The Trouble With Angels and Antiques

THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS AND TRYING TO RELATE THE STORY OF DIVINE INTERVENTION

A LIFE-LONG JOURNEY TO FIND THE ANGEL OF MY DREAMS

     I HAVE TIED THIS STORY INTO ABOUT A DOZEN OTHER BLOGS OVER THE PAST FIVE YEARS. I HAVE NEVER LOST THE ETHEREAL SENSATION, AND OTHER-WORLDLINESS, AFTER MY DREAM EXPERIENCE WITH AN ANGEL. I MOST RECENTLY INCLUDED THE STORY OF THIS DREAMY-TIME MEETING, DURING A MULIT-BLOG FEATURE SERIES, ABOUT MY OLD HOMETOWN OF BURLINGTON, ONTARIO, WHICH RAN QUITE SUCCESSFULLY….IN TERMS OF READERSHIP, LATE LAST SPRING. THE RECOLLECTIONS ARE FROM THE LATE 1950'S INTO ABOUT 1964, WHEN WE LIVED AT THE NAGY APARTMENT BUILDING, AT 2138 HARRIS CRESCENT, UP THE TORRANCE AVENUE HILL, AND LESS THAN A BLOCK FROM LAKE ONTARIO. I LOVED THE SOUND OF FOG HORNS IN THE MORNING WHEN I WAS WALKING TO SCHOOL. I DIGRESS. I'M TRULY SORRY. IT HAPPENS AT MY AGE, AMONG OTHER THINGS EQUALLY ANNOYING. OR SO SAYS MY CHARMING BUT IMPATIENT BRIDE.

     THIS BLOG SERIES IS ABOUT ANTIQUE HUNTING AND COLLECTING, AND ALL THE THINGS AND EVENTS THAT HAVE SHAPED THIS DEALER / COLLECTOR SINCE CHILDHOOD…….AS THIS IS WHEN IT ALL BEGAN. AS MY PURPOSE, AT MY STAGE OF LIFE, IS TO CREATE A BIOGRAPHY FOR MY TWO BOYS, I FEEL I HAVE TO INCLUDE SOME OF MY ODD-BALL STORIES, THAT MAY SEEM OUT OF PLACE, AT FIRST GLANCE……BUT IN REALITY, ARE VERY MUCH IMBEDDED IN THIS HULK OF A BODY, PUT ON EARTH TO HUNT ELUSIVE ANTIQUES…..AND THEN WRITE ABOUT THE ADVENTURES.

     MY MOTHER MERLE USED TO MEET ME AT THE DOOR OF THE APARTMENT, DEMANDING THAT I EMPTY MY POCKETS OF FOUND COLLECTIBLES, INCLUDING LIVESTOCK. I USED TO BRING HOME CRICKETS BECAUSE WALT DISNEY MADE THEM SO MAGICAL……IT THOUGHT THEY ALL WERE. MY POOR FATHER HATED THE CHIRPING OF CRICKETS, AND USED TO GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR SEARCHING FOR THEIR HIDING PLACES. THE CRICKETS DIED OF OLD AGE BEFORE HE FOUND THEM. AS I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT PREVIOUSLY, SO I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR BORING YOU (IF YOU'RE READ THIS BEFORE), I HAD PERIODS OF MY YOUTH WHEN I WOULD BE SICK FOR WEEKS, EVEN MONTHS AT A TIME. I WASN'T SUFFERING FROM ANY PARTICULAR DISEASE, AS SUCH, BUT I SEEMED TO GET WHACKED PRETTY HARD BY COLDS AND INFLUENZA, THAT WOULD SINK INTO MY LUNGS, AND GIVE ME THAT "NAGGING COUGH," YOU HEAR ABOUT ON COLD REMEDY COMMERCIALS. THEY WERE OF ATOMIC STRENGTH UNFORTUNATELY. I HAD BEEN SUFFERING FROM A WICKED COUGH AFTER A LONG BOUT WITH THE FLU, AND I CAN REMEMBER HAVING TO SLEEP SITTING UP IN AN ARMCHAIR IN THE LIVING-ROOM. EVERY TIME I COUGHED I WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH. I COULDN'T HOLD ANYTHING DOWN, AND I MUST HAVE LOST A FAIR BIT OF WEIGHT, BECAUSE I OVERHEARD MY MOTHER TALKING TO ANOTHER LADY FRIEND IN THE APARTMENT……WHICH I REMEMBER INCLUDED THE STATEMENT, "IF HE'S NOT BETTER IN THE MORNING, WE'RE TAKING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL." I WASN'T UPSET BY THAT AT ALL, BECAUSE I WAS FEELING WRETCHED, AND ANYTHING THAT WOULD HAVE RELIEVED THIS PAIN, COULD ONLY BE CONSIDERED MERCIFUL.

