gradually I began hearing the sounds of kids laughing above, and the deep burst of water beside me, as a friend jumped in, when they could see that I wasn't moving. I was aware of their movements, but I couldn't do a thing to save myself. When one of the rescuers grabbed my arm, the light changed immediately, and I was aware of the sun, and the others kids looking down from the edge of the dock. I was pulled above the surface of the water, and came to the abrupt awareness of my surroundings. I'm sure at this point, my Guardian angel was whispering about "that Currie kid having a death wish." In retrospect, there was a similar vibration to it all, and a similar illumination, but there was no vision or scent that went along with my near watery grave. From a medical perspective, I suppose it was the same experience a trillion other concussion sufferers acknowledge after impact. The "who am I," syndrome, and "did you get the number of that truck?" But for those who believe in this "crossing over" potential, they will argue I was on my way to the promised land....when my angel decided it was premature. Thank you. My boys are here because of that divine intervention. I'm writing this, because I was given another chance. Otherwise, well, I wouldn't have been able to share this story. Gosh, I hope this doesn't mean, that my demise will no longer be considered premature. Makes you think, doesn't it?

     I have written hundreds of stories about the paranormal since the early 1980's, and every one of them has been published. Some in nationally circulated books, written by authors such as John Robert Colombo and Barbara Smith. In newspapers and feature publications, I have run whole series, on paranormal encounters, at least half the stories being ones I have personally experienced with other mates. The only questions I have ever had, once they've been released for public scrutiny, have come from those who believe, they have also had other-worldly visitations, and wish to share experiences. While I'm always aware of my critics, I have been astonished by the responses, in support, of sharing such paranormal encounters. What was once thought a subject best avoided, has in so many ways, normalized today, encouraging more people to defy the occasional critic, to tell their own remarkable stories. The best ones to me, are the stories told by those, having no intention of publishing them for financial benefit. These are part of our cultural heritage, believe it or not, and need to be told.
     While science has offered detailed explanations, about the chemical changes after death, and how they could cause similar recollections, vibes and light sensitivity, (as my own dream), when life is again restored, some consideration must be afforded to the emotions of those patients who were content to walk into that heavenly illumination.....and were actually regretful, at being pulled back into our mortal coil. Consider the hospital patient, who during a bad turn in an operation, or delivery of a child, reports upon their recovery, that they had been separated from their physical body, and been able to look down upon themselves, and those of the medical team, trying to save their lives.  
     When my own father, in the final stages of life, raised his arms to the ceiling, in those last few moments, it was as if he had seen my mother, and was welcoming, in his own way, the release from his mortal suffering. He calmed down when I spoke audibly to Merle, and asked her to reach out to Ed; for me, a sign of divine intervention. He slipped gently away, and with his eyes studying something on that hospital room ceiling, I certainly wanted to believe, he saw a little of what I had experienced, fifty or so years earlier.
     Thanks for visiting with me today. See you again soon.