     IT WAS A BAD NIGHT. MERLE KEPT PUTTING COLD CLOTHS ON MY FOREHEAD, BECAUSE I WAS FEVERED. I DIDN'T FEEL FEVERED BUT SHE WAS DUTIFUL ABOUT IT, AND NEVER LEFT MY SIDE THE WHOLE NIGHT, EXCEPT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. IT WAS  PROBABLY AT THE PEAK OF THE FEVER, THAT I WENT INTO THIS STRANGE DREAMLAND…….THE MOST COMPELLING ONE I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. THE COMMONPLACE OF THE DREAMSCAPE, WAS THAT THE BACKDROP WAS THE APARTMENT LAUNDRY ROOM, WHICH WAS IN THE BASEMENT OF THE NAGY APARTMENTS…….DOWN A SMALL FLIGHT OF STAIRS FROM THE FIRST FLOOR MARBLED HALLWAY. NOW THIS DREAM HAS STUCK WITH ME VIVIDLY SINCE FOR A HALF CENTURY. I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS OF AGE AT THE TIME. BEFORE I CONTINUE WITH THIS, IT'S WORTH NOTING THAT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT AN ANGEL LOOKED LIKE, OTHER THAN WHAT I SAW HANGING ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE EACH YEAR AS AN ORNAMENT. I THINK WE HAD FOUR OR FIVE ANGEL DECORATIONS. SO WHAT MAKES THE ENCOUNTER TO COME, SO INTRIGUING, IS THAT I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT AN ANGEL REPRESENTED, OTHER THAN GOODNESS AND KINDNESSES BESTOWED ON US POOR WAYWARD MORTALS. MY STORY BOOKS MAY HAVE REFERENCED ANGELS, BUT I REMEMBER DURING THE DREAM, RECOGNIZING THE ANGEL LEVITATING IN FRONT OF ME, AND THINKING……"NOW I KNOW WHAT AN ANGEL REALLY LOOKS LIKE." I GUESS THE HUGE WHITE WINGS GAVE HER AWAY.

     IT IS SAID THAT ONCE YOU HAVE AN ANGEL EXPERIENCE, LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DESCRIBE, YOU CAN'T EVER DISCONNECT FROM THE MESSAGE RECEIVED. WHAT IS SO REMARKABLE ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE, IS THAT EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS SO CLEAR AND MAGNIFIED…..SUCH AS THE SOUND OF MY FOOTFALL COMING DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE GREY ROOM. I COULD HEAR MY STEPS JUST LIKE MY HEARTBEAT. WHEN I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS, I WAS IMMEDIATELY TURNED, BUT NOT OF MY OWN DOING. IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, YES, I WAS ALSO LEVITATING. MY FEET WERE NOT ON THE FLOOR. I HAD NO CAPABILITY OF RUNNING, HIDING MY FACE, OR PEEING MY PANTS. IN THE PRESENCE OF THIS MAGNIFICENTLY GLOWING ENTITY, HOVERING ABOVE A TABLE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME, I WAS ABLE TO PERCEIVE THE SITUATION, AND "ETHEREAL" TIMES A THOUSAND, COVERS ALL THE NUANCES OF THIS DIVINE INTERVENTION IN AN APARTMENT LAUNDRY ROOM OF ALL PLACES……WHICH I EXPECT WAS A REMINDER THAT I WAS TO BE SPARED, ON THAT OCCASION, AND THE FEVER WOULD SOON BREAK. SO, HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE? ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE NICE TO COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS HAD A PARALLEL EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS A CHALLENGE TRYING TO SELL THIS STORY…….AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A STORY. AND IT "WAS AND IS", JUST AS I CARRY ON IN THIS MORTAL COIL……FOREVER BELIEVING IN THE GOOD GRACE OF ANGELS ON EARTH. AS A SIDEBAR……, BECAUSE OF THIS I SUPPOSE, I HAVE ALSO COME TO KNOW, WHEN I'M FACE TO FACE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS ALSO HAD THIS SAME TYPE OF EXPERIENCE, BUT FOR REASONS OF FEAR OR RIDICULE, THEY WON'T ADMIT IT. THEY DON'T HAVE TO. AND YOU KNOW, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING CLAIRVOYANT. IT'S JUST A SENSE, NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS. I WOULD NEVER PUT THEM ON THE SPOT. I SORT OF THINK THEY KNOW THE SAME THING ABOUT ME, BUT WOULDN'T DARE TO BRING IT UP IN CONVERSATION.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE HOVERING THERE IN UNSPEAKABLE DIVING PRIVILEGE?

     This relates to my collecting interests for the strangest reason. I have been searching for any visual representation of the angel I met in that fever-induced dream experience. So how many parallel images have you been able to find, you ask? Well, by golly, only one, and this was in a book on Angels, and the visual was found in the reproduction of a major oil painting done by a master.  The face of the angel was close to what I had witnessed in my dream. The odd collecting story, of which I have many, is that I have failed for a half century, to be able to find a serious double, whether in a folk art carving of an angel, a hand crafted religious icon, brushed into a painting, formed in plaster, on paper, in glass or even a Christmas decoration. I am actually repelled from buying any angel at all, that doesn't remind me exactly of "her" sleepy-time visit. It's like something hits my hand, forcing me to pull it back, whenever I attempt to grab up an angel ornament from a gift shop, or even antique store. In fact, it's as if this angelic visitation was impressed upon me so profoundly, that I just can't accept anything that is not her actual likeness. So having only one picture of a painting, in one book of hundreds written on the subject, seems just as odd as being visited by an angel in the first place. But here's the thing folks. in the same book there is a scholarly description of what a visit by a guardian angel inspires in corresponding sensory perception. I can remember trembling when I read about what others, since biblical times, have felt in similar circumstances……recognizing that everything they had experienced, I had felt as well. Up to the point of reading this book, I had only told my wife Suzanne, and no one else. Not even my own parents, even after I woke up, when the fever had broken, feeling rejuvenated and contented to meet the new day of my life. I really do believe I was at death's door for a short period, but it was decided by forces beyond, that I was to be spared. Presumably the angel was letting me know this, and who was responsible for my survival. I have been only modestly religious, but a firm believer in an afterlife ever since. It is also stated in this same book, that we inherit some responsibilities ourselves, after such encounters, to pass news of this divine intervention on to others. I didn't follow through on this, until my mid 50's, because, like others worried about their reputations, I thought readers and friends would think I was having a mid-life crisis, and was likely to become the next holy-roller on the block. None of this happened. The angel, as I recall, asked nothing of me, other than to believe in what I saw before me. This is what I could spread, as far as the good word. So this is part of the spiritual pledge, I must have made that strange night, in the midst of serious illness, blessed to life by the angel of mercy.

     Here's what the experience involved. When I turned, at the bottom of the small stairway, to look back up at the door I had just come through, the levitating angel, with large white wings visible above her shoulders, entranced me with an aura or illumination, that was beyond anything a mortal could describe. Of everything I have heard and read about the white light, at the end of the tunnel, after death, I feel very confident that I saw it on this occasion. But there was an angel in the way. She was in the center of this light, but there were not shadows. I have thought about this many times, but I could see in this bright but gentle light, even the contrasts and the dimension of her form, without any dark lines of shadows, even that would normally define the contours of facial features. The light was all-encompassing and certainly all-consuming for those moments I stood…..rather floated, in the angel's presence. There were no words spoken by the angel or me in this dreamscape. Yet there were messages being received, and feelings impressed, just by the expressions on the angel's beautiful face. There was a distinct scent to the encounter, that I could smell even in dreamland, such that I could identify it even after fifty years. According to the book, it is an unearthly aroma, but something that would be attributed to heavenly spices and oils. There was music, and there are times when I hear certain ancient hymns, that one would describe as being "the voices of angels," I can well up with tears…..wanting to rejoin that experience of once. There was a soothing sense of climate….a coolness, as if walking into a sudden mist. Additionally, and most important, there is a sense of peace and tranquility, deeply and profoundly ethereal, that removes all worldly burdens of time, space, and human activity. It is as if you are in what has been described as "heaven on earth," for that short period of dream-time, when potentially, the fever was either going to kill me, or finally break.

     It was the compassionate eyes of the angel I have remembered for all these years. She was engulfed in this beautiful warm glow of light, yet her blue eyes captivated me with their intensity…..which I know were looking through my mortality, as if judging my soul…….whether it was vibrant and powerful enough to carry the burden of life expectations. I realize that for those few moments, I was in this angel's company, I could not wake up, or free myself by any other means. When I was allowed to climb back up those basement stairs, the moment my hand touched the door handle, I awoke to see my mother looking down on me, from the chair she had pulled up beside, immediately wanting to take my temperature. I was still pretty groggy, and soaked through with sweat. Merle was joyous that the fever had diminished. Apparently I would live, to influence all life in my path……even you folks reading this today. I didn't tell Merle about the experience, because at that point, I didn't know anything about the angel kind, and I just thought it was an image that would pass into silent oblivion one day. Like I say, that was fifty years ago, and I am as clear headed about this encounter, as when I popped free of that dastardly illness.

     One night, a couple of months ago, I started doodling on a pad of paper, I kept beside my chair in the living room. As weird as this might seem, I tried for two hours to sketch something that looked like what I had allegedly witnessed of divine intervention. I couldn't come close, yet I could see her face as clearly as the dream had appeared to me. I am fairly good at this kind of sketching, but on this night, it proved impossible. It was almost as if, the same entity that had visited once long ago, was thwarting me then, from finding a likeness……because the only likeness that was important, was the one recreated in memory…….of a dream. It's the same strange feeling, when I am on the hunt, out there, for angel figures in wood, plaster, glass, metal, or applied in all shapes and sizes to assorted paint boards. As I noted earlier in this blog, I have only found one image that was close, and it was opposite a description of angel encounters, that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up as erect as an Algonquin pinery. But I know, that I will continue to hunt for some human-made image, sculpture, or painting that validates that some other mortal has had the same experience as me……but was better qualified to capture the features of what I still expect, was a guardian angel. So as a collector of all things angelic, my collection after half a century, is a long way from being fulfilled, and probably never will be…….but not because of a lack of interest or ambition. As for having the experience lodged deeply in my being……it is there forever. I do however, feel warm and fuzzy telling this story, that while not about antiques and collectibles on their own, shows a side of this collector you need to know, if you wish to carry on reading this blog collection. Everything I do today, whether it is writing, hunting and gathering antiques, or just chatting with friends, is subtly influenced by a sick bed visitation…….I couldn't possibly explain better than I have, in the lines above…..as being the heavenly experience that removed the fear of death forever. This is the most profound aspect to this story. It connects with stories of near death experiences, and the wonderfully liberating and painless departure from the mortal coil, giving the sensation of floating toward the light. I saw this light, but there was an angel floating in the middle of it! Wow, you must think I'm crazy. As I also noted above, once touched by an angel, as the story goes, life is never quite the same ever-after.

     Glad you could be a part of this blog today. Maybe it seems far fetched. Maybe you know someone who has had a similar experience. Possible you have faced a near death experience as well. I will tell you, that I only went to church for one month of Sundays in my life. I don't belong to a cult, a sect, even a neighborhood watch, and the last Church I attended, was the Presbyterian Church in Bracebridge, Ontario, on the arm of my girlfriend, Marion, for her confirmation exercises. She dumped me the very next Sunday. So I have no organized religion to pitch or preach. I'm just an antique dealer, historian, writer, who had a little meeting with a guardian angel, at seven years of age……and if she didn't save my life, working for a higher power, then it was good old Merle, at her chair-side vigil who chilled away the fever. If you have had a similar encounter, feel free to drop me a note…….so I won't feel so alone with my wonderful and divine recollection. Please join me again for another antique hunting blog tomorrow. Bye for now